In Our Time Apart
by FiliKiliThorinforever
Summary: It's always been Fíli and Kíli, never Fíli or Kíli, but some unwanted visitors arrive outside Ered Luin the day before Fíli's 70th birthday and change all that, changing their lives in a way they never thought possible. - Rating possibly MA for torture (will specify chapters where torture will occur so you can skip if uncomfortable.)
1. Promise Me

**A/N: Hello everyone! So! New story! This is one I've had planned for a while, and it links to another story I'll get round to writing eventually I'm sure, that was the main reason for writing this one! Anyway this one is a bit darker that It Only Takes A Lie which is my other Hobbit story, and this one will certainly be more graphic. **

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

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Kíli sighed happily as he lay on his back and gazed up at the stars. It was a clear summer's night in Ered Luin, the moon was at its brightest and the light breeze kept the area cool. He looked to his right, through the flames of the campfire and spotted his brother mimicking his actions of looking to the night.

Tomorrow was Fíli's seventieth birthday, and Kíli had managed to convince his mother and his uncle to allow him to take Fíli out hunting for three days before his name-day so they could return with enough meat for the surprise party he and his mother had been planning. He had barely been able to keep his excitement for the party hidden the whole time they'd been hunting, in fact he'd nearly blown his cover several times when he thought about the gift he had lying at home hidden under the bed.

Fíli had always looked out for him from the moment he was born, so Kíli had wanted to make something special for his brother to show just how much he loved him for who he was.

He had spent well over two months preparing the gift; from drawing the designs to practise attempts, folding the metal, sharpening it, creating the hilt's, and the inscriptions and carvings on the cross-guard and blades. He had created a pair of falchions that when looked at there would be no mistake as to who had crafted them. Each sword was crafted to perfection according to Thorin; they were sturdy, perfectly balanced and sharp enough to slice through a neck like it was butter But the real pride that Kíli took his creations was the design.

Each pommel had Fíli's symbol carved into them, with Thorin's, Kíli's, Dís' and their father's symbols on the back. Running along the cross-guard was the seven stars of Durin, showing his royalty. But the best and most beautiful part in his mind was what was on the blades themselves.

The first sword had the dwarven words for _loyalty, honour and a willing heart_ on one side; a saying that Thorin and Dwalin would constantly tell them was the most important attribute in a warrior. On the opposite side of the sword had a picture of a lion roaring, standing strong and proud. Kíli constantly teased Fíli about how he was reminded of a lion every time Fíli fought.

On the second sword the hilt and handle had the same designs and inscriptions, but the blade was different, very different and very special to Kíli. On one side he had inscribed the words in Khuzdul _my partner in crime, my best friend, my protector, my brother_, and on the opposite side of the blade it had a engraving of another lion, this one was crouched down, looking peaceful and what looked like a smile on its face whilst it looked at a large raven wrapped around its neck. Fíli was Kíli's fierce lion, and Kíli was Fíli's raven.

And to finish the gift off both falchions had been encased in scabbards that had been created from the skin of a large elk he'd brought down when he first began planning his gift. When he had shown the blades to his mother she had started crying at their words and engravings, and even Thorin had looked to be moved by them.

Kíli was so lost in the thought of giving Fíli his present that he didn't hear his brother calling him until he sat down on his stomach.

"Keeeee!" the blond whined playfully "why're you ignoring me?" He had a grin on his face as Kíli squirmed to try and dislodge his brother.

"Fee you're as heavy as a bear! Get off!" Kíli managed to roll to the side and sent him sprawling on the ground next to him. "And I didn't mean to ignore you, I was just thinking," he told the blond as he sat up.

Fíli smiled softly at his brother before turning back to the fire and Kíli watched as emotions played across his face that didn't suit the peace of the evening. He looked... worried, which was strange. His brother had nothing to be worried about, unless it was about his birthday and Kíli knew he'd be able to shake him from that mood with the party that was planned.

"Fee, is everything alright?"

Fíli looked at him and nodded. "Yeah," he said quietly, "could you redo my braids for me?"

He nodded and Fíli moved to sit between his legs. As he sat down the first thing Kíli noticed was that his brother's braids were perfect, now remembering that his brother had done them a few hours prior so the only reason he'd want him to do them was if he wanted to talk about something but wasn't sure how to say it.

So he set to work taking the beads out, running the comb that was passed to him through his brother's golden hair before separating sections off. The two of them sat in silence whilst Kíli took his time, knowing Fíli would open up about what was bothering him sooner or later.

Sure enough Fíli soon spoke up.

"Kee?"

"Yes Fíli?"

"Tomorrows my birthday..."

"Really?" Kíli asked with a grin and sounding innocently confused. "Are you sure because I could have sworn it was next month!"

The blond elbowed him in the ribs making them both laugh. "Seriously though, tomorrows my birthday which means that Thorin's lessons on being an heir are going to increase, he's going to expect more of me, want me to travel further y'know?"

Kíli nodded slowly, then realising that his brother couldn't see his nod so he said "okay... I don't understand why this has you worried though."

The innocent question caused Fíli to sigh. "It's not me I'm worried about..." He told him quietly "It's you, or more so you when I'm not there."

Kíli tugged on a now complete braid. "Did you eat some wild mushrooms or something when I wasn't looking because you've lost me."

Fíli snorted and continued on. "I'm worried because if I go away Kíli, I... Anything can happen on the road and there's a chance that I might not come back."

The young dwarf froze mid-braid stunned. He'd never thought about this because he'd never let himself think of Fíli being in danger when he was away from home. "In that case I'm coming with you Fee, I won't let you go without me!" He said stubbornly.

"Kee, you can't. Ma will need you here, but I need you to promise me something."

"Fíli you won't be dying the moment you leave home! You can't!" Kíli snapped sounding slightly hysterical as he clasped a bead to another finished braid.

The blond spun around so he was facing his brother. "I'm sorry I sound so morbid right before my birthday, and there's a high chance nothing will happen on the road anyway, but I want you, us in fact, to make a promise to each other."

"What kind of promise?" Kíli asked suspiciously.

"I want you to promise me that if anything were to happen to me, you wouldn't let my death rule and ruin your life..."

Kíli opened his mouth to interrupt but Fíli placed a finger to his lips and carried on.

"You can grieve, I'd never deny you that, you can be angry and hate me or do whatever you have to when it happens, but if I die I don't want you to try and follow me, I don't want to die knowing that you'll follow me out of love. I want you to live a long and happy life with lots of kids and remember me for who I am, and live knowing I love you with all my heart and that I will be waiting for you when old age claims you. And even then I expect you to put up a fight."

His hand was holding Kíli's neck, pressing their foreheads together as he whispered to him. They both had tears in their eyes as they'd never spoken before about one of them falling and what the other was supposed to do, because they were always together never apart, it was always Fíli and Kíli not Fíli or Kíli, it just sounded wrong, and them being apart for a long period of time was almost unheard of.

Kíli's voiced wavered as looked his brother in the eyes. "Only if you promise me the same. You have to promise that if I die you won't go looking for revenge just to get yourself killed."

Fíli struggled silently with that, he knew deep down that he'd never let harm befall his little brother, that he'd take every injury to keep him safe and if Kíli was taken from him he wouldn't stop until every last person who'd been there was dead, then he'd make sure he could follow him soon after.

The older dwarf sighed, drained emotionally by the talk already. "Alright Kee, I promise I won't."

"Then I... I promise too." Kíli agreed quietly.

"Thank you," Fíli said with a gentle squeeze to the back of his brother's neck. "Now enough depressing talk before my birthday. Come on, finish the braids then we can sleep as we have an early start in the morning, especially if we want Ma to see me before she goes to work" Fíli said with a grin, using his thumbs to wipe away his little brother's tears.

Kíli sniffed and nodded whilst Fíli spun around for him to continue.

They stayed awake for a couple more hours eating and talking about all sorts of nonsense despite saying they would go to bed early. They only stopped when Kíli started yawning so wide Fíli thought his face might split in half.

"Alright you, enough talking I think as your face looks like it's about to fall off. I'll take first watch as it's been a long three days and you've done more of the work than me." He laughed as he nudged his brother whose head had been resting on his shoulder for the last ten minutes.

Kíli was too tired to argue so he moved to his bedroll which was behind the log they'd been sitting on.

"I'll wake you in a couple of hours Kee." Fíli promised, running his hand over his brother's hair in a petting motion and helping the younger dwarf fall asleep faster.

"Okay," Kíli replied, already dropping off to his brothers patting.

"Oh and Kíli?" Fíli asked gently.

"Yeah Fee?"

"Thank you, you know for the camping trip. Spending time with you is the best birthday present ever. Love you."

"S'okay Fee. Love you too."

And in the warm summer night, little did they know that their lives were about to change.


	2. I Will Always Love You

**A/N: Welcome back everyone! I don't really know what to say about this chapter, only that I've had this written for a while and can't really imagine this happening any other way, so don't hate me too much?**

**Also welcome to vinnie02, Mzzmarie, Tripping55, Lakota1172 (welcome back!), kapowa, Aranel Mereneth, FirstLovexx and any guests who have favourtied/followed the story!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

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Fíli sat there looking at the moon with a soft smile on his face. He was outdoors, out in the wild where he loved to be. Free to be just Fíli: the son of Dís, nephew to Thorin and brother to Kíli, not Fíli 'the next heir of Durin who will be getting more responsibilities after this birthday', as if he didn't already have enough.

He sighed. Yes, he was looking forward to going back to his warm bed, but at the same time he wasn't looking forward to going back to where he had to start the harder royal training and sit in at meetings with Thorin, more lessons with Balin, harder training with Dwalin, blacksmithing to make money and helping out at home. He was already tired from what he had to do, practically collapsing in his bed every night and his load was only going to get bigger.

The only thing that got him through the day was that he had Kíli by his side through everything except for the royal training, the younger dwarf learning the basic stuff through Balin and would eventually get lessons from Thorin; however Thorin was trying to get Fíli to the level he wanted before bringing Kíli into it all.

He looked down at his brother and smiled. He couldn't remember his life before his brother, but from the stories he'd heard he was a laid back, easy going child who was well behaved and quiet. The moment Kíli was born the quiet part had disappeared as he would always talk to his brother and tell him stories about adventures they would have even though Kíli couldn't yet move around, and the moment Kíli started walking people swore up and down that someone had kidnapped the timid, quiet and laid back Fíli and replaced him with a cheeky, loud and adventure seeking child who had to constantly be watched as he and Kíli would disappear and get into everything they could. It was safe to say they kept Dís, Thorin and their father very busy.

His attention snapped back to the present with the twig that snapped nearby. His falchions lay across his lap so he grasped the hilts and looked around, weariness forgotten, eyes and ears sharp. There was another crack off to his right. He would have pegged the noises to be the horses moving around, but only problem was they were on his left.

Fíli released one of his swords to shake Kíli's shoulder, eyes still scanning the area.

"Kíli! Kíli wake up!" He hissed in a whisper.

"S'my turn? Fíli?" Kíli asked rubbing his eyes to look at his brother before spotting his hands on his weapons and his tense posture. "What is it?" he whispered, getting to a kneeling position, shouldering his quiver and attaching his sword belt before setting an arrow to his bow.

"Not sure, could be nothing but I heard twigs snapping off to the right."

They both looked that way and scanned the bushes, only to have their heads snap forward when there was a rustling and another branch breaking in the forest in front of them.

"Could be an animal?" Kíli asked quietly, focussing on the patch of forest the noise had come from.

"Possibly, if so it or they are circling." Fíli replied quietly, gripping both swords and standing. He walked forwards quietly, sheathing a sword to his back and slipping his long dagger into his hand. Kíli stood and drew his bow, pointing towards the trees.

A slight huffing noise, so quiet that he was surprised he heard it at all had him spinning around and throwing his dagger with deadly precision, straight into the throat of a Warg that had snuck up behind them.

"KÍLI!"

He was already onto it, spinning and releasing his arrow straight into the throat of the orc who was riding the Warg, and quickly swapping his bow for his sword to slice through the Wargs neck to make sure it was dead.

Fíli leapt back to his brother and they stood back to back as forty orcs poured out of the forest on all sides and charged at the two dwarves. Their skills and moves practised and flawless, they had no problem holding the first few creatures off but they both knew that they wouldn't stand a chance in the long run.

"Kíli! On my go make for the horses!" Fíli yelled desperately, blocking an orc and slicing its arm off.

The brother's worked in unison, blocking and stabbing together, making sure each was protected as the orcs now had them surrounded and blocked off their path to the horses.

Thanks to Fíli's twin blades, he was able to thin out the orcs directly surrounding them. They had killed ten and injured a few more, but the brothers were tiring, and quickly.

_We're going to have to focus on improving our stamina_ Fíli thought dryly. His attention was wrenched back to the present when he heard a gasp behind him.

"Kíli?!" Fíli called urgently, he could feel his brother behind him but couldn't tell if and how bad he'd been hurt. There was silence from Kíli before he grunted.

"I'm ok... He just got my arm. Just a cut." Kíli gasped, swinging his sword to decapitate the offending orc.

Fíli looked around desperately, they were getting slower and sloppier and if they didn't get out of there quickly they were going to die.

Fíli looked to the panicking yet still tethered horses, both which were thankfully still being ignored in favour for the dwarves and started turning so his back was to them, knowing Kíli would move with him so they would be directly in his path.

One thing about fighting, Fíli realised, was that if you were getting tired, thinking about strategy and not focussing on the battle then you were going to make mistakes, and he realised this as an orc blade sliced into his side and was pulled out roughly making him cry out. It hadn't gone too deep, at least not deep enough to do any internal damage but enough to make his whole side feel like it was on fire.

"Fee you ok?!" Kíli yelled, shooting a look over his shoulder, blocking before stabbing another Orc.

"I'll be fine, just make for the ponies. NOW!" Fíli yelled; turning quickly to check the coast was clear before shoving his brother towards them.

Kíli stumbled from exhaustion and blood loss but managed to make his way to the horses, stabbing orcs that tried to block his path. As expected he'd sustained a few small cuts from catching the tail end of a blade as he blocked, but his main concern was the deep gash that ran across his left arm which was bleeding profusely. He hoped it hadn't nicked anything important, as it was his arm was crimson and the oozing blood showed no indication of stopping anytime soon but he knew if it had hit even a tiny portion of an artery then he'd be dead by now. He needed to wrap it but it wasn't likely he'd be given a chance.

Kíli was almost to the ponies when a cry of pain had him spinning around with his sword ready, only to feel his heart plummet. Fíli was struggling to get free from the mouth of a Warg which had clamped around his body and was shaking him like he was a chew toy.

"NO!" Kíli screamed, quickly swapping his sword for his bow and ignoring the pain fired two arrows one after another rapidly, one at the rider and one at the Warg. Each arrow landed with a deadly precision that at any other time Kíli would have been feeling elated at being able to get that accuracy without pausing, however he was too busy watching with horror as the Warg opened its mouth mid-shake in pain to throw his brother bodily to the ground towards him.

Fíli used the momentum from his roll to stagger upright and stumble towards his brother, blocking and stabbing orcs that came to finish him off as he'd somehow managed to keep hold of his swords. It was from his position that he saw Kíli take down three more orcs in quick succession, but miss the archer that was aiming at him.

"Kíli! NO!" Fíli cried, too late for his brother to spot and block the arrow that drove into his stomach. Fíli raced forward, pain from the numerous puncture wounds forgotten as he decapitated the orc that had dared to hurt his brother.

Kíli stumbled from the impact but managed stay upright and watched as Fíli removed the orcs head and ran towards him still fighting. But pain and blood loss were now creeping up on him quickly and his vision was beginning to blur.

"Kíli! Get on the horse, now!" Fíli yelled; grunting as he went down on one knee as a blade from an overlooked orc sliced through his calf. He twisted a sword and stabbed behind him into the orc that was trying to finish him off before pushing off the ground, gritting his teeth against the pain and running as fast as possible towards his brother.

He could see Kíli holding the orcs off as he neared the horses, but he was struggling with the arrow sticking out of his stomach. If Kíli didn't get to a healer's soon Fíli knew he could lose his brother forever, and he refused to let that happen. So he did the only thing he could do that would give him time, he flung himself at the orcs surrounding Kíli and fought like a dwarf possessed.

"Kíli! Get on and tie yourself to her!" Fíli roared, not noticing as a blade sliced through his back deeply. He was beyond feeling pain as his whole body felt like it was on fire.

Kíli, who was starting to get light headed from the blood loss and spreading stomach acid struggled up onto his horse and tied the reins around his waist. He knew that if he passed out this would be the only thing to stop him from tumbling off.

"I'm tied on!" Kíli gasped out as he knocked the arrow whilst trying to calm Daisy.

Fíli assessed the situation quickly, the orcs were advancing on them quickly, and there was no way he'd be able to get onto the horse that was past Kíli without risking them both getting killed, so he took the only option he could see; he spun, lobbing off the heads of two orcs before slashing his sword through the rope tied around the tree and freeing both ponies.

"Get him home and don't stop!" Fíli yelled, jumping to the side and slapping the horse on its flank, before turning back to face the enemy.

"Love you Kee, always." Fíli said quietly, briefly watching the horses carry his brother into the night before turning back to the battle with a fierce snarl, truly the lion Kíli always said he was.

And as a sword drove through his chest, Fíli knew he could be forgiven for thinking he heard his brother call out his name as his world went black.

The horses thundered off, and Kíli gasped at the jolting the horses galloping caused as it jostled the arrow continuously. The pain from the arrow moving caused his stomach acid to spread throughout his body, forcing him to turn his head to the left and vomit away from buttercup and Fíli who were on his right. He coughed through the pain and looked to his right to smile at Fíli.

"I'm ok F... Fíli? FÍLI?!" Kíli screamed, realising that his brother had never mounted buttercup.

He spun in his saddle to look towards the battle, making blood pour out of the wound as he tore his stomach open more and saw Fíli watching him before he disappeared under a Warg and orcs.

"Fíli..." He whispered, collapsing against Daisy's neck trying to fight unconsciousness but losing his battle. Before the darkness claimed him he managed one to cry one last thing.

"FEE!"


	3. An Uneasy Feeling

**Welcome back everyone! Introducing Thorin! Hooray! Lol, was interesting writing him this time around from my other fic, I've made him slightly more relaxed than what he was when they went on the quest, but we'll see him change back over time I'm sure! :)**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

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The door to the meeting house swung open and a group of dwarves walked out, mumbling between themselves about going to the tavern for a meal. Inside only 3 dwarves remained. Balin finished writing the notes from the meeting, normally Ori, his apprentice would have carried out the task of scribe but his brother Dori was sick so he was helping look after him. Dwalin, the second dwarf at the table cracked his knuckles and rolled his shoulders.

"Well, that went better than expected. I was half expecting this to drag out for another week or for someone to lose a few teeth." He grinned at his brother who rolled his eyes as he shuffled his now complete notes, then looked to his right to the head of the table.

"Come on, ye can't tell me yer not relieved?"

Thorin lifted his head from his arms and glared at Dwalin "yes I'm glad it's over Dwalin, but it could have been over yesterday afternoon when I told them the exact same thing! They were too busy yelling at each other that they didn't bother listening. They're all lucky I had Fíli's gift completed three days ago otherwise I would have ended negotiations painfully three hours ago."

"Why didn't ye say anything about it earlier?" Dwalin asked confused.

"I did!" Thorin cried indignantly "They're all too pig-headed to listen! It's the last flaming time we deal with them I'm telling you now Dwalin, once their contract runs out next week I want them gone and I certainly don't want to see them again. This sort of rubbish happens every year and I've had enough. Dain can have them in the future."

Balin stood and filed away the notes for review the following morning. "Come on Thorin, lets head back and talk to Dís about Fíli's party tomorrow whilst we have something to eat, you know she's expecting us."

Thorin sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Alright, the sooner we get back the better, there are a few things I want to discuss."

Dwalin and Balin nodded and followed Thorin out of the building. Balin locked the door and the three of them headed to the house he shared with Dís, Kíli and Fíli.

"Nice night out tonight for the lads, clear sky and full moon. When are they due back Thorin?" Balin asked basking in the cool summer air.

"Tomorrow morning sometime, they had said they'd be close to the town by nightfall but Kíli wanted to arrive on Fíli's birthday, he didn't want to leave a gap between the trip and him opening his gifts."

"They'll undoubtedly sleep in so we won't see them until late morning. Fíli will have his hands full trying to get that brother of his up. Ye know what a shocker he is first thing in the morning." Dwalin said with a rumbling chuckle.

Balin shook his head in amusement remembering the many scolding's they'd all dished out over the years due to him sleeping in as they continued along the path towards the main gate and the homes further on.

Thorin looked up at the sky as the unease he'd been feeling all evening settled further around his heart. It was a beautiful night, not a cloud in the sky, warm, a cool and soft breeze and it was quiet. But that was the problem, it was too quiet for Thorin's liking, it was almost as though someone had put a blanket over the village and it was muffling all the sound, even the ever noisy Lone Warrior tavern was quiet.

Dwalin noticed the unease on his friends face, there wasn't much that he missed when it came to his childhood friend and shield brother. "Everything alright?" He asked with a nudge.

Thorin sighed. "It's nothing really, just... Something feels off tonight. I would have preferred the lads' home by now, having them gone for so long when they're so young worries me." He glanced at his friends before rolling his eyes and looking away at their amused expressions.

"They're trained warriors Thorin, this is just the next step for them in their training, they need to learn to rely on themselves and each other to survive in the wild you know this. They'll be fine and tomorrow you'll be laughing at your worries. They're good lads; you helped raise them after all."

Thorin nodded and sighed. Letting the boys go for more than a day had been a hard decision. He knew it was time to trust them to be able to look after themselves when out hunting, they'd been on long trips before but had always had Thorin and Dwalin with them, and letting them go meant they were indeed growing up.

Part of him wanted them to remain as the dwarfling's who would come to him when they were frightened or when they needed an evil goblin to fight in their games, but he also knew that he couldn't be more proud of the dwarves and warriors they were becoming. Dedicated to their learnings but more dedicated to each other, their family and sadly, as much mischief as they could possibly cause.

As they approached the main gate Thorin noticed there were more guards in the main square than normal, he looked around trying to find someone he recognised.

"Thorin!"

Thorin turned his head and saw Gloin hurrying over. "Gloin what's going on? Why're there so many guards here?"

Gloin stopped before the group and looked at them with concern.

"A few of the wall guards thought they heard a commotion about 10 minutes ago. We summoned enough guards to give us some defence in case of a surprise attack, and someone standing by to sound the alarm to summon the rest if need be. We were just discussing on whether to send for you or –"

Just then a cry from above the gate drew everyone's attention.

"Incoming!"

All the guards scrambled into defensive positions, Thorin, Balin and Dwalin dashing towards the armoury that was near the gate when there was another call from the wall's watchtower.

"Hold up! It's just a couple of horses."

There was a collective sigh from the guards as they relaxed, but Thorin hurried over to Gloin, the unease that had been plaguing him all evening now in full swing.

"Gloin!" Thorin asked urgently, grabbing the dwarfs shoulder and spinning him round, cutting off the conversation he'd just been having with another guard.

"Steady on Thorin! What is it?" Gloin looked at him curiously, then at Dwalin and Balin who were standing behind their leader looking confused.

"Where did the guards say they heard the commotion?" Panic starting to seep into Thorin's tone.

"Um..."

"Where Gloin?!" He demanded, giving Gloin's shoulder a hard shake.

"In the forest ahead, Thorin what's going on?"

Thorin went as pale as a ghost and turned towards the gate, sprinting up the stairs two at a time. He stopped at the top and leaning forward in an attempt for a better view saw two horses galloping towards the gate.

"Thorin what is it?" Dwalin asked, coming to stand next to his friend as shaking his shoulder to get his attention.

"Dwalin, the boys are camping near the town, they took horses with them!" Thorin said, thoroughly panicking now as he'd just made out the colour of both horses thanks to the moonlight and realised that it was indeed Daisy and Buttercup thundering towards them. The horses were getting close to the gates so Thorin raced back down the stairs, followed by the now worried Dwalin, Balin and Gloin.

"Get the gates open, NOW!" Thorin roared as he hit the ground and ran to the middle of the yard, placing himself in the path the horses would take.

The gates swung open and all the dwarves watched as the horses drew closer and bolted through the gates straight at them, Thorin waving his arms above his head to slow the horses down. Both horses reared in panic, but it gave him enough time to come in from the side and together he and Dwalin with Balin and Gloin's backup managed to grab the bridles of the horses to help hold them still.

Thorin had grabbed Daisy, and now that she wasn't moving so much he noticed to his horror a slumped figure on her back, in danger of toppling off if not for the ropes around them holding them in place.

Thorin quickly took in the persons outfit, recognising the clothing, quiver and most importantly the silver clip holding the messy brown hair together.

"Kíli?" Thorin whispered in horror. He turned his nephews head towards him, only to discover he was pale with a sheen of sweat indicating a fever was setting in. "I need a knife!" Thorin yelled over his shoulder.

Dwalin appeared by his side and started cutting the ropes that bound Kíli to his horse. As soon as Kíli was free his body toppled sideways off the horse, straight into Thorin's arms. He lowered his nephew to the ground, cradling his body and allowing them all to fully see the unconscious dwarf.

Cuts and gashes littered his body, a particularly nasty gash could be seen on his arm, his clothing was torn where injuries could be seen, but the worst one that they could see was the arrow sticking out of his stomach. Thorin realised Kíli had collapsed on the side the arrow wasn't on so the shaft didn't knock onto the horse driving it further in.

Thorin held his ear above Kíli's mouth, hoping against hope to hear something and to his relief felt a faint fluttering of breath against his cheek.

"Thank Mahal..." Thorin whispered, touching his forehead to his nephew's briefly in relief. He scooped his Kíli up and with Dwalin's help he stood before taking off to the healing house with Dwalin and Balin close behind and Gloin yelling that he'd get Dís.


	4. A Warrior Laid Low

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Sorry for the delay with this chapter! I prefer to stay a few chapters ahead and I've been having a few issues with the one I'm currently on, it just doesn't want to co-operate with me on the way I want to write it, but I've finally worked it out and I'm relatively happy with it :D**

**Special shout out to new favouriters/followers: Princess Shania, Lilyoda, fromNikiwithLove, Luinwen-2013, justlemmeread, acciojd, knor-wren, RivalXleader, DreamElm76. Welcome! And also a special shout out to Lakota1172 who has been following me since It Only Takes A Lie, you rock! Glad you're up to date, and I'm sure you'll be breathing some kind of sigh of relief by chapter 6 :D  
**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

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Thorin ran as fast as he dared, trying to be as mindful of the arrow that was sticking out of Kíli's stomach as possible. Soon enough they neared the healer's house. Dwalin overtook Thorin, running at a speed Thorin didn't know his friend possessed and burst through the doors up ahead.

Moments later Dwalin appeared in the doorway talking to the head healer Oin, a good and old friend who had patched up Thorin and his family more times than anyone could count. Oin could be seen yelling out orders to the other healers while he waited for Thorin to enter the building.

Thorin ran straight inside the healing house and followed Oin to a room, whilst other healers scurried around taking all sorts of supplies to the room they were heading to.

"Bring him in here!" Oin called out.

Thorin moved into the room and saw Oin by a table as well as four other healers all preparing to help the injured dwarf.

"Thorin I need you to put him on the table then wait outside, you two as well." Oin said looking at Dwalin and Balin.

"I'm staying Oin!" Thorin growled as he placed his unconscious nephew on the table carefully.

"Come laddie, there's nothing more we can do here, we'll just be in the way." Balin said gently, placing his hand on Thorin's arm.

"Aye, Oin's the best healer here, Kíli's in good hands now." Dwalin agreed, and with Balin's help they guided Thorin from the room.

"You stay with me Kíli, don't you dare leave us!" Thorin called out, hoping that somehow in the darkness surrounding him Kíli would hear him.

Balin guided Thorin back towards the entrance where they could wait. He knew if Thorin was nearby and Kíli started crying out then the door wouldn't be enough to keep him from his nephew. As they sat down the door to the Healing House burst open and Dís rushed in, closely followed by Gloin.

"What happened? Where is he? Where are my babies?!" Dís yelled, looking around desperately. Thorin hurried over to his sister and wrapped his arms around her.

"Thorin where are they?" Dís sobbed.

"He's in with Oin; they're doing everything they can for him Dís." Thorin said, choking slightly on his breath. He couldn't get the image of Kíli, his boisterous, wild-haired and trouble making Kíli looking so pale and still out of his head.

Dís looked at her brother and could see the pain and grief on his face. She held his face with one of her hands and forced him to look at her. "What aren't you telling me Thorin?"

"It's bad, he's been hurt pretty bad." Thorin whispered, fighting a losing battle to stop tears falling from his eyes.

Dís whimpered as her legs gave way, Thorin following her down and the pair of them clung to each other.

Dwalin motioned to Balin to follow him and he moved to the opposite end of the waiting room. He fell into a chair, scrubbing a hand over his face before looking wearily at his older brother who was leaning against a table.

There was silence between the two of them before Balin gave him a small smile. "Don't think I've ever seen you run that fast in my life."

Dwalin rolled his eyes "I can, you're just never the one I'm chasing." Balin snorted quietly before silence settled over them once more.

"Do you think he'll pull through?" Dwalin asked with an uncharacteristically small voice.

"Aye, the lads tough, he won't let this beat him, he's too stubborn for that." Balin said, trying to reassure not just himself but his younger brother also.

Dwalin nodded, yet to be convinced. Kíli was strong, sure, and he'd had his fair share of injuries, but never to this level or severity and whether the young dwarf's body would be able to cope remained to be seen.

Dís' hoarse voice echoed through the quiet room. "Where's Fíli?"

Dwalin and Balin looked at the two Durin's on the floor, watching as the blood drained out of Thorin's face when he realised who he'd forgotten in the panic.

"Oh Mahal" he choked out looking at his friends desperately "Fíli… was he…"

Dwalin shook his head "I didn't get a chance to get a good look at Buttercup because you needed help with the lad, but there weren't any ropes like what Kíli had and from what light there was I couldn't see any blood, so either he wasn't hurt when he fell off, or he was never on Buttercup in the first place."

_Either way it's not a good sign, I just hope he's safe_. Balin prayed silently.

"Thorin," Dwalin continued quietly "if Fíli wasn't hurt he'd be the one who brought Kíli back, nothing would keep him from making sure his brother alright. Him not being here, it can only mean -"

"Don't! Dwalin please don't say it. He's fine, he has to be." Thorin moaned.

"We need to send people out looking for him."

"Where would they look Dwalin? That forest is vast and we have no idea where they were camping." Balin responded dejectedly.

"It's better than doing nothing Balin."

"Don't you think I don't know that Balin?" Thorin growled "Dwalin you and Gloin organise and send patrol's out but tell them to stay in pairs and keep their eyes open, we don't know who did this or if they're still nearby."

"I will, I'll check the horses again for clues then I'll come back."

* * *

Half an hour passed and still there was no word from Oin. Thorin, Dis, Balin and Dwalin (who had returned after checking the horses and helping organise the search parties) had been given a room to wait in but all four were restless, ears straining for any noises from the youngest Durin, or constantly going and waiting for a healer to leave the room in order to corner them for information. Worryingly they'd also had no word from any of the patrols currently out searching with information on their missing heir.

The door opened and Oin walked in, a cloth in his hands to wipe off the blood.

"How is he?" Dís asked immediately as she leapt off her seat.

"He's alive, in pretty bad shape but he'll live. I'll explain his injuries later but the small dose of poppy milk I gave him will start wearing off shortly so he'll start stirring, if you need to talk to him, now would be the time before I give him a stronger dose."

Thorin nodded and hurried out of the room, the others hot on his tail. When they reached Kíli's room a hush fell over them, Thorin opening the door quietly and they all slipped in. A quiet sob escaped Dís' lips as she hurried to her son's side.

Kíli looked awful. He'd been moved to a bed to keep him comfortable, and as they got closer they could see he was incredibly pale, his skin colour almost similar to the white sheets he was laying on but his cheeks were flushed and covered in sweat causing his hair to stick to his skin, and there were several thick blankets lying on top of him as well as a strong fire to try help him sweat out the fever that was ravaging his body. His skin was hot to the touch and a healer was currently replacing the cloth on his forehead with a colder one.

"He's burning," Dís whispered with a shaky voice, gently pulling his hair up and away from his neck to tie it in a messy pony tail to help keep him cool.

Kíli whimpered in his unconsciousness, beads of what Thorin thought was sweat trickling down his cheeks.

"How bad Oin?" Balin asked in a whisper

"Well he -"

"Fee..." Kíli whispered

"Kíli? Its Oin, can you open your eyes lad?" Oin said as he hurried to the table and clasped his hand.

"Fee... Please" Kíli whimpered again.

"C'mon darling open your eyes!"

Kíli turned his head slightly into Dís' touch before he let out a sob "don't leave me Fee, please."

Thorin grasped his nephews face gently and stroked his thumbs over his cheeks. "Kíli, focus on my voice alright? I need you to open your eyes; we need to know what happened."

Several moments passed before Kíli's eyes slowly cracked open, his face set in a pained grimace just from the slightest of movements. "Uncle," he whimpered "Fíli? Where is he?"

"We don't know Kíli; we need you to tell us what happened, where were you camping?" Thorin asked gently.

Kíli's eyes rolled backwards as he struggled to hold on to consciousness "Fee..." He sobbed again "The... Lookout" he choked out, eyes snapping open and looking around unseeing "At… Lookout... FEE!" He cried brokenly before going still once more.

Thorin motioned for Balin and Dwalin to follow him from the room, leaving Dís to watch over her son.

"Recall the patrols, I want you to get Gloin, Bofur, Bifur and 15 others and meet me at the gates in 10 minutes fully armed on horses. We're bringing him home." Balin and Dwalin nodded before hurrying off, Thorin turning to head back to Kíli's room.

He placed a gentle hand on Dís' shoulder when he arrived, and she looked at him with red eyes.

"We'll bring him back Dís, you'll see."

She nodded and wiped away a stray tear. "Good luck."

Hopefully they wouldn't need it.


	5. The Aftermath

**A/N: Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay, I've been trying to get as many chapters roughly written as I can as I've just started back at Uni for my last 6 months, and writing is going to become very difficult to do, so I've been trying to get some work done so I can keep going with the story. So just hang in there, I've got about 4 chapters pretty much completed, but they'll help me fill in the time :D**

**Just in response to a previous review regarding the way they/I dealt with Kili's fever, in case anyone else had the same concerns about overheating, I based it around what I'd found online that whilst the fever makes a person feel warm, their body reacts as though its cold, hence the shivers. So I went with the recommendation of keeping him warm but cooling his forehead down. Unfortunately I'm not smart enough to be a medical student so I have to go by what I can find (besides I'm too accident prone so I'd probably be a hazard in a hospital more than a help :) )**

**Glad you're all enjoying the story so far, trust me things are only going to get worse before they get better :D**

**Special shout out to the new followers/favouriters Marg1780, x NikiSt x and Marmie, as well as everyone who is already following. You guys are awesome! :D**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

* * *

Ten minutes and twenty soldiers later found Thorin and his men thundering down the road, the guard bell ringing in their wake to tell the other patrols to get back to the town. Thorin drowned out the sound of the bell, praying that Fíli was waiting for someone to come get him. He knew hoping that he'd be unscathed would be too farfetched considering Kíli's injury, but he hoped it would be small enough that he could call out to them if they didn't spot him straight away.

They drew level with the small, partially concealed dirt track that led to the lookout. Thorin jumped out of his saddle before tying his horse to one of the trees.

"We're on foot from here, I want us to have the element of surprise" He whispered to the dwarves who were already mimicking his actions.

Thorin made sure all his weapons were secure before nodding to his men and setting off down the trail. He wasn't a hundred percent sure why he was surprised that this was where the lads would camp for their last night, after all this was a spot that they'd found many years ago when they had run off from him and Dis for the day (he decided to forget about the punishments they'd been given for scaring them like that). It was a beautiful place; a small clearing hidden away in the trees not too far in, a small stream that ran nearby and there was a path that led to the cliffs not too far away. The boys had taken him and Dis there one night, and the hundreds of stars that littered the night sky made for one of the most beautiful nights they'd ever spent outdoors, and was made even more spectacular with the fire moon that appeared.

They moved quickly and quietly through the bush before the smell of burnt wood and something metallic reached them. They reached the edge of the clearing, and Thorin raised his hand to stop his men.

"Something's wrong." Dwalin murmured in his ear when he appeared at his shoulder.

Thorin nodded, he had already known something was wrong the moment he had spotted the clearing through the trees. The first problem was the silence, there wasn't a sound in the area, even the birds were quiet; the only kind of sound near him was the heavy breathing of his companions. The second was the darkness, there was no campfire to guide them or reveal the area, which Thorin knew would make it harder to find Fíli and figure out what had happened.

He motioned for the others to move forward, keeping a strong grip on his sword. He paused when he felt his boot slip in something, but it was too dark to tell what.

"Gloin, light the camp fire would you." He whispered, spotting a thin silver stream of smoke trailing up into the air.

Gloin grunted in response, manoeuvring around the rocks in his path. He brushed away the dirt that had been thrown on top to put it out quickly before pulling out his flint and setting to work. Everyone else still stood with their swords drawn, not wanting to be taken by surprise. A small huff of victory came from Gloin before the clearing lit up. Thorin looked around and thought he might be sick, it wasn't rocks or logs that littered in the clearing; it was bodies, Orc bodies.

Thorin let out a strangled cry "Spread out and find him! Fíli!" He looked around desperately, looking for any sign of his nephew.

"Anything!?" Thorin cried after several minutes of searching.

"Nothing!" Cried several of his men who were turning over bodies or looking in the surrounding forest.

Suddenly Dwalin called out in a hollow voice. "Thorin, over here."

Thorin spun on his heel and raced over to Dwalin who had lit a torch to help his search. When Thorin arrived Dwalin didn't even turn to his friend, he only stared at the ground in front of him. Thorin followed his eye line, before letting out a choked sob and falling to his knees. There in front of them surrounded by four orcs bodies was a large pool of congealing blood littered with pieces of flesh and bone, with two very familiar swords in the middle. Thorin crawled forward, ignorant of the sticky blood that was seeping into his tunic and reached forward, tenderly scooping up the blood stained golden braids that had been hacked off and left behind, the bloodied silver beads the only thing holding them together.

A devastated cry tore its way from Thorin's throat as his vision blurred, Dwalin placing a shaking hand on his friends shoulder as he curled in on himself, clutching the braids to his chest as he struggled for breath. The cry had drawn the others in; Balin was the first to arrive only to stop at the sight that greeted him. His eyes scanned the scene with horror, a hand covering his mouth as he shakily pointed to something just past the blood pool. Dwalin looked to where his brother was pointing, his grip tightened on Thorin's shoulder as a strangled moan escaped his lips. There, ripped to pieces by the teeth of a Warg were the remnants of Fíli's outer clothing. The shreds themselves were only recognisable because of the colour of the leather they were made of and what was remaining of the fur that adorned the trim.

The others had gathered behind their mourning King, their own hearts breaking at witnessing his raw pain and the knowledge that they had lost a precious treasure that night, surely two, when Kíli learnt of his brother's death.

"Thorin," Balin whispered brokenly "we shouldn't stay here."

"Give 'im a moment Balin for pity's sake." Dwalin choked out, tightening his hold on his friends shoulder as he didn't know how else to comfort him.

After several moments Thorin raised his head, his eyes bloodshot yet the tears gone. When he spoke it was with a steady but quiet voice. "Balin, Dwalin, collect what you can of his, he would want those he loves to do it, Gloin, get the others to pile the carcasses and burn them outside the forest, I don't want these foul beast's tainting this area any more than they already have."

"Let's get a move on" Gloin said quietly to the men beside him. A series of murmured "ayes" were heard as the soldiers spread out to carry out their task in silence in respect for their mourning King and fallen price.

With a heavy heart Balin moved to pick up a blanket from the medical supplies they'd brought in with them, then with Dwalin's help the pair of them set about picking up what they could find that belonged to the boys. Dwalin had picked up and moved the two packs that aside from a bit of blood had been strangely left behind before joining Balin in trying to find as much of the blonde's clothing, or anything else of him, as they could.

Tragically, not much of Fíli or his clothing remained, only tatters could be found but they were placed delicately into the blanket all the same, any flesh they found was placed in a small jar, hidden away out of respect for his family and for burial later.

Once every piece of leather had been found and placed in the middle of the blanket Balin and Dwalin turned to look at the last items that needed collecting, and they were the most painful to do. How often had Dwalin or other opponents tried to knock them out of Fíli's hands to beat him at training? How many hours had Fíli spent cleaning, polishing, and sharpening them? Pouring love and care into the blades that were an extension of himself? Now his beloved twin falchions would never feel a whetting stone across their blade or a polishing cloth from his hands again.

Dwalin swallowed thickly around the lump in his throat as he stepped forward, feeling sick that it was the blood that had pumped so strongly through the young heir not hours before that was coating the bottom of his boots, something that would have to be cleaned off, washed away like the owner had never mattered. He picked the swords up delicately by the blade, not wanting to touch the handles for fear he'd be able to feel the ghost of Fíli's touch in his final moments, fighting manically, unable to reach his brother.

Dwalin shook his head to clear it from the painful thoughts, grateful he had his back to the others to allow the single tear that had escaped to slip into his beard unseen. He stepped back through the blood the way he'd come, not wanting to disturb any more of it before crouching down next to the blanket, lowering the swords to the centre. The blanket wasn't particularly big, in fact when placed in the middle the swords hilts hung over the edge. After they were placed on the blanket Balin folded up the end where the tips of the blades were before wrapping the sides around the swords and leather, trapping them in a cocoon.

Balin scooped the blanket up and stood, nodding to his younger brother before turning to face Thorin, only he wasn't where he'd been moments before. Balin looked around quickly, shoulders sagging slightly in relief when he spotted him disappearing back down the path they'd taken. He and Dwalin went to follow him, but before they could Gloin appeared at their side.

"I can't imagine what he's going through, what he's going to go through." Gloin said in a hushed voice, all three of them watching Thorin's retreating form with sad eyes.

"No one can really understand the pain of losing a child, he's helped Dís raise them after all, they're like his sons." Balin agreed sadly. His heart was aching, knowing that his king and closest friend who he'd known since he was born was suffering a pain that he couldn't help heal.

"I know, I can't imagine losing Gimli, all I've been thinking about since we got here was what if had been him?" Gloin sighed, before focussing on the task at hand. "We've moved the orc carcasses from the forest; they're now outside the tree line. The warg's we'll have to come back to do with horses as they're too heavy to shift right now. Do we burn the carcasses now?"

"Don't do it yet. Wait until they're all shifted and we'll burn 'em together. I don't think anyone has the energy fer much else." Dwalin said. "Call everyone back, we'll go back to the horses together, give Thorin some time alone."

Gloin nodded before moving to fetch the others leaving Balin and Dwalin to stand there in silence, not knowing what to say to each other.

* * *

Further in the bush, away from prying eyes Thorin stumbled on the path, falling to one knee whilst a silent sob tore through him and tears streamed down his face. He gasped for breath, just willing his lungs and aching heart to function properly, to allow him to try and restore his stoic façade before anyone saw him. He held his right hand to his chest, fist sitting directly on his heart cradling the braids and beads he hadn't released as though they could bring him some kind of comfort. Fíli was gone, the bright, protective, even-tempered, eager to learn, trouble making, friendly, kind hearted and loving dwarf that had been the first light in his dark world for so long, one of the two most precious children in his life that he'd helped his sister raise since their father had died was gone. And he still had to tell his sister, he still had to tell Kíli.

He choked back a sob, his wild, carefree and loving nephew, who even now was fighting for his life had lost his other half, his partner in crime, his best friend. Thorin thought his heart would stop just from thinking about the look of grief that would be on his youngest nephews face, he wished with all his heart he could take the pain away, bring Fíli back to spare them both the grief and pain this night had brought.

He heard movement further back indicating the others were on their way. Inhaling deeply through his nose he stood, making his way quickly to his pony whilst drying his eyes. He'd pull himself together, he would be strong for his family and help get them through this, he'd look after them for Fíli if it was the last thing he did.


	6. My Many Regrets

**A/N: Hello Everyone! Sorry for the update delay, I had a few issues with the start of this chapter, I'm always nervous about bringing in a new OC, this character is crucial to the story, so please don't hate her too much. And yes I know, her name isn't very Elvish, but all will be explained later on. I hope you all come to love her :)**

**I also understand that some people might find the injuries slightly unrealistic but I'm just working off my imagination, Fili's injuries aren't that muscle and ligaments are being torn, more like really deep cuts that hurt like crazy. Don't forget dwarves are a hardy race, and its fiction :D  
**

**So between homework and school I've been diligently working on the story. You know how you write a chapter, then re-read it a few days later and think 'this doesn't fit into blahs personality', then decide to re-write it to try and make it sound better, only to go back a week later and go 'what was I thinking?! This is so off the mark!' FOUR TIMES! Four flaming times I've re-written chapter 8 as I just haven't been satisfied with it, but I'm happy with the way it's written now and the character reactions, so hopefully I'll have it completed soon and coming your way.**

**See PJ, I can give a chapter so where's the damn trailer?! **

**Welcome to psychosanity4humanity, ncis-lady and Celebrisilweth and other guests who've followed/favourited the story, as well as everyone else leaving comments, you guys are awesome!  
**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

* * *

Pain, white hot burning pain was all he felt when his mind first struggled to grasp onto some form of consciousness. Surely the knives that had been plunged into his skin, which were slowly moving downwards and splitting him wide open would cease soon and allow death to claim him quickly. It seemed it wasn't meant to be, and after what felt like days of agony the pain exploded in his head, blanking it and allowing him to slip into blissful sleep.

The second time he woke it was like attempting to walk through knee deep mud, trying to fight to some kind of coherency, to do anything other than be stuck in this darkness. And the heat, oh Mahal how it burned! Never in his life had he thought heat like this would be possible for any living being; only a fire at a forge could possibly burn at this temperature. Through the pain and the fire snatches of dreams whirled through his mind. Or, were they dreams? Could they be memories? He wasn't sure anymore.

_Get him out of here!_

_Love you Kíli, always…_

_Fee!_

Fíli gasped, drawing much needed air into his burning lungs as his brother's horrified cry for him stabbed through him like a knife. He felt weak and incredibly light headed from blood loss, every tiny movement he made sent blasts of pain coursing through him. He grit his teeth, trying to focus enough to numb the pain, but even gritting his teeth made him feel as though he was burning alive.  
His eyes snapped open, or, at least he thought they had. He blinked a few times but his vision stayed black. A whimper escaped his lips, what if he'd gone blind? What if –

Something soft wiped over his face before a finger was placed over his lips. He frowned, he hadn't made that much noise had he? Before he could think much on it something was lifted slightly from around his eyes. He blinked a few times as his vision swam into focus, squinting up at the face that hovered above him. The person was blurry and certainly didn't look like anyone he knew, but before he could do anything they raised the finger covering his lips to theirs before looking over their shoulder, replacing the blindfold hastily.

"I am taking him to the stream." A female voice said firmly.

There was a snarl in response which made Fíli freeze completely. He recognised that noise; he'd been fighting the creatures that made it not too long ago. Orcs; and it appeared that this female was helping them. Before he could say anything something happened making the female gasp in pain and the Orc to hiss again.

"You ain' takin' 'im anywhere elf-scum."

"You made me heal him when he was on the verge of death. I would rather have let him die to spare him what you'll put him through, but seeing as I am unable to do that I am going to do what I see fit to keep him alive and if that means taking him to the stream then that is what I will do. Besides I can hardly run off." Came the angry response, before another yelp of pain escaped her lips.

"Why inne awake yet?"

"Shall I run you through with a sword so we can see how quickly you recover?"

A hard slap above him had him twitching in shock as heavy footsteps moved away muttering angrily. He lay completely still, not sure what to expect when he felt a hand on his shoulder, it was light and gentle, mindful of any wounds he might have there. The grip became firm, easing him up slightly before an arm slid behind his back causing him to groan as the pain and fire ripped through him again.

"Shh shh, I am sorry." The female said again. There was a rattle before another arm was slipped under his legs and he was lifted gently from the ground. Being in the air didn't help any but he bit his lip to stop any other noises escaping.

Whoever the female carrying him was was gentle, and her strides were smooth which meant he wasn't jostled painfully once. Through the haze in his mind he noticed that the minimal noise that had been nearby faded until it was just a quiet buzz in the background.

He was lowered onto a thick patch of grass that cushioned his body, and to his relief his fingers touched a rock that he grabbed onto, grateful he now had some kind of weapon. Fighting to stay awake he waited, mindful of the fact his body was still screaming in pain until he felt and heard the female hovering and swung his fist, rock and all upwards to where she should be. There was a satisfying crunch and a cry of surprise as Fíli yanked the cloth off of his eyes and sat up, crying out and clutching at his head as waves of nausea washed over him. Vision still blurry, he could only just make out the form of the female hunched over next him and he raised the rock high, hoping that if he disabled her he would be able to escape before the Orcs noticed.

She looked up just as he went to swing again and grabbed his wrist, holding it in mid-air making Fíli gasp in agony as the movement caused a wound in his side to suddenly tear open again. Using her free hand she pried the rock from his grasp before dropping it out of his reach.

"Enough, you were gravely injured and will die on me if you do not allow me to finish treating you."

"I don't need the help of an Orc friend!" Fíli spat, breathing heavily through his teeth as the pain in his side got worse.

"I am no Orc friend." The elf growled back, standing suddenly to collect a bag that had been dropped not too far away.

Fíli collapsed back onto the grass with a cry, fighting wave after dizzying wave that left him trembling and gasping for breath. "Please," He whimpered "please I need to find my brother; I need to make sure he's ok."

The elf returned with the bag and sat next to him. "I am sorry, but you are too badly wounded to even think about standing, let alone anything else."

Fíli shook his head and tried to sit up again only to let out a cry of agony and fall sideways as he vomited blood and bile. He whimpered and rolled onto his back when he stopped, his throat now burning from the acid.

He felt awful, he was on fire as every movement he made was torture, shivers were constantly wracking his body and he could barely focus on what the elf was saying, the only thought he could focus on was _Kíli, have to find Kíli_

"What is your name?" The elf asked him gently, pulling several plants from her small bag and preparing them so she could chew on them to make a paste.

"Fíli," he groaned, fisting the grass as pain tore through his already weak body once more. "You?"

"Amber."

Amber placed a cool hand on his forehead and grimaced "a fever has already set in. I need to heal you now if you are to survive and I am afraid it will hurt, a lot."

Without giving him a chance to answer she pushed the first lot of paste directly into the large wound on his side that was visible through his torn clothing. Fíli screamed, grabbing at the grass as he writhed around, trying to push away her hands that were pinning him down.

"Kíli, save me." He screamed before his eyes rolled back into his head and he knew no more.

* * *

When Balin and Dwalin arrived at the road it was to find Thorin already on his pony, facing towards Ered Luin and away from them all. The pair looked at each other before walking towards their friend, noticing the others had appeared and were also mounting their horses.

Balin stopped at Thorin's side. "These belong to you, to your family. It is only right that you should carry them."

Thorin kept looking straight ahead as though he hadn't heard him.

"Thorin," Balin said quietly, touching his friend's knee to try and elicit some kind of response.

Thorin squeezed his eyes shut, a single tear rolling down his face into his beard. He turned and looked at the brothers with tortured eyes before holding out his arms silently. Balin thought his heart would break at the broken look in his eye and almost decided against handing the bundle over, but he knew he had no right to refuse him this tiny comfort.

With a heavy heart Balin placed the bundle in Thorin's arms, noticing the closed fist with the bloodied golden braids poking out. When he let go Thorin pulled the bundle up, hugging it to his chest and looking ahead as a blank and distant look settled on his face.

Balin turned away and followed Dwalin to the ponies, grabbing his brothers arm to stop him from mounting. "Dwalin," he said in a low voice "stick with Thorin. He shouldn't be alone right now and I think you're the only one he'll respond to."

"Aye, you know I will."

Balin looked around at the solemn group and sighed. "Let's go home." He said quietly, nudging his pony to the head of the group.

Dwalin manoeuvred his pony until he was next to Thorin who was waiting for the others to leave, holding his head high but never once releasing the firm grip on the precious cargo he now held. A wide gap had formed before Thorin finally encouraged his pony to follow the rest, Dwalin staying right by his side.

Minutes passed in silence, Dwalin kept casting sideways looks at Thorin who hadn't moved once and hadn't weakened his hold on the blanket or the braids either. Finally he looked fully at his best friend and let out a sigh "Thorin -"

"Don't Dwalin," Thorin said cutting him off with a quiet voice "just don't. There is nothing you can say that will change what happened, nothing you can say that can bring him back. I failed my family, I failed him." Thorin's voice broke at that and he squeezed his eyes closed, looking away from his friend.

"You didn't fail your family and you certainly didn't fail that boy. Fíli loved you Thorin, you meant everything to him! And don't you dare tell me you should have done more for his training!" He said angrily, cutting his friend off when his mouth opened. "You and I both know he and Kíli were well ahead of their years when it came to their training, I've yet to meet another swordsman who can fight with dual swords as naturally as what he could, nor have I met a dwarven archer who could hope to match Kíli, and I've never met a pair deadlier when they fight together as those two."

"I failed him Dwalin! I was supposed to step down and give Fíli the throne when we reclaimed Erebor and my rule had come to an end, I was supposed to see his coronation before my time was up, I was supposed to hold his and Kíli's children and tell them stories when old age had rendered me useless for all else. Supposed supposed supposed! All these things I was supposed to do and now never can because I let my guard down, allowed myself to feel safe for the first time in a long time!" Thorin yelled angrily, ignoring the sad glances thrown back at him from the dwarves further up.

He let out a sigh and continued quietly "Too long have I held him and Kíli at arm's length, treating them just as heirs rather than nephews, no matter how much it broke my heart when they thought they had to ask permission to talk to me rather than throw themselves at me as they once did, and it is something I cannot fix but now instead must carry as another failure of myself."

Dwalin moved his pony so she cut Thorin off and he came up alongside him, allowing him to glare at his friend directly rather than side on. He grabbed his shoulders and looked at him in the eye. "You cannot blame yourself Thorin, it is an empty guilt that you blame yourself with, one you must learn to let go off because there is another dwarf who will need you more than ever."

"Kíli." Thorin murmured lowering his eyes and hugging the blanket to him.

"Yes, Kíli. When that boy wakes up and learns his brother's gone he is going to need every bit of support he can get to even think about getting through this. I've always known that if one of them goes the other will attempt to follow, I won't allow that to happen and I know you won't either. He'll blame himself for what happened and he'll need you more than ever to get through this." He said sternly. "We'll get through this, one day and one step at a time."

Thorin let out a weak chuckle "when did you become so wise?"

"Since Balin told me to look after you. Don't worry, all this wiseness will probably be gone by tomorrow." He said with a chuckle. He moved his pony around the back of Thorin's and drew up alongside him. "You need to grieve, everyone does, but we'll be there for you every step of the way. You're not alone."

Thorin gave a tiny nod and the pair nudged the ponies to follow the rest of their group back to town.

* * *

The rest of the trip passed in silence. Thorin had kept his distance from the rest of the group, only Dwalin had stuck by him and he was grateful for the silent support. The quiet gave him time to think about what he'd say to Dís and eventually Kíli about what they had found, he knew they'd have to talk about it eventually, he needed to know exactly how his he- no his _nephew_, he mentally berated himself, had fallen.

Thorin looked up when a cry of "open the gates" echoed through the air. The subdued group entered, Thorin and Dwalin kicking their ponies to catch up and pass the group to head straight for the healers. He needed to get to Dís; he needed to get to his family so they could mourn and work through this dark time together.

Thorin left Balin to deal with anyone who was waiting for news, knowing he would join them as soon as he'd sent them away with the promise of a town meeting in the morning to inform everyone of what had happened, but more importantly after his sister had been told. They quickly approached the Healers House, and a healer who had been outside smoking his pipe looked up when he heard them approach and dashed inside.

Thorin slowed his pony and climbed off, never loosening his grip on the items he held and walked forward, spotting a dark haired dwarf dashing past a window and seconds later Dís came hurrying out. Thorin inhaled deeply, mentally preparing himself for the myriad of emotions Dís was bound to go through.

"Thorin!" Dís cried as she hurtled towards him "Thorin where is he? Where is my baby?" She came to a sudden stop in front of him, black hair wild and dark eyes searching his face frantically.

"I'm so sorry Dís." Thorin whispered, shifting the blankets so she could see the hilts of Fíli's falchions.

Dís looked at the bundle in her brothers' arms in horror, her face paling as she fixed rapidly watering brown eyes on him. "No," she whispered brokenly "tell me it isn't true."

Thorin lowered his eyes, unable to look at the raw grief on his sisters' face.

"No," she moaned

"Dís..."

"NononononoNO!" She wailed, breaking into sobs and grabbing onto Thorin as her knees gave out, dragging him down with her. Thorin dropped the bundle and wrapped his sister in his arms and Dís buried her face in his shoulder, crying and beating her fists against his shoulders in denial.

Thorin rested a hand on the back of her head, running his fingers over her hair as he squeezed his own eyes shut against the fresh tears that started overflowing. He buried his face into her neck, trying to stifle the fresh sobs that began to break free and noticed that Dís was no longer hitting him but had instead curled her hands into his tunic, holding onto him tightly. It was with heavy hearts that Dwalin and Balin, who had joined them just as Dís appeared, watched the two heirs of Durin grieve for their lost child.

It felt like an age had passed before the sobs wracking Dís' body subsided, and only quiet sniffles could be heard as Thorin continued to hold her. Thorin kissed her temple before resting his forehead against hers, letting out a quiet sigh and looking her in the eye.

"Oh Dís, what I would give to change what happened... We will get through this, this I promise you." Thorin whispered softly.

"I don't know what to do Thorin. I never thought I'd have to go through this again." Dís admitted quietly, hiccupping slightly.

"We will get each other through this; we will get Kíli through this. He will need us more than ever before and I will not allow him to pull away and disappear inside himself, I can't lose him as well."

Dís nodded, sniffing softly before releasing her hold on Thorin's clothes and pulling back to dry her eyes. Thorin cupped his sister's face and kissed her forehead gently. He scooped up the blanket and looked at her "these should go to Kíli."

Dís nodded, running her thumb along the red gold braids she now held in her hand, suddenly feeling older beyond her years. Her mourning was far from over, but it was something she would do privately, away from pitying eyes and in an attempt to show a brave face to their people, for her beloved lion.

But for now she had to look after her injured raven, nurse him back to health from his injuries, but more importantly try to help ease his broken heart.


	7. Waking To A Nightmare

**A/N: Hello everyone! So between homework and school I've been diligently working on the story. You know how you write a chapter, then re-read it a few days later and think 'this doesn't fit into blahs personality', then decide to re-write it to try and make it sound better, only to go back a week later and go 'what was I thinking?! This is so off the mark!' FOUR TIMES! Four flaming times I've re-written the next chapter as I just haven't been satisfied with it, but I'm happy with the way it's written now and the character reactions, so hopefully I'll have it completed soon and coming your way.**

**Welcome to the new followers/favoriters: Auua Ytjoml &amp; Akeea, **and thanks to everyone who's commented and favourited, you guys are awesome!  
****

**I'm dedicating this chapter to my friend Lakota who I've discovered is an awesome person to talk to and a massive Deano fan just like me. This chapter's for you girl :D **

**Also FYI I've changed the rating to a T. However there are one or two chapters that the rating should probably be an M for, so I will warn you when those chapters come around and I'll 'tag' it so you can decide if you want to avoid it :) (there's nothing sexual in this story, more violence and torture, but again I'll let you know which chapters it applies to).**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

* * *

Dís stood and took a deep breath, allowing a mask of calm to overtake her features as she looked to the part of the Healing House she knew held her son. She couldn't let her grief overcome her, not now, not when her youngest (and now only) would be suffering a whirlwind of emotions as he struggled to come to terms with this new reality.

Her heart clenched in pain as she walked inside, her mind flooded with memories of when her older brother Frerin died and how both she and Thorin had reacted, their reactions the complete opposite of the other; hers yelling, screaming and tears whilst Thorin's was to shut down, barely function or acknowledge his surroundings. Reactions so different yet so similar as they believed their world could never heal, but they had recovered slowly over time. But what would it be like for Kíli? Her, Thorin and Frerin were never as close as what he and Fíli were, if she had thought back then that she'd never recover, she couldn't bear to think what Kíli would be like when he found out.

She felt numb as she walked towards her son's room, she needed him, needed the comfort she knew just being near him could bring. She would do whatever it took to protect him, consequences be damned, but she refused to lose him. She shuddered as she thought about her little raven looking so pale and still, so unnatural.

_Oh Kíli_, she thought sadly, _I would give anything to spare you the grief you will go through my love._

When they arrived at Kíli's room they found his door shut but could hear talking inside. Dís looked at Thorin, who had stayed close behind her silently with a worried frown, Kíli had been fine when she left her sons side not too long ago. Before she could say anything the door opened and Oin walked out, a look of relief on his face when he spotted the pair.

"His fever is making him sweat out the poppy milk too quickly." Oin said in way of greeting. "I had hoped he'd stay under longer to get some rest but the lad has always been stubborn at the best of times. I was actually about to come get you as he's starting to struggle and if he keeps it up he's in danger of pulling his stitches and bleeding to death. He keeps-"

There was a yell causing all three of them to look at his door in alarm before Oin wrenched it open and dashed inside, Dís and Thorin close behind.

At the bed two healers were trying to pin Kíli's flailing arms down whilst a third was attempting to give him something to drink, but Kíli kept turning his head away every time the healer came near.

"This is ridiculous!" The healer with the cup yelled in frustration after Kíli head-butted the cup and spilt its contents. "Master Kíli you need the poppy milk!"

"I need my brother!" He cried back weakly with renewed struggles, panting as the pain coursed through him relentlessly.

Thorin gently placed the bundle he'd taken back off Dís onto a chair and raced over, him and Dís taking over from the healers to try and calm the panicking dwarf.

"Although his struggles indicate otherwise, he's not fully coherent." The healer Thorin took over from said.

"Understood" was the only response given.

Upon hearing his Uncle's voice Kíli's eyes snapped open and darted around unseeingly. "Uncle" he whimpered, face contorting in pain as the stitches in his stomach pulled again.

"Shhh Kíli," Dís soothed, her voice wavering as she ran a hand over he sons burning forehead. It was killing her seeing him like this, injured and afraid, not knowing what was going on. "You need to relax or you're going to hurt yourself even more."

"Mama, where's Fee?" He asked weakly, blinking rapidly to try and clear his vision so he could bring into focus the two blurry shapes above him.

"He's... He's not here right now Kíli." Thorin answered quietly. He had almost revealed Fíli's fate then and there, but the look of terror that had appeared in Kíli's hazed eyes when he paused, he couldn't bring himself to do it, not yet.

Kíli's whirling mind tried to grasp onto what his Uncle had just said. Something wasn't right, Fíli wouldn't just be absent when he was here, injured and in pain. Fíli had never left him when he needed him the most. The pain in his stomach brought back memories of how the injuries happened, but at the forefront of his mind was seeing his golden brother disappear under a sea of grey and black bodies.

That moment the healer returned with another cup of poppy milk. "You need to drink this." He said firmly as he pushed the cup against Kíli's lips.

Kíli may have been injured, but his fight hadn't lessened any, in fact it had just engulfed every corner of his mind in his desperation to get to his brother. He realised Fíli wasn't there for him because he had to be lying in another room, needing Kíli but unable to get to him. He yanked his arm free from Thorin's slackened grip and slammed his injured arm into the cup with a feral snarl, sending it crashing to the floor.

"Fíli!" He cried out "FÍLI! I'm - get _off_ me! I'm coming!" He yelled, struggling to free himself from his mother's and Uncle's hold.

"Kíli! Please stop!" Dís begged hysterically, trying to hold her sons flailing limbs. "Stop moving!"

"Kíli-" Thorin let out a grunt as one of his nephews fists connected with the side of his face.

"I want Fíli!" Kíli cried as the echoes of clashing swords rang in his ears "where is my brother?!"

"Kíli stop moving! You're going to hurt yourself more!" Thorin yelled, contemplating lying across his nephew to pin him down. But his comment didn't deter his nephew, if anything it made him struggle more. Dís was barely holding it together and Thorin wasn't sure how much longer Kíli's stitches would hold out.

"I WANT MY BROTHER!"

"Stop moving!"

"WHERE IS HE?!"

"HE'S DEAD!" Thorin roared.

The room instantly went still, only the merrily crackling fire and the heavy panting from both Thorin and Kíli could be heard. Thorin stared down at his frozen nephew. Wide, horrified brown eyes framed by a pale face looked back at him, as though they were waiting for a smile, a chuckle, something to tell him that it was only a joke.

Thorin swallowed "Kíli..." He said quietly.

His name is what broke him out of his shock. He started trembling, his eyes filling with tears and his bottom lip quivering as he shook his head. "No," he whimpered "no you're lying!"

Thorin grabbed Kíli's face lightly. "I'm so sorry Kíli, I wish I was. He..." He broke off with a sob, unable to finish his sentence.

"He's not dead! HE WOULDN'T LEAVE ME!" Kíli screamed back. Thorin was wrong, he was lying; Fíli would never leave him behind!

Thorin gripped Kíli's face firmly, looking at him in desperation. "We got to your camp Kíli, it was a bloodbath! There was nothing left of him except for his braids and swords. I'm so sorry Kíli but there's... There's nothing left. He's gone!"

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" Kíli screamed. He punched out at Thorin, collecting him in the eye sending him reeling from the bed in surprise and tore his arm from his mother's grasp. He sat up quickly; crying in pain as some of the stitches finally tore from the sudden movement and threw himself off the bed onto his knees.

Thorin recovered quickly and threw himself at the young dwarf to stop him crawling away and making his injuries worse. He grabbed him around his chest and pulled him flush against him, narrowly avoiding the head that was slammed backwards in the fight for freedom. He wrapped one of his arms around the squirming dwarf so he could pin Kíli's forearms to his sides, and tried to use his other hand to hold his head against his shoulder.

Kíli squirmed and hissed and spat like a trapped animal, wanting to be rid of the prison he'd been caught in. When he realised he couldn't get free he did the only thing he could do, he screamed and howled at the agony in his heart, cursing Mahal and Aüle and every other higher being out there for taking his brother from him, the one person who was meant to stay by his side forever.

Dís fell to her knees beside her family, sobbing uncontrollably as the tears flowed freely down her face. She tried to lay her hand on her screaming sons head but pulled back quickly when he jerked his head backwards once more. "Kíli please!" She sobbed, "Sweet heart please..."

It was in this moment that Oin appeared with the third cup for the evening. "Hold his head Thorin." The healer instructed calmly as he crouched at Thorin's side.

Thorin nodded and trapped Kíli's head in the crook of his neck with his palm, tightening his hold to keep him in place. He placed his temple against the top of the brown hair and squeezed his eyes shut against the tears that were threatening to spill free, cursing himself for having to hold his grieving nephew down even if it was for the best.

He watched through watery eyes as Oin used Iglishmêk to communicate with Dís out of Kíli's eye line before he moved forward and gripped Kíli's jaw, squeezing it so his mouth opened and placed the cup against his lips before pouring the liquid into his mouth. Before Kíli could spit it back out Dís as instructed quickly clamped a trembling hand across his mouth and used her other hand to pinch his nose slightly. All three dwarves cringed at the look of betrayal in Kíli's eyes before they eventually saw his throat bob as he swallowed. Dís withdrew her hands quickly, tears pouring down her face as she quietly begged her child for forgiveness for what they were doing. They all knew it was for the best, but that didn't make it any easier.

The moment his mouth and nose were freed Kíli gasped in the oxygen that had been denied to him before he started screaming again, his lungs beginning to protest as he struggled to breathe. The weight of his Uncle's arm, the pain in his heart, the knowledge that not only would he never see his brother again, that he couldn't even _see_ him, for there was nothing for him to beat his fist upon, allow tears to fall onto, or to whisper final prayers and pleading to have him returned made it feel as though the entire world was crashing upon him, and that he was being left to stand upon a desolate plain on his own.

Slowly the poppy milk began to work its magic, and Kíli's screams began to die down to whimpers and choked sobs as Oin poured the last of the liquid into his mouth, Kíli not even bothering to try and spit it back up. Thorin continued to rock him gently, making soothing noises in his nephew's ear as he buried his face in the long hair, not wanting the others to see him crying. Eventually even the whimpers stopped as the injured prince finally succumbed to unconsciousness once more.

"Fíli." Was the last thing he whimpered before he went limp in Thorin's arms.

"Alright," Oin said gently as he began checking Kíli's stomach wound "I added some valerian root to the poppy milk which will definitely keep him under for good while. It's more durable than the poppy milk, harder to sweat out. Now from what I can see I think it's only the outside stitches that he's reopened as well, let's get him back onto the bed so I can fix him up."

Thorin took a deep breath before he nodded and lifted his eyes from the dark locks which were now damp from his tears. With Oin holding the now limp Kíli he extracted himself and picked up his nephew before carrying him to the bed. He lay Kíli down gently, placing a kiss to his forehead before putting their foreheads together.

"I will always catch you Kíli, no matter how far you fall." He whispered before taking a seat next to the bed, pulling his sister to him as she brought a chair over to sit next to him and hugged her fiercely, refusing to let her go until morn.


	8. Far From Home

**A/N: Hello everyone! Alrighty *claps hands together* so, here we go. Yes you get a nice long chapter as an apology for a massive gap between updates, but mainly because I kind of wanted to get all of Amber's background out of the way in one go so we can get onto the good stuff, and there's good stuff next chapter :D If you don't like her story I do apologise, but I feel as though something like this is possible in Middle Earth. Besides its important stuff for her to have if we want Fíli to even have a chance of getting to the end of this alive.**

**So after 7 re-reads and 4 partial/full re-writes over the last month I am finally happy with it. I realised I need to edit the first chapter (and probably the others) so when I have time who knows, maybe I'll fix everything up, but this by far is the hardest chapter I've ever had to write, and it's probably because of the fact I've created a brand new character.**

**Also if anyone is confused by the 'times' for this I'll quickly clarify. The boys were attacked at night and Fíli was taken by the Orcs, Kíli to the healers. Basically chapters 1-6 happened in one night, one part after another (you get the idea). Chapter 7 happened sometime the next day, either early hours of the morning or during the day itself, this is based the next night.**

**I hope you guys enjoy it :D If you want sneak peaks and the likes I'm now on Tumblr with the same username so look me up!  
**

**Welcome to loki98, brynpetals, Bunny's daughter, KI0udz, dipps, Chocochino11 and ladybria and special thanks to everyone who has favourited/followed, you guys are awesome!  
**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

* * *

The light of the setting sun clung weakly to the leaves when Fíli began to stir. He moved his arm only to groan quietly at how stiff the muscles had become, and in his barely awake mind he tried to recall what he'd been doing that would give him aches as bad as this, even his training lately hadn't weakened him this badly. Pushing gingerly on the ground he rolled himself over onto his back, letting out an unsteady breath as every muscle seemed to scream in protest, and it was the pain that summoned the memories of earlier from the corner of his mind.

Fíli sat up instantly and let out a quiet whimper as everything in his body pulled taught from the sudden movements, forcing him to wait until the new angle allowed his muscles to loosen slightly. Taking several breaths to calm his racing heart Fíli managed to shift onto his hands and knees, knowing it would be almost impossible to get his body any higher with the pain he was in before crawling forwards. The strange noises floating on the early evening air from behind a large boulder drew Fíli in, and crawling slowly he made his way over, determined to find out what he was up against.

What he didn't expect was to see an entire Orc pack directly behind it, nor the Wargs chained to the trees on the opposite side of the clearing. Fíli swallowed in fear of being so close to so many when he was weak; thankfully most of the Orcs appeared to be asleep with only a few sitting on the edges of the clearing keeping watch.

'_Orc's can't travel in daylight'_, Dwalin's voice came floating back to him from a lesson long past, and looking up through the gaps of the leaves guessed he only had a little longer before they woke.

Fíli glanced around the clearing quickly as he weighed up his options. The Orcs on watch had their backs to the campsite, focused instead on the bush ahead as they were unlikely to expect anyone to sneak off.

'_Fools'_ Fíli thought to himself with amusement just as he laid eyes on a gap not too far from where he was hidden, and to his relief there was enough room for him to get past without stepping, or kneeling in his case, on an Orc accidentally. Fíli glanced around the clearing once more and satisfied they wouldn't notice him he crawled forwards, only to come to a sudden stop when a weight on his neck pulled him backwards.

"I would not attempt that if I were you." A quiet voice called from behind him.

Fíli spun around, only to find the Elf from his memories in front of him, although she didn't look quite how he remembered her. Cuts, scars and mottled bruises now covered her face and her hair, although he couldn't remember much, appeared to be patchy in areas as though sections had be torn away. The Elf wasn't looking at him however; she was looking at the ground next to him. Fíli looked down, only to have his stomach drop in despair. An iron chain lay next to him, leading up his body to fasten around his neck whilst the other end led back to the tree the Elf was sitting in front of, the end wrapped around the trunk before being secured with a heavy iron nail. Fíli tugged at the chain desperately, hoping with a fools hope that the nail would just slip free. The Elf sat there watching him silently as he struggled with his bonds in vain, only to give up with a growl of anger as the links rubbed on his neck painfully before looking at the ground in disgust.

"Come" the Elf called quietly, only to frown slightly when Fíli shook his head.

"I need to get out of here! I can't stay I have to go home." Fíli hissed angrily.

"Escape is impossible, please come here before they discover you are awake." The Elf insisted again in her quiet voice.

Fíli glared at the Elf who stared back at him, until eventually with a growl of annoyance he moved back towards her, still having to crawl as his body still refused to allow him to stand. _If Uncle Thorin saw me on my knees in front of an Elf…_ he thought angrily, however he couldn't help but snort quietly in amusement as he imagined his Uncle's reaction. Fíli stopped short of the tree before sitting down to face her, refusing to get closer until he knew if she was friend or foe. Something in the back of his mind told him he knew the answer, but that thought was shrouded in pain and anger making it hard to focus on.

"Who are you?" Fíli asked as he sized up the Elf in front of him suspiciously. If circumstances had been different when they first met he believed she would have been quite beautiful, at least by Elven standards, and if she had been a dwarf he would have had no hesitations attempting to court her. Sadly for him even the thought of finding a partner had been put aside when he began the harder aspects of royal training, but if she had been a Dwarven maiden he knew he would have made an effort, which surprised him greatly.

Closer inspection of his new companion however distressed Fíli greatly. She was skin and bone, any muscle she'd built up one of the first things to diminish, her fair skin barely showing through the dirt and grime that had built up over time and the areas that were somewhat clean were covered in bruises and old scars. Her hair which looked like it might be a tawny gold like his own under all the dirt had been cut or ripped out in places, and looked as though it hadn't been washed for many months as it hung limp from her shoulders. Her clothing, which once appeared to be made of strong and sturdy material hung like rags on her skinny frame, full of holes and was most likely left on for modesty rather than warmth.

"Amber, at your service." Amber said, dragging Fíli from his musings as she crossed an arm across her chest and brought it out with an open hand.

Fíli couldn't help but be taken aback at the politeness of the Elf in front of him. Tied to a tree, dried blood on her face and most likely in pain yet she still treated him with respect. He realised she was staring at him and despite the situation couldn't help the slight blush that rose at his rudeness.

"Fíli, at yours." He responded, tilting his head slightly, only to wince when the movement pulled a muscle in his neck.

"I am glad to see you awake Fíli," Amber admitted quietly "I was beginning to fear I was too late in healing you, I came close to losing you."

Fíli slowly exhaled at her revelation. "I hadn't realised how badly injured I was, thank you for saving my life. Perhaps there is one more thing you could do for me." He asked quietly.

"I shall do my best, what is it?"

"Get me out of here." Fíli hissed demandingly.

Amber sighed and looked at the ground. "Fíli I cannot -"

"You don't understand!" Fíli growled furiously "my brother is still out there, injured and alone. I've never left him before and nothing will stop me from getting back to him, so I suggest you either help me or stay out of my way."

Her head snapped up as she bristled at his tone. "And how would you suggest you get free? Hm?! As you saw there are more Orcs over there than either of us combined, so how exactly would you suggest we escape when you cannot even stand!" Amber hissed back, her eyes darting around to see if they had alerted any of their captors.

"You're an Elf! Elves are meant to possess magic are they not? So make yourself useful and get us out of here." Fíli retorted, keeping his voice low when he saw Amber looking around. He was reluctant to get into a confrontation with the Orcs when he was planning on escaping.

Amber cursed him in her own tongue. "You ungrateful whelp! If I truly possessed the ability to melt metal to free myself, do you not think that perhaps I would have been free already?" She snapped in annoyance.

The pair glared at each other for a long time, chests heaving in anger. Eventually Fíli cursed and turned away. He took several breaths, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to calm his racing heart. When he was sure he had calmed somewhat he looked back at her somewhat apologetically.

"I'm sorry." He forced out finally "I never intended to imply that you were here by choice. It's just that, my brother, Kíli…" He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Kíli, he's my little brother and he was with me when we were attacked. From the moment he was born I swore I'd protect him and I managed to get him away but he was hurt and I-"

Fíli's voice wavered slightly as a single tear trickled down his cheek. "I don't know if he made it home. I need to go back, to see if he's alive because he means everything to me and I don't know what I'd do if he d- if he didn't make it." He closed his eyes, ashamed at the wetness he could feel trailing down his cheeks but he made no move to wipe them away. He didn't want to think about if he'd been too late to save his brother, his other half having died because he'd been too slow to protect him. He would give anything then and there to know Kíli was still alive.

The fight drained out of Amber as she watched the golden haired dwarf cry silently. She wanted to reach out and comfort him, but Dwarves were a solitary race, suspicious of outsiders and she was certain any attempt at comfort from her wouldn't be welcome.

"If you fought to protect your brother the same way you fought to stay alive when on deaths door then I have no doubt that your brother still lives. No matter what happens to him now you showed him the greatest love a brother could ever give by sacrificing yourself for him." She said gently, hoping that it would ease the dwarf's pain somewhat.

Fíli nodded, praying silently to Mahal and Aüle that when he escaped he'd find his little brother safe and sound.

"Thank you," he said quietly, giving Amber a small smile. "Your words are more than I deserve after my outburst towards you."

Amber chuckled lightly. "I believe most of my kind have a reputation for being uncaring, but I assure you we are not all like that."

Fíli nodded. He knew that to be true as although their faces had faded from his memory he could remember the feeling of safety he'd felt when he was five years old and in the company of two Elves, Elladan and Elrohir. He barely remembered anything about them but from what he could remember, and from what his mother had told him they had been kind and protective when he was with them. He couldn't help but smile at the memory of his mother's stories about the two elves that defeated the great Thorin Oakenshield with their kindness. Thinking about the Elves raised another question for him.

"Why Amber?"

"Why what?" Amber asked in confusion.

"Your name," Fíli clarified "it's not very Elven."

Satisfied Fíli wasn't planning to attempt another escape, at least for the time being, Amber sat at the base of the tree once more and patted the ground next to her. "You would be correct" she said as Fíli joined her on the ground, "The eve I was born was after a deadly thunderstorm, and when it stopped the setting sun created a golden light that filled sky. My Ada and Naneth said that the colour was the most beautiful thing they had seen in many a year, and believed it to be a fitting name for their youngest daughter in its remembrance." She chuckled quietly, lost in her own memories. "My Naneth cared nothing for tradition or expectation, and my Ada only ever wanted her to be happy. They were different from others of our kind but that is what made them special."

Fíli couldn't help but smile at the fond look that crossed her face as she thought of her family, understanding the smile for it was the same as the one that crossed his face whenever he thought about his own.

"Where are your family now? Would they not be wondering where you are?" Fíli asked curiously.

Amber looked into the forest unseeingly. "My family sailed West long ago, I am all that is left of my kin. I imagine there is someone somewhere wondering where I have gone; rangers for the most part as I have been a prisoner for a little over three full moons. This pack came through and slaughtered all the villagers where I was staying, from what I have been told they were looking for me. They tortured me until I was on the brink of death before they took me to their campsite."

A disgusted look crossed her face as she spoke. "It is how they operate, they torture us until we pass out, I am forced to heal us and then when we are unconscious they travel. Healing myself alone is tiring but healing others as well is exhausting and it takes longer for me to recover. It is why I have been unable to escape as I have spent the entirety of my imprisonment healing myself and another dwarf who was my companion, as well as lying unconscious as my body tries to recover even a shred of the strength I used to have." Amber refused to look at Fíli, too embarrassed at her own weakness no matter what she had been through.

"The other dwarf," Fíli asked with a frown, "who is he?" He looked around, unable to see a third chain which might indicate where their companion was hiding.

"A dwarf from the Iron Hills. He told me he was on his way to Ered Luin when he was captured five full moons ago. He was old when they captured him and how he survived his injuries before I was caught is beyond me."

"I remember him," Fíli said thoughtfully, remembering a conversation he'd overhead from Thorin about a missing emissary from the Iron Hills "or rather a meeting about him. He was on his way to see my uncle but he never arrived. Everyone thought he'd died on the road. Where is he?"

Amber closed her eyes and bowed her head, giving Fíli his answer.

"How?" Fíli asked nervously.

"It's because of him no one will think to look for you." Amber replied softly. She lifted her head and looked him in the eye. "He was dying; old age, illness and a lack of desire to live had him fading quickly and I no longer had the ability to help him. One of the scouts saw you and your brother during the day and informed the pack. They followed you from a distance and waited until nightfall before gagging us and tying us to one of the trees when they attacked. They were planning on taking you both however your brother escaped before they could grab him, and after they captured you they took my companion away. He - I heard them kill him before they dragged you to me and made me heal you enough to keep you alive."

"Even if they killed him my Uncle would be able to tell it wasn't me. I'm not old." Fíli said indignantly, yet relieved he'd been able to spare his brother what he was going through now.

"Do you really think they would deny their Warg's a meal?" She asked. "These Orcs are smarter than normal, they would have made sure there were just enough unimportant pieces left and as much blood as possible that there could be no doubt what happened. Your weapons, your braids, they were all taken and left there to make sure they believed you were dead."

Fíli's hands shot to his head, feeling where his braids had indeed been sliced away. "Wouldn't they have heard the Orcs or me screaming if you healed me?" He asked in a broken voice. "We were but a league from town, surely the noise would have carried."

"You were unconscious when I first healed you. They took us several leagues before they allowed me to heal you properly which was when you woke. No one would have heard you, and that was at least a day ago." With every word Amber spoke he felt his hope fade as he began to realise there was no chance that someone would come looking for him.

All he could do was nod numbly. He was far from home, alone and dead to his family and faced with what they would find how could they think any different? And Kíli, his beloved brother, how would he react when he learnt about what they'd eventually find? Fíli bit back a sob when he thought about how Kíli would react when he realised he was alone because he was gone, knowing Fíli would never see him fall in love, get married or have the chance to play with his children like the proud Uncle he'd be because his older brother would never be by his side again.

"I am sorry Fíli. I would give anything to free you but…" Amber sighed quietly. "It is impossible."

Fíli nodded, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes harshly and took a deep breath. "I understand." He said quietly. "I get that I'm alive for a purpose so forgive me for sounding harsh, but why aren't you dead? I'm sure there have been multiple opportunities for you to end your suffering."

"Not long after I was born an Istari came to bless me. He was one of the blue wizards, what his name was I was never told. He said that I was destined to fight in the war against evil, and that I would protect the innocent from the foul creatures who walk our lands. But you must understand that magic has a mind of its own, it is a fickle thing that took the good intentions of the Istari and turned it into something more." Amber waved a hand at her body, "I have been dealt injuries many times that to others would be fatal but my body, _my blessing_," she spat "allows me to heal myself and the gift of the Elves allows me to heal others. After meeting with a wizard named Gandalf and the Lady of Lorien that I learnt that it is not ordinary evil that keeps me here, but likely something else entirely."

Fíli's eyes widened when he realised she couldn't die. "What is so powerful that it could keep you here?" He asked bewildered.

"Have you ever heard of the Dark Lord Sauron?"

Fíli gaped at her. He knew the stories of course, how could he not? "He was killed, Isildur killed him!"

"His body was destroyed yes, but there are those who do not believe him to be gone, rumours that part of him survived the war. If what they say is true I cannot die nor pass into the West until he is gone, or I must wait until my true purpose is completed. Until then I am cursed to walk this earth, whether that is free or as a slave to the very essence I am meant to destroy I do not know."

Fíli sat there stunned, unsure as to whether he was more surprised by the knowledge that she couldn't die and was truly stuck here no matter how hard she tried to end her suffering, or that there was a possibility that the greatest evil to have ever threatened Middle Earth was still alive.

Whilst Fíli was silent Amber looked around in front of her and found a small stone with ragged edges. She picked it up and turned it over in her palm, running her thumb along the edge and satisfied that it would do the job she looked around at the bases of the trees surrounding them, spotting one off to her left that had enough cover from prying eyes. Grass had grown up an arms-length at the base of the tree and trying to disturb the grass as little as possible she made a small gap. Using the stone she started cutting into the tree, dragging the jagged edge repeatedly across the bark until it met the smooth wood underneath. She peeled away a chunk the size of her palm before she started carving into the wood, digging the edge in deeply so that when the tree began to repair itself, it would leave a scar behind leaving her markings in the flesh permanently.

"What are you doing?" Fíli asked, frowning at the strange symbols on the tree.

"I am leaving our marks and an estimate of how many days it has been since I healed you."

"Why?"

"Because if by pure luck we end up back here I will know where we are."

"Why does it matter?"

Amber let the stone fall from her hand, murmuring quietly as she ran her fingers over the cuts which glowed a soft gold before fading away as quickly as it had come.

"Come," she said instead and ignoring his question "I need to check your wounds."

It wasn't an answer but Fíli wasn't going to push. He didn't know how long they'd be together but he knew it wouldn't do to have her angry with him if he began questioning everything she did. After all if she had her reasons they were hers to share willingly, not by force.

He went and sat down in front of her, still uncomfortable with her closeness, but swallowed it down and did as she instructed so she could examine all his wounds. She was satisfied with her healing, telling him that the pain would linger for a while as his body adjusted to the repaired muscles and flesh. She was checking to make sure none of the shallower cuts she had left to heal normally had gotten infected when she whipped her head around in alarm.

"What is-" Fíli began.

"The dwarf-scums finally awake is 'e?" An Orc hissed as he appeared from behind the boulder they'd been hidden behind.

"Leave him alone." Amber said, her voice wavering slightly as they both hurried to their feet. "He has only just woken and is still weak from your attack."

The Orc looked at Fíli, a foul smile pulling his lips up as he gnashed his teeth. "He looks fine t'me."

Amber pushed Fíli behind her, blocking the Orcs view of the dwarf. "He is not ready for what you want. Take me instead."

The Orc cackled as he approached. "I think that's up to us to decide, not you elf-wretch." Five other Orcs appeared from the campsite, all brandishing swords and lengths of rope.

Fíli cursed. They were trapped, tied to the tree like animals for slaughter. He looked around quickly but before he could act an Orc appeared from behind, slamming the hilt of his sword into the back of Ambers head and sending her down with a cry of pain. Before Fíli could move another Orc repeated the movement on him, sending him crashing to his knees.

Fíli blinked rapidly as he tried to clear the black spots from his vision only to feel several pairs of hands on him, grabbing and pulling him upright. He felt something tighten around his wrists as his vision finally cleared and got a glimpse of the rope tied around them before he was pulled forwards harshly making him stumble.

"FÍLI!" Amber cried as she picked herself up off the ground and ran towards him, only to reach the end of her chain and let out a choking noise as it went taught and pulled her feet out from under her, the Orcs cackling as she landed heavily on her back.

"Amber! Help!" Fíli yelled, trying to turn from his captors grasps. He struggled valiantly before one of the Orcs raised their sword and brought the hilt crashing down onto his head once more, making him crumple as he was knocked half unconscious.

He barely noticed being dragged towards the Orcs campsite where a post had been hammered into the ground and the rest of the Orc pack were crowded around, nor did he hear an Orc hiss "death would be a mercy for you once we're done" as he blacked out.


	9. If This Is To End In Fire

**A/N: ***WARNING! WARNING! TORTURE CHAPTER AHEAD! It's not overly explicit to warrant an M or above but if you're not comfortable with that kinda stuff than you'll just have to hang out for the next chapter to continue reading. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!***  
**

**Well now that's outta the way hello everyone! I've managed to get a few chapters written over the last few days which is awesome as that means due to being back at school (last three months to go! Hooray!) I can still do updates at least once a month without having to try and figure out what to write from the brief descriptions I've given myself, I only have to review them which is sweet! I'm planning on fixing up the first chapter as that was pretty shocking (just the grammar and flow, the content is the same) and possibly a couple of others further down the line so if your told its been edited in your notifications then that's all that's happening.**

**Thank you all for your patience though, I know how frustrating lengthy delays between updates for stories are but I promise to do my best. There's like another 16 chapters to go from this point so I have a lot of writing ahead of me O.o**

**If you want a super angsty Fili fic to read then take a look at the other story I'm posting at the moment "Broken Beyond Repair" it was my first time writing something like this and boy oh boy was it emotionally hard to do!**

**I'm also posting sneak previews of chapters on Tumblr under the same username so have a look :)**

**Special shout out to the new followers/favouriters: Doresz9, lucy62, FrodoBaggins1415 and CrazyFanGirl18, as well as all the other favouriters/ followers, you guys are awesome!**

****As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien****

* * *

A heavy slap had Fíli's head snapping to the left, jerking him awake.

"Ah, so the princess is awake is 'e?" A voice snarled from behind him as something wet was poured over the top of his head.

Fíli's eyes shot open at the cold liquid trickling down his face. He shook his head, trying to keep the foul smelling liquid from his eyes only to succeed in making his head spin from the movement. He swallowed back the bile that had risen from his rapid movement as he was still too lightheaded from the blow he had received earlier. Fíli bowed his head and breathed heavily through his nose, waiting for the sensation to pass before peering up through his eyelashes to assess his surroundings.

The sun had finally set, it was dark and the flames from the fire bathed the area in an orange glow, the trees casting long shadows across the ground. The pack of Orcs that had survived his and Kíli's blades lurked beneath the trees, their teeth gnashing in excitement and growls tearing from their mouths as they eyed the dwarf. Fíli realised with a sinking dread that he was kneeling in front of a wooden post and his hands were bound uncomfortably above his head, his metal bonds attached to the post by a large nail. He shook his wrists in a weak attempt to loosen the nail for he knew even if he were to get free he wouldn't get far, especially if his audience had any say in the matter.

A guttural laugh behind him had Fíli peering through the corners of his eyes, refusing to turn his head to acknowledge the Orc behind him. A swift kick was delivered to his ribs, making Fíli gasp in shock as pain bloomed where the boot had hit.

"You ain't going anywhere dwarf-scum." The Orc hissed as it slowly paced around the kneeling dwarf.

Fíli raised his head enough to see his attacker. It was clear this was the leader of the pack, he was bigger and more mutilated than the others that he could see, his scars giving just a glimpse into the numerous fights he had undoubtedly won. His face was a clash of scars, some were old but many were relatively new. There were cuts across his eyes, nose and mouth, the skin puckering where a claw or blade hadn't cut cleanly through, only serving to make him all the more hideous. His torso and arms were much the same as his face which only confirmed Fíli's fears that not only was this the leader, but he was about to enter a living nightmare, and one he wasn't sure he could come back from.

The leader stopped his pacing briefly to land another kick to his ribs, winding him yet again. _Scarface,_ Fíli decided would be an appropriate name for his captor, especially when the Orc grabbed his hair and yanked his head upwards to leer in his face, the scars pulling tight on his curling lips.

"This one's got spirit boys, let's see 'ow long it takes us to _break_ it." Scarface roared, shoving Fíli's head downwards as he finished speaking.

A muffled shout cut through the cheering and Fíli whipped his head towards the noise, his eyes widening in horror. Amber had been gagged, her hands and feet tied and she was being dragged by her hair towards him. He watched as she squirmed, kicking out at an orc beside her to land a strong blow to its leg, only to have a foot slammed into the side of her face as punishment.

"Stop it!" Fíli snarled, watching as she curled into herself in pain.

"Our princess is feeling protective!" Scarface next to him jeered as he back handed Fíli across the face.

Fíli hissed in pain as his head crashed into the wooden post from the unexpected blow and split the skin above his eye. "Do what you like scum" he spat, glaring defiantly at his captor and ignoring the blood trickling into his eye "but I bet my grandfather could hit harder than you. You hit like a dwarfling." He knew antagonising Scarface was the worst thing he could do, but if Amber was correct then he wasn't getting out of this any time soon. It was something Kíli would do, and with that realisation came a swell of bravery. _He'd try make Kíli proud_.

Scarface snarled at the insult, and with fury etched on his face as he slammed a fist into the side of the dwarfs head.

"Is that all you have?" Fíli taunted the seething Orc, then louder yelled "Perhaps one of your companions should take over as you seem incapable of doing any real damage."

Instead of taking another swing at him like he thought would happen, Scarface laughed, an evil and guttural sound that despite the adrenaline coursing through his body made Fíli shiver in fear.

"What a big mouth our dwarf 'as lads!" Scarface yelled, pulling a knife from his belt to roars of approval. "Perhaps we should teach 'im a lesson." The Orc placed the tip of the blade against the corner of Fíli's mouth. "Maybe I'll cut at the edges, make it painful to talk," he flicked the knife, slicing through the corner and causing the bound dwarf to jerk away. Scarface sneered at the dwarf who was glaring at him. "Nothing to say? Perhaps I should cut out your tongue, then we'll see 'ow well you talk when you're choking on your own blood."

Fíli couldn't help the flash of fear that appeared on his face, terrified at the thought of losing the ability to speak. His heart sped up as Scarface grabbed his chin with his free hand and almost let out a whimper of relief when Amber let out a muffled yell, drawing the Orc's attention briefly.

Scarface jerked his head towards Amber's guards. "Take off 'er muzzle" he drawled, "let's 'ear what the whelp has to say."

Her guard nodded and yanked the cloth tied around her head away. Amber looked at the leader, barely containing her panic for the situation the dwarf had found himself in. "You cannot do that" she insisted, "You cannot cut out his tongue."

Scarface moved towards Amber and grabbed her hair, wrenching her head backwards and brought his face close to hers, his knife trailing across her neck. "And why not?" He asked; a cruel lilt in his voice.

Amber swallowed in disgust as his spit flecked her face. "Because I can heal injuries but I cannot reattach pieces. If you cut out his tongue he is useless to you and I cannot guarantee I could heal him enough to stop him from bleeding to death."

"Cannot, or will not?" Scarface growled.

"Cannot, I swear."

Amber and Scarface stared at each other, and Fíli watched with baited breath hoping she had enough sway over the Orc so that he wouldn't be permanently injured. A sneer left Scarface's lips and he shoved Ambers head away before going back to Fíli, twirling his knife as he did so. He grabbed Fíli's chin with his free hand and brought his knife up.

"NO!" Amber cried before beginning to struggle against her captors as the dwarf let out a muffled cry. She had to get to Fíli; she had to stop this Orc from taking away his tongue for if there was even the slightest chance of them getting free she knew Fíli would never be the same again without it. She'd seen it before.

Scarface turned from Fíli to the Elf who had been subdued once again on the forest floor, holding up a fist to show what he held and Amber let out a shaky sigh of relief. There in the Orc's hand were the braids from Fíli's beard. There was blood covering his cheeks and jaw where the Orc had cut his face removing them, but his tongue was untouched.

"Can't deny our little princess 'is brave words can we lads?" Scarface yelled, and when he got roars and screeches in reply he turned and plunged his knife deep into Fíli's right shoulder. "Doesn't mean you're getting outta this unharmed.' He hissed as Fíli cried out in pain.

Scarface tore the knife from Fíli's shoulder before walking towards a tree, flinging his arms wide open and addressing the gathered orcs. "It's time we 'ad some fun gents! Show these slaves their place!"

Fíli looked at Amber in alarm, only to panic when he saw her looking at the ground with her shoulders slumped. He started struggling against the ropes that were keeping him tied to the post, desperate to get away. He didn't want to know what the Orc had in store for him; he just wanted to be free. Suddenly a stinging pain shot down his back making him gasp in shock before the pain kicked in. Scarface walked into his view, brandishing a whip.

"Is that all you have?" Fíli asked from between clenched teeth, managing to keep his voice steady despite the pain still shooting through his back.

Scarface's lips curled into a twisted grin. "E's right lads!" He shouted, throwing the whip away "Let's give 'im something special! Bring me the shredder!"

Fíli watched with wide eyes as an Orc brought forwards another whip, only this one appeared thicker if the way the Orc was holding it was anything to go by. Scarface grabbed the handle and cracked the whip, Fíli swallowing in fear when he saw why it was so thick. It wasn't just one piece of leather, but many. And the end of every tendril appeared to reflect in the firelight.

He knew immediately it was a whip designed to hurt.

Scarface swung the whip and cracked it several times, relishing the twitches that came from his prisoners. He walked up behind Fíli and grabbed his hair with his free hand, wrenching his head backwards until it was painful. "Not talking much now are you? Let's see 'ow loud I can make scream."

He slammed Fíli's head into the wooden post yet again, dazing him before taking a step backwards and raising the whip, bringing it crashing down upon Fíli's back. The crude pieces of metal that had been embedded into the leather bit into the young dwarf's back, tearing the skin open as the metal tore away. Fíli bit his bottom lip to avoid crying out; never before had he felt a pain like this before. He scrunched his eyes shut, gasping through the shocks that wracked his body and tried to breathe heavily through his nose before a crack rent the air, moments before pain exploded on his back once more.

A slight whimper escaped Fíli's lips but nothing more. He refused to let the brave front he'd put up crumble even though he could feel rivulets of warm blood trickle down his back. The whip was brought down three more times in quick succession, the skin on his back truly torn open and bits of flesh hanging off. Fíli let out a whimper when he felt his teeth bite through his bottom lip from trying to stifle his cries of pain.

"Oh, does our little princess need a break?" Scarface asked with a sneer, grinning when wide blue eyes full of tears looked at him hatefully. "Ok then."

Scarface dropped the whip and pulled his knife from its sheath, placing the tip on Fíli's chest and trailing it down, flicking it often to create small thin cuts. Fíli shook all over, barely able to resist crying out when the blade was brought back to the hollow of his collarbones before being pressed in firmly and dragged down slowly, the skin opening up and blood streaming down behind it.

That was the breaking point for Fíli, he let out a sob, uncaring anymore if he looked weak, he just wanted the pain to stop; he wanted it to be over.

"Stop it! Please!" Fíli heard Amber beg somewhere from the side.

"Isn't our princess 'aving fun?" Scarface asked with a feral grin. "Well in that case…"

Fíli let out a howl of agony as the knife was plunged into his right shoulder once more, only this time it was left there as he gasped for breath.

Scarface turned back to his pack who had worked themselves into a frenzy; every whimper, every drop of blood that had been released had excited them to the point where they were barely holding back from joining in.

"What say you boys? 'ows about we roast us some dwarf?" Scarface roared.

The Orc pack screamed and slammed their fists against their breastplates as Scarface strode over to the fire.

It was very weakly that Fíli clung onto consciousness, his head was stuffy and his eyelids threatened to droop which meant he only had a moment to register the sizzle that rent the air before white hot burning pain erupted on his chest above his heart.

Fíli screamed as the smell of burning flesh filled his nose, not hearing Amber cry his name nor see the leer on Scarface's lips as he pressed the metal rod harder into his chest, and when he couldn't take anymore he surrendered and threw himself at the darkness with open arms.


	10. A Painful Reality

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I apologise for the lengthy gap between updates, as some of you know I took some time to write Broken Beyond Repair (again my apologies for the heartbreak I caused) as well as the fact I've got Uni work to do. BUT! Praise be Mahal I only have 7 weeks to go before I'm finished for good! HOORAY! :D Anyway realised it had been about a month since my last update so I thought I'd treat you all!**

**Plus I'm kindapossiblydefinitely writing a new story atm, it's my first Fili/Kili fic, however there is no smut involved, just a butt load of angst again and this time lots of fluff and cuteness. So I'm planning on posting that on here soonish so keep an eye out :)**

**Special shout out to the new followers/favouriters: Wraven, Anouc, Nicci1234, BonBonFires, kapowa (your username sounds like part of the All Blacks Haka :P) and luvgirl101, as well as all the other followers/favouriters. You guys are awesome!**

**For sneak peaks or just to say hi I'm on Tumblr as well! (under the same username)**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

* * *

_Fíli found himself standing in his bedroom which was dimly lit, a single candle being the only source of light. He drew down the right side of his shirt to look at his shoulder only to discover there was no mark, no pink skin or any other indication that he had just been stabbed. He looked up and realised he was in front of his dresser, his stuffed lion from his childhood sitting on top which he ran gentle fingers over before soft singing in another room drew his attention. Following the noise Fíli stopped and stood in the archway of the living room which was dark save for the glow of the fire and he couldn't help but watch his family with a soft smile. _

_There was his mother, sitting in her chair singing quietly as she knitted something new for her boys, Thorin sitting in his chair in front of the fire, a book in one hand and his pipe in another with a rare peaceful look on his face. And then there was Kíli. Fíli watched his little brother who was a mere five years old sit in front of their mother, listening to her singing with a smile on his face. Kíli looked away from her to smile up at him and used his great big brown eyes to silently beg his older brother to join him on the floor. Fíli crept forwards before settling himself down next to Kíli, and as the pair of them listened to their mother sing Fíli realised she was singing of Erebor and the desire many had to return home. He folded his legs in front of him, content to allow his mother's voice to wash over him when Kíli clambered into Fíli's lap, kneeling on his legs._

_Fíli grinned bemused at his little brother who placed his tiny hands on both of his shoulders and looked him in the eye with one of the most serious expressions Fíli believed he'd ever seen on the younger ones face._

"_You wownt weave me, will you Fee?" Kíli asked quietly as he clung to his brother's shoulders._

_Fíli frowned at his brother in confusion, his mouth opening as he tried to come up with an answer for his five year old brother before Kíli spoke again._

"_You awways come back for Kee, wownt you?" He asked as he wrapped his arms around Fíli's neck and hugged him tightly, digging his pudgy fingers painfully into Fíli's back._

"_Come home Fee."_

"_Come home."_

Fíli woke with a gasp as pain exploded in his back. He forced his eyes open and found he was face down in the dark forest once again. Fíli blinked several times to bring his vision into focus and discovered Amber kneeling next to him as the echo of his brothers voice reverberated through his head.

"Fíli?" Amber asked tiredly, her hands stilling on his back.

Fíli hummed weakly to let her know he was awake as he dragged a hand up towards his face, wincing at the pain that shot through his body as he moved. He managed to get his hand part way to his shoulder before the pain became too intense and Amber placed a bloodied hand gently over his own. Despite his weakened state he managed to shift enough to look at her face and winced at the sight; a large bruise had formed on her cheek and there was a deep gash on her forehead that blood was sluggishly dripping from.

"Sleep Fíli" Amber whispered softly as she brushed a strand of hair from his eyes "You have been through much and your body needs rest. Sleep."

Fíli could already feel his energy draining as she spoke and nodded slightly as his eyes slipped shut once more.

* * *

Kíli began to stir as the early morning breeze blew gently through the windows of the Healing House and caressed his face. He let out a sigh as the wind ruffled his hair gently and opened his eyes as he heard movement close by, blinking slowly to clear the black spots that danced across his vision.

"Ah lad you're awake." Oin said as he came into focus above Kíli who furrowed his brows as he tried to focus on the healer above him.

"Oin?" Kíli asked slowly, his voice rough with sleep "What happened?"

Oin slipped an arm beneath the brunet's shoulders and pulled him upright enough to drink from the cup he had left on the bedside table. "Drink this first lad; then we'll talk."

Kíli raised a shaking hand to grip the glass and with the old healers help managed to drink half before the cup slipped from his fingers. To Kíli's relief Oin caught it easily as he was prepared for the weakness he would undoubtedly suffer from. After Kíli was settled against the pillows Oin took a seat next to him and sighed.

"What happened Oin?" Kíli asked again, now more coherent as he stared the healer in the eye.

"I'm so sorry lad," Oin said softly. "Thorin brought you to me two nights ago after you arrived through the gates on the back of your horse unconscious and barely alive. It took every bit of knowledge that I had to keep you with us. Your Uncle went looking for your brother, but from what I understand there wasn't much left." Oin paused watching with a heavy heart as the young dwarf's eyes misted over and his chin quivered before turning his head away as the tears spilled free, fingers bunching the sheets as he bit down on his lower lip and refusing to make a noise.

Oin let out a sigh before turning to the table next to him to pick up the small pouch that Thorin had left for his nephew.

"Your Uncle found these when they were up there and thought it was only right for you to have them." Oin freed one of Kíli's hands from the blankets and held it gently so it was palm up before tipping the contents into his hand. Kíli refused to look away from the wall but curled his fingers around the cold objects and kept his hand at his side.

"For what it's worth lad, I'm sorry. I really am." Oin said quietly as he gently grasped Kíli's shoulder before leaving the room to inform Dís and Thorin he had woken.

The door shut with a click behind him leaving Kíli alone in the room. The young dwarf stared resolutely at the wall, inhaling deeply as he tried to will away his tears. Oin was wrong, Thorin was wrong; Fíli was not dead and he refused to believe it.

But he couldn't deny the coldness that rested in his palms. Closing his eyes and taking in a shaky breath Kíli turned his head and looked down his chest as he brought his hand up, looking at it for several moments before opening it slowly.

A sob tore from him before he clapped his free hand across his mouth as he looked at his the glistening objects in his palm. His brother's beads, the ones he'd forged for him years ago as a birthday present rested there, glistening dimly from years of use in the sunlight and highlighting the darker areas where drops of blood had been missed.

Kíli closed his fingers around the beads and clasped his hands on top of one another, bringing them to his lips as he cried for his brother, unwilling to stop the tears that streamed down his face.

"Fíli…" He sobbed heartbrokenly, his wails echoing through the small room.

He couldn't bear the thought of being without his big brother; the only one he trusted completely with his life was gone. Never again would he hear his brother laugh at some silly prank the pair had pulled or a joke Kíli had told. Never again would he feel the warmth of his brothers arms as he comforted him after being teased about his looks, or when they supported each other on their way back from the tavern after one too many pints. Never would he have the chance to show off his brother to his own children, making sure they knew how incredible, kind and caring their golden haired Uncle was. Never would he get to see him grow up, marry and be the greatest King Erebor had ever seen when Thorin stood down. But most importantly he would never get to hear his brothers laugh again, or see his smile as they knocked foreheads gently when Fíli told him how proud he was of his little brother, and how he would never stop loving him.

Kíli cried harder when his mind took him back to the campsite and forced him to watch helplessly as Fíli sacrificed himself to save him. And as the Orcs and Wargs overpowered his brother Kíli couldn't help but feel as though he'd lost a part of himself; a part that no matter how long he lived time could never heal.

The door opened catching his attention and when he saw his mother and Uncle enter slowly he let out a whimper before turning over, ignoring the pain in his stomach and putting his back to them as he pulled his hands to his chest, hugging himself and the beads tightly.

"Oh Kíli…" Dís said softly, hurrying forwards to try and comfort her youngest son. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, only to pull back slightly when he flinched away as another sob tore free. Dís looked helplessly at her brother who was standing off to the side, sorrow clear on his face for the pain his nephew was suffering.

"Kíli…" Thorin whispered sadly as Dís began to run her fingers through the brunets tangled hair. He stepped forwards and scratched softly at Kíli's head in a soothing motion.

"I am so sorry Kíli. I would give anything to take your pain away." Thorin said quietly, saddened by the silent sobs that shook the body beneath his hand. "Your brother was one of the bravest dwarves I have ever met. Losing him -"

"STOP!" Kíli screamed, whipping himself around and up to glare at his Uncle and mother who took a step backwards in surprise.

"STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT! HE'S NOT DEAD!"

"Kíli I'm sorry but he's gone!" Dís pleaded tearfully with her son "Thorin found nothing there! I wish it weren't so but it is!"

"Your brother would not want you-" Thorin started in an attempt to bring some calm to his hysterical nephew.

"Get. Out."

"Kíli-"

"I said GET OUT!" Kíli screamed, grabbing the half full cup off the table with his empty hand and throwing it at both dwarves. "You know NOTHING! NOTHING about what Fíli wanted! He promised he wouldn't leave me!" He sobbed, flipping himself over and screamed into his pillow.

Thorin quickly pulled Dís from the room, shutting the door behind them and holding her tight as she broke down, both from the stress of the past two days catching up with her and hearing her son scream brokenly in his room.

Despite trying to put on a brave face Thorin was unable to stop the tears from flowing, nor the sob that escaped his lips at the look of pure pain that was on his nephews face. Thorin buried his face in his sisters' hair as he clutched her to him; they had both lost Frerin many years ago yet the pain they both felt was as though it had only happened yesterday; so trying to fathom what the youngest of them was feeling was impossible.

Both knew how hard it was to understand that someone you loved would never walk through the door again, or tell you things would be alright when all else seemed hopeless. They had had each other when Frerin had died, but Kíli, their precious Kíli didn't have another sibling to lean on.

They would provide the support Kíli would so desperately need to get through this.

They would never let him feel alone.


	11. A Memorable Lesson

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Update? Yes my lovely people theres an update for you! realised it's been just over a month so I need to get on of my previously written chapters to you. I'm starting to write chapter 14 at the moment, its a rather emotional one, at least I hope it will be for you all :) In all honesty I'm not sure if anyone is reading this anymore, I hope so, and don't worry I won't be abandoning it as I hate reading abandoned stories, and my followers on Fanfiction still seem to be enjoying it so I have to keep writing for them, and Cybersuzy whose been reviewing :P Thanks my dear! :D**

**OH MY GOD! Hobbit is released in less than a month here in New Zealand! It's so exciting for me because I only have two weeks of uni left and my very last exam on my very last day is the same night as the midnight screening! So screw getting drunk with all my classmates, I know where my priorities lie, and besides we have a leavers dinner the next night so I can go out then before I fly home for a couple of days. So my plan is, as soon as my last exam is over watch AUJ EE and DOS EE before the midnight screening. Sound good? HELLZ YEAH! :D sorry fangirl moment over now :D  
**

**Also for those who don't know I'm also on Tumblr under the same username, so check it out for spoilers or mentions of new stories :D**

*****WARNING!*** There are descriptions of torture in here so if it's not for you you'll have to wait until the next update I'm afraid :/**

**Also a special welcome to the new followers/favouriters: TBirdExperience, Ninim1978, Rae01, gioiagirl216 and Karebear119**

****As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien.****

* * *

Fíli wasn't sure how many days had passed since he had been tortured; in fact the only indication that any time had passed at all was due to his hunger and thirst and the rare occasions when they were awake as they were always somewhere different.

It was only when some Orcs passed by the area he and Amber were chained that he learnt that it had been two days since his torture. Fíli felt his heart drop at the revelation; two days and many leagues further between him and his family. The reality of his situation began to sink in despite the small hope he'd held; the fact that he was truly at the mercy of the Orcs and the chance of finding help, no matter how small, was shrinking by the day.

They had both woken in the early evening, scraps of food and their closeness the only source of comfort to be found. As the sun began to sink below the trees Fíli could see Amber getting increasingly wary; shooting glances around the clearing and shifting constantly as though she was restless. Fíli moved closer to her, placing a hand on her shoulder and was about to ask if she was ok when the snapping of twigs under boots drew their attention.

"Well well, it appears our princess survived 'is lesson." Scarface drawled as he observed them. Fíli repressed a shudder as the Orc moved towards them, the tree at his back offering little comfort instead making him feel like a cornered animal. As though she sensed his fear Amber shifted so that Fíli was behind her, glaring at the Orc all the while.

"You had your fun with him," Amber growled "now leave him be."

Scarface sneered at her and moved forward. Fíli felt Amber tense as the Orc grabbed her hair roughly and yanked her head back to draw his knife and run the blade over her cheek. He shifted; wanting nothing more than to get the blade away from her and drive it through the Orcs chest but stayed still as he didn't want to risk further harm to her.

"Oh but we ain't finished with 'im yet whelp. I got plenty planned for our princess, e'll be begging for death soon enough." The Orc cocked his head in thought. "But you know, perhaps we'll teach 'im a lesson tonight, something 'e ain't likely to forget."

Scarface shouted in black speech and a group of Orcs hurried forward, surrounding the pair who struggled against their bonds and the hands that scratched and pulled until they were lying flat on the ground, boots pressed into their backs as their arms were secured behind them. Satisfied they wouldn't get free Scarface shouted orders at the Orcs and moved back to the campsite, the Orcs following close behind and dragging Fíli and Amber by the hair into their midst.

As they were dragged closer Fíli's eyes fell on the post that had been erected near the camp fire and he swallowed, flash backs of the previous torture flooding his mind. He didn't want to feel pain like that again but knew that as long as he was here it would happen again, and many times over. To his relief the Orcs holding him changed direction and he was dragged away to the side, only to realise in horror that the Orcs dragging Amber were making their way to the centre post instead.

"No! No let her go! Amber!" Fíli cried out, his boots scuffing the dirt as he struggled hopelessly against his captors before they chained him with his back to the post and was forced to face the middle of the quickly forming circle.

Amber locked wide eyes with him briefly before she disappeared beneath the Orcs who eventually withdrew when she was secured to the post, her hands above her head and positioned so she was forced to face him.

Amber flashed him a brief, weary smile before lowering her head in defeat. The moment they had been separated she knew what had been planned, after all what better way to teach a lesson than to show the torture of another? She calmed herself, taking deep breaths in and out as she clung to the fact that whatever the Orc had planned would be over soon enough and prayed that Fíli would be left alone once they were done.

The sizzling of heated iron near her head made her flinch,

And so it began.

* * *

Fíli wished more than anything that he could block out what was happening in front of him, that he could close his eyes to the tears on Ambers face or the blood that was staining her clothing; but he could not.

Every time he turned his head away or closed his eyes a fist would connect heavily with his jaw, or a boot was slammed into his stomach, or a hand would squeeze his throat. He was forced to watch Scarface torture her worse than what had been done to him what felt like a life time ago; he was forced to hear her agonised screams as the skin was whipped off her back and marks branded into her skin before a crude looking liquid was poured onto them making her writhe even more, he was forced to witness when after what felt like days it all became too much for her and her body crumpled forwards, her shoulder popping out of place from the angle she collapsed.

Fíli swallowed back the fury and bile he felt rise when he watched Scarface yank her head back harshly and lick up the blood that had trickled down her cheeks from her temple. The Orc smacked his lips together and leered over at him before shoving Ambers head into the post, smirking at the new gash that opened up above her eye.

"Well boys," Scarface called to his excited crowd "do you think our little princess 'as learned 'is lesson?" He looked at the guards surrounding the dwarf and jerked his head. They nodded and untied Fíli, dragging him by his hair towards the post in the centre of the circle.

Fíli struggled and kicked out at his captors, desperate to shake them off but no matter how hard he tried he knew it was futile. He thought he'd be sick when he saw exactly how much damage had been done to Amber when he was brought over, ignoring the Orcs tying him to the post in order to watch her for any sign of movement.

But there was none.

Once he'd been secured the Orcs dragged Ambers' unconscious form away from the clearing, and Fíli barely had time to see them toss her carelessly onto the ground before Scarface filled his vision once more.

"You thought you'd be getting off easy tonight, didn't you princess?" He asked, trailing his blade across Fíli's cheek in a mock caress. "Well I 'ate to disappoint you, but you ain't going anywhere."

Fíli closed his eyes and, refusing to flinch at the whip being cracked behind him whispered a prayer to Mahal to get him through the night.

He was going to need it.

* * *

Fíli let out a soft groan and opened his eyes, his eyelids fluttering at the soft light peeking through the trees. He frowned momentarily and tilted his head before understanding washed over him when he realised he was staring up at the sky, not at the ground as he always seemed to do. He wasn't sure what woke him, whether it was the rustling of the breeze through the trees or the light on his face, or even the slight warmth that seemed to be radiating from his arm.

He turned his head to the side and laid eyes on the elf. Amber was sprawled out on her front, her head turned away from him and her arm was stretched out towards him. He looked down and discovered the source of the heat was her fingertip, barely grazing his arm as the warmth which could only be her healing ability flowed through him, and Fíli realised with a sickening clarity it was the only thing that had kept him alive.

Despite her own injuries, despite the fact that she herself was near death she had forced herself to wake and move close enough so that she could heal him. As the edges of his vision began to dim once again, Fíli dragged his hand up towards Ambers, linking their fingers as he lost his grip on consciousness once more.


	12. Memories Can Sometimes Be Painful

**A/N: Hello everyone! So! I finished Uni for good a week ago, in fact the same day that we had the Hobbit release here in NZ, so what did I do? Had my last exam, went out to lunch with my class, jumped off a wharf into the glacial fed water of Lake Wakatipu as per tradition in our uniforms (the school operates as a business hence the uniforms) drove home, sat down and watched both An Unexpected Journey and Desolation of Smaug (extended editions) before having dinner and heading to the cinema for the midnight screening. I've seen it 3 times all up so I guess you can get an idea of what I thought of it. The last two times I watched it is because my siblings work for the cinemas back home so I got to watch it cheap so why wouldn't I? Plus I saw the first two seven times all up at the cinemas so have to keep with tradition. There were things that could have been changed or left out but overall I loved it :P**

**Anyway, excitement over for now, just a note for this: don't forget that Kili has been going through the five stages of grief - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Not necessarily in that order and a couple may be missed or skimmed over but this is the theme for the story just incase you didn't know :)**

**Now that I'm no longer at school I have more time to focus on my stories, just completed chapter 14 yesterday and am on my way to writing 15. 14 was the hardest to write and you'll see why soon but now that it's done hopefully the others wont take as long.**

**A special shout out to the new followers/favouriters: Greensmilodon, AnnaBanana90 and cookymonster94, as well as everyone else who is following and commenting, you guys are amazing!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien.**

* * *

It had been five days since Kíli had been brought to the Healing House and Oin had finally given him permission to go outside for the first time. Despite many threats and broken cups Oin had told him that he wouldn't be allowed out or able to return home until his stitches had been removed, after all he was still healing and one wrong move could reopen any of his injuries; something Oin, Thorin and Dís would not risk.

Since being told he was confined to his bed Kíli had fallen silent, refusing to talk to anyone who visited him, not even his mother or Uncle. Night time was the only time he would speak, screaming out for Fíli when he was caught in yet another nightmare and crying himself to sleep when it finished. Seeing the damage being trapped in the room was doing to Kíli, on top of having to deal with the fact he had lost his brother Oin decided that being outside for a short amount of time might do the once smiling brunet some good, that it might bring some life to the hollow eyes that watched him whenever he was in the room.

With the assistance of a healer Kíli took his first steps outside in what felt like an age. He turned his face up towards the sun, revelling in the warmth that touched his skin and took a deep breath feeling as though the suffocating wave of grief had lessened slightly.

Looking around Kíli spotted a bench underneath the shade of a large apple tree and made his way over slowly, the healer hovering behind him as though afraid he'd collapse at any second.

"Please leave me," Kíli asked her quietly. "I'll be fine; I only intend to sit here."

The young healer looked at him hesitantly before finally nodding and making her way back inside. Relieved to be alone Kíli made his way over to seat and sat down, lying the crutches he'd been more or less ordered to use on the ground next to him. He looked around the garden with a small frown; something was missing but he couldn't figure out what it was.

It was a large garden he was in, lots of trees and flower beds containing herbs and other plants used by the healers, a small brook bubbled away quietly, dissecting the garden enough that a small bridge had been built to save patients and healers from having to go around, and birds flitted from the many bird nests and houses around the yard, their songs giving the area a peaceful feel. It hit Kíli then, what was missing in the garden.

Noise.

Every time Kíli had been injured or sick he had never been surrounded by the quiet, instead he had always had Fíli's enthusiastic chatter surrounding him. Kíli felt his lip tremble when he realised that this was the first time he had ever been alone when injured, that his brothers cheerful banter and roaring laughs wouldn't disrupt the peace and infuriate the healers as they always did whenever they were both there.

He blinked rapidly, willing away the tears that were quickly forming as he looked around the garden trying to find something mundane to distract him from thoughts of his brother. His gaze was drawn past the low fence that surrounded the Healing House towards the large Oak tree that towered proudly over the square.

"_Kee? Kee where are you? Come on Kíli it's just me."_

"_M'here Fee." Kíli's soft voice floated on the air._

_Fíli peered up into the tree and was able to just make out his brothers form behind some of the branches._

"_Oh Kee," Fíli said sadly "I'm sorry I didn't get here fast enough. What were they saying this time?"_

"_Doesn't matter" Kíli's muffled voice floated down._

"_It matters to me," Fíli said as he hauled himself up onto a low branch, climbing steadily as he spoke. "They're just jealous that someone younger than –ouch- them is better at the bow then they are."_

_Eventually Fíli reached the branch Kíli was sitting on and sat next to his brother, wrapping a tight arm around the brunet and wiping away his tears with the other._

"_You're my little brother Kee, when someone hurts you it will always matter to me." He said softly._

"_They – they called me an Elf spawn." Kíli sobbed as he turned his head away from his brother._

_Fíli relinquished his hold on Kíli momentarily so he could swing his leg over the branch and straddle it before pulling his brother to his chest. "They're wrong Kee," he whispered into the brunet's hair. "You're no Elf spawn; you're the best archer this side of the Misty Mountains. Who was it who caught the most game last winter despite the cold when Ered Luin was starving? Who managed to pick off an entire pack of Orcs single handed before the rest of his patrol even realised the Orcs were there? And who always shoots down the fruit from the highest branches of the trees and gifts them to all the little lasses, both dwarrow and human and wins over all their hearts?"_

_Fíli waited until Kíli looked at him, a faint blush rising on his cheeks._

"_You, Kíli. Every time you hit your target, every time you show those humans whose better I'm right there with you and do you know what I think each time?" _

_Kíli shook his head, his blush turning his cheeks a fiery red under all the praise._

"_That I could never be more proud of you." Fíli said quietly, placing a kiss on his brother's brow. "You are the hero of many people here Kíli, including mine. Don't let what those trolls say get you down, you mean more to people here than what they ever will."_

_Kíli heaved a sigh before punching his brother in the shoulder. "Are you sure you're not old Fee?" He asked with a watery laugh "You sound like Uncle."_

_Fíli rolled his eyes before cuffing Kíli lightly over the head. "Come on, it's almost lunch time and Mama will have our hides if we're late." Fíli pulled himself up and made his way to the other side of the tree. _

"_You're as heavy as a boulder Kee; I wouldn't want to tempt fate and have her throw us out of the tree." Fíli said with a grin at his brother's confused look._

_Kíli rolled his eyes and started climbing down, Fíli copying his movements on the other side. They were half way down when a branch Fíli was standing on made an ominous creak before giving way beneath his feet completely._

"_Fee!" Kíli cried in horror, watching as his brother tumbled down through the branches, unable to grab a hold of anything to stop himself._

_Fíli went limp when his head collided with a large branch just before toppling to the ground, a resounding snap being heard the moment he landed. Silence filled the square as everyone froze in shock._

"_FEE!" Kíli screamed at his brother's motionless form before hurrying his way down the tree as fast as he dared._

_Thorin had just stepped outside the forge for a break and was packing his pipe when he heard Kíli scream. He dropped his pipe and sprinted in the direction of the noise, only caring about getting to his nephews as fast as possible._

"_Move!" He roared as he shoved his way through the small crowd that had gathered. In the centre Kíli was hovering over his brother who was sprawled out on the ground, blood beginning to trickle from a large welt on his forehead._

"_Kíli," Thorin said softly as he crouched down next to the pair "its ok, a healer's on the way." He turned his attention to his unconscious nephew, tapping Fíli's_ _face lightly to try and elicit a response. Moments later Oin crouched down next to the three of them, Dwalin having followed Thorin after seeing him race from the forge moved the crowd along._

"_Hmm," Oin said as he picked up Fíli's left arm gently "it appears the lad may have broken his wrist given the angle it's on." And indeed it was on an angle and Kíli was suddenly grateful his brother was unconscious so as to not feel the pain. "Let's get him inside so I can fix him up."_

_As Thorin scooped up the blond Fíli began to stir. "Kee?" He slurred, eyes only opening part way._

"_Hey Fee, you're ok." Kíli said softly, keeping as close to his brothers head as possible._

"_Hurts," Fíli whimpered, blue eyes finally locking with brown._

"_I know Fee I know, but Oin will have you fixed up in no time." Kíli said quietly, following his Uncle as Thorin place Fíli down on a bed in the Healing House. He took a seat on his brother's bed and held his uninjured hand in his own. "I'm so sorry Fíli," he said. "This is all my fault, you're hurt because of me."_

_Fíli let out a grunt and shook his head, only to stop quickly when he thought he would be sick. "S'not your fault Kee," he mumbled._

"_You were up that tree comforting me Fíli; you wouldn't have been hurt if I hadn't been up there."_

_Fíli fixed his brother with a weak glare "And I would be up there a hundred times over if I had too to look after you. You're m'brother Kee, I'll always be there and I'll always protect you…"_

Kíli shook his head angrily in order to rid himself of the memory, breathing heavily through his nose as he tried to control his temper.

"You're a liar Fíli" He growled. "You're a liar!"

"You lied to me you worthless scum!" He screamed, hurling his crutch away from him, uncaring when it frightened off a flock of birds. "You said you'd always be there for me, but you're not! I need you here and where are you you worthless traitor! I hope it hurt! I hope you felt every one of those blades as they cut into your worthless body! I hope -"

Kíli gasped, his hand flying up to his mouth utterly horrified at what he had just said.

"Kíli?" His mother's wavering voice asked quietly from her place at the back door to the house. Kíli fixed his wild eyes on his mother and watched as she approached slowly with her hands raised.

"I didn't mean it," Kíli whimpered, tears flowing down his face. "Mama I-I didn't m-mean it. I d-don't h-hate him!"

Dís hurried over and fell to her knees in front of her son, throwing her arms around his shoulders as he buried his face in her neck and cried. "It's ok, its ok my sweet I know you don't hate him." She soothed, rocking her son gently as he sobbed. "Shh Ghivashith, shh." She ran a hand over the brunet locks, never loosening her hold as she let him cry.

"I j-just m-miss him so m-much! I j-just w-want him b-back." Kíli sobbed; his breath hitching rapidly as he tried to stop crying.

"I know Nûlukhel I know." Dís murmured soothingly, pressing a lingering kiss to her sons' temple.

"Please bring him back." Kíli whispered into her neck.

Dís sighed quietly, squeezing her eyes shut against the pain in her heart.

"We'll get through this my love, together as a family. You're not alone."

* * *

Nûlukhel – moon of all moons

Ghivashith – treasure that is young


	13. News On Both Sides

**A/N: Hello everyone! So I had my last day at Uni around a week ago and I am now working in my new job which I got at the last minute, I'm so stoked as I was beginning to worry I wouldn't be able to get one before Christmas and as much as I'd prefer to be at home for Christmas day I also need to work if I want to survive. But I did go home for four days and got most of my Christmas presents early, including my new graphics tablet! I'm super excited about it because I can now hopefully begin to draw again, practise and practise and eventually illustrate some of my stories.**

**Funny story about this chapter, I actually thought I'd already released it and spent a good portion of yesterday doing chapter 14 which is an emotional one (for Kili anyway) only to find I'm actually a chapter behind. So have this one and I'll give you the new one tomorrow, possibly. I'll need to get cracking on chapter 15 if I want to do that :D**

**Also, BOFA has been out for a just over a week here in NZ and I've already seen it 4 times, the midnight screening where everyone applauded, twice when I went home as my siblings work at the movies and get cheap tickets so had to take advantage of that, especially for HFR and once again when I came back and went out the day before I started my new job as a congratulations to myself lol. And the soundtrack is amazing, I've got it on repeat atm whilst I write :P**

**Special shout out to the new followers/favouriters: Toomanyobsessionstocount, DaydreamingDuma, kyzalon, Kootenay, DmglsError and LonelyEscapeArtist as well as all the current followers and favouriters, you guys are awesome.**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! xx**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien.**

* * *

A week had passed since Fíli had died before Kíli got his first visitor that wasn't family. He'd been sitting at the base of one of the trees in the gardens when Ori appeared next to him with a small smile.

"Hey Kíli," Ori said quietly, "mind if I join you?"

Kíli blinked several times at his friends sudden appearance before shaking his head to chase away the thoughts that had been lingering there not a moment before.

"Sure Ori," he said with a small smile, patting the ground next to him "it's good to see a new face around here."

Ori chuckled as he sat down next to his friend, mimicking Kíli by stretching his legs out in front of him and placing his book on the ground.

"I saw your Amad as I was heading to Balin's; she's the one who suggested you might be in need of a friend. I would have visited sooner but thought privacy and space would be something you'd be wanting for a while."

Kíli looked at his friend who was staring out across the garden with a calm expression on his face. At first he was slightly hurt to learn that Ori had only come at his mother's suggestion, but as Ori spoke he couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude towards the red head. Instead of crowding him and pushing his presence on him like many of the Healers had done in the first few days of him being there Ori had given Kíli space to work through his emotions and come to terms with what had happened on his own; without any pressure.

"Thanks Ori," he murmured quietly.

Ori gave him an understanding smile before looking back out at the garden once more. They sat together quietly for a while, just enjoying the sounds of the brook bubbling nearby and the songs of the birds that flitted from tree to tree, all the while soaking up the warmth from the sun, warmth that Kíli never thought he'd feel again after his own sun had died.

"How are you?" Ori asked quietly, his attention still fixed across the yard so as not to put any pressure on the dwarf next to him.

Kíli picked a daisy from the grass next to him and twirled it between his fingers, looking at it sadly.

"I miss him," he said finally "I woke up this morning and went to ask him if we could go to the lake before remembering that he -" Kíli broke off his sentence, choosing instead to pluck several of the white petals he still held gently between his fingers. He heaved a sigh before continuing on.

"I just - I don't know what to do Ori." He said quietly, gazing down at the flower as though it held all the answers. "I've never lived without him and now what? I'm supposed to carry on with my life, knowing I'll never get to hear him laugh or talk or see him smile again?" he asked as his voice hitched slightly.

"Yes," Ori said firmly as he looked his friend in the eye. "Yes Kíli you are supposed to carry on with your life. You were Fíli's world; everything he did he did for you. Every Orc he killed, every sword he made, every coin he earned he did so to make sure that you would have the best life that you possibly could. I know I have Dori and Nori but every time I saw you two running around or laughing together I couldn't help but feel slightly envious that I wasn't as close with my brothers as what you two were."

Ori wrapped an arm around Kíli's shoulder and squeezed gently at the sadness on the younger ones face. "Fíli was my friend just as much as you are, and I know more than anything that he would be furious if you tried to do something stupid to join him."

"I told him I wouldn't," Kíli said quietly, tipping his hand and letting the now shredded flower slip off his palm.

Ori frowned at him in confusion. "What do you mean?" He asked.

Kíli swallowed thickly, "the night that we- he," he exhaled loudly, unable to say the word "I was braiding his hair and he told me that his duties would be changing even more, that he'd be travelling more often and that there was a – a chance that one day he might not come back." He looked up at the sky, willing away the tears that threatened to fall.

"He made me promise him, he made me promise that if anything happened to him then I would stay alive, for him, that I wouldn't try and follow him even though that's all I want to do right now just so I can hug him, just one last time."

Kíli looked at Ori with a single tear falling down his cheek. "What do I do?" He asked brokenly, his voice no more than a whisper.

"You live for him" Ori said gently as he placed a hand on Kíli's shoulder. "You lead a long life full of laughter and love in his name. You become a fair and just leader in his stead, you marry and have children who know about the Uncle they will never get to meet but will never forget because they know he's watching over you all. You grow old surrounded by your wife and children and grandchildren and when it's your time to go to the Halls of Waiting you will go with his name on your lips and he will be there to greet you with open arms telling you how proud he is of you, and he will never leave your side again."

Kíli closed his eyes at the tears that fell down his face, going willingly into the hug Ori pulled him into. They stayed like that for a long time, Ori providing comfort to his friend and only pulled away when a twig snapped nearby.

They both looked up to find Thorin looking down at them with a sad smile on his face before he came closer and sat down on Kíli's free side, allowing his nephew to bury his face into his chest the moment he was seated.

Thorin placed a gentle hand on Kíli's head, holding him there whilst his other hand rubbed his back soothingly. "This probably isn't the time to bring this up but you needed to be told," Thorin murmured as he rested his head on top of Kíli's "Fíli's funeral has been arranged."

Kíli pulled away at looked at Thorin with wide eyes, his heart clenching painfully. "What do you mean? When?"

Thorin sighed, brushing a loose strand of hair back from Kíli's face. "Even though there's nothing left your brother deserves a burial, and it's only fair that our people, our family and more importantly you have the chance to say goodbye." He placed a gentle hand on his nephew's cheek, his thumb stroking across the stubble gently. "Everything has already been arranged for tomorrow night."

Kíli slumped back against the tree, his gaze unfocused as he mulled his Uncle's words over in his mind. After everything that had happened over the last few days even the thought of giving his brother a proper farewell had vanished, too caught up was he in his grief to even consider that act of finality. And here Thorin sat reminding him of the last act needed to farewell a loved one to grant their soul access to the Halls of their forefathers. He didn't want to do it, he didn't want a funeral because it meant that he had to say goodbye, that what had happened was real and that he was expected to move on despite the emptiness in his heart.

Yet who was he to deny his beloved brother access to the Halls of Waiting? Who was he to be so selfish in the desire to hold off saying goodbye when his brothers spirit would be forced to linger before being granted the access all warriors deserved?

"Kíli?"

Thorin's quiet voice cut through his musings and he turned tear filled eyes on his Uncle.

"I understand this is hard," Thorin said softly "but we need the closure, you need it. And his spirit needs to be set free to join our ancestors."

"I know," Kíli whispered back as he leaned into his Uncles side, welcoming the embrace Thorin wrapped him in.

"I know."

* * *

It was a rare thing, being awake during the day. The Orcs had decided to stay where they were for the time being before moving on sometime tomorrow but whether that was because of the fact that they had gotten a bit too carried away with the torture the night before or had decided haste was not necessary at that point in time Fíli did not know.

He sat with his back against the tree as he looked down at Amber who lay next to him, dabbing a cloth over a particularly deep wound on her cheek. The pair of them had lost a fair amount of blood the night before after several of the Orcs got too frustrated at being denied the opportunity once again to torture the prisoners themselves and attacked the pair of them whilst Scarface had his back turned.

Neither had been able to escape as the fighting broke out and on top of the torture they had already gone through they found themselves trampled on and attacked as the two groups fought. When the last rebelling Orc had been choked to death by Scarface as a lesson to the others he and Amber had been tossed back to their corner of the camp after making sure Ambers hand was on his arm. He had been quite certain he was going to die that night and welcomed the infinite darkness with open arms yet once more Ambers healing abilities brought him back, and to their surprise a reprieve had been brought as well.

Fíli was jolted back from his thoughts as Amber hissed a breath when he pressed too harshly on one edge of the cut.

"Sorry," he murmured as he pulled the cloth away. "It appears to be as clean as I can get it." He pressed the back of his hand against her forehead when he saw how pale she had become.

"Are you ok?"

Ambers eyelids fluttered open and with a jolt of concern Fíli noticed how glazed her eyes looked, her breathing heavy as she tried to focus on his face.

"Amber? What's the matter?" He whispered, plunging a clean cloth in the bowl of cold water before placing it across her forehead. The coolness of the water seemed to help somewhat as she blinked several times before her gaze locked with his.

"A slight fever my friend, I believe I overtaxed my body healing us after what they did to us last night." Her hoarse voice a welcome relief to the silence he had been sitting in for some time.

"Is there anything you need?" He asked, his hands shooting out to steady her as she tried to sit up.

"Water," Amber murmured as she collapsed against the tree, "and rest. That is all that we can do for now."

She accepted the bowl of fresh water Fíli fetched for her and let out a sigh of relief as the first drops of the chilled liquid hit the back of her throat. After finishing two bowlfuls she waited for Fíli to take his own drink before speaking once again.

"How long was I unconscious for?" She asked as she peered around the small clearing they were in, "and have we not moved from last night's campfire?"

"How long we've been out for I'm not sure," Fíli said quietly as he offered her a wet piece of cloth to lay on her forehead. "I was probably only awake about an hour before you. As for where we are, yes we are in the same spot; I checked the tree you marked before they dragged us out yesterday, it's there." Fíli said with a small nod to the grass that hid her blue mark.

Amber nodded before resting her head against the trunk of the tree, letting the chill of the cloth attempt to lower fever that currently ravaged her body. "I am sorry, Fíli" she said eventually.

He looked at her with a frown unsure if he had missed an entire conversation that prompted her to apologise to him.

"Whatever are you sorry for?"

"Every day we travel the further we get from your home," she said quietly. "It is a fate worse than death knowing your loved ones believe you gone yet you are stuck in this living nightmare."

Fíli reached over and grasped a bruised hand gently in his own. "Thank you," he said softly "but it is a fate I am coming to terms with. Having you here makes it easier, and if I die at least I know I had someone I can call friend with me. I know now there is no escape, it was foolish to think otherwise."

Amber bit her lip nervously as she looked at him from the corner of her eye. "Fíli," she said hesitantly "there might be a way to escape."

"What?!" Fíli hissed as he moved so he knelt in front of her. "What do you mean you might know how to escape? You told me we were trapped!"

"That is because I believed we were!" Amber insisted, "however the thought came to me two nights ago and it, well it is not something I would have ever thought of but the more I have thought on it the stronger the possibility it can work."

"Well what are you waiting for?" Fíli asked in bewilderment. "Get us out of here!"

Amber let out a sigh and fixed pain filled eyes on him. "I want to get out of here as much as you do, but you must understand the plan I have in mind requires a large amount of power and energy, two things I am severely lacking in at present as I have been healing our wounds consistently and getting no chance to recover. It will take time to build up the power I need, as well as making some sacrifices but I believe it can be done."

"What kind of sacrifices?" Fíli asked curiously.

"When we are injured I heal the both of us as much as possible, but in order to reserve some of my energy only the most serious of wounds can be healed. Everything else we will just have to deal with, but that in turn means your energy will be lower, you will feel weaker as your body has to heal itself.

Fíli gripped her shoulders and looked her in the eye. "I don't care what it takes," he said firmly "do whatever you have too to get us out of here."

"Alright," Amber breathed in reply before her attention snapped to somewhere over his shoulder.

"Well well, look who's finally decided to wake up." Scarface sneered as he took in the pair of them, the guards flanking him cackling at their nervous faces.

"Let the others know breaks over," the Orc ordered one of his pack "we're moving out." He snarled at the other orcs as he walked off, "get 'em ready."

Amber and Fíli drew back against the tree as a group of Orcs surged forwards, eventually smashing the prisoners over the head when they struggled too much, and after they had both slumped to the ground unconscious gags were shoved into their mouths before they were dragged off towards the Wargs once more.


	14. Into Eternity

**A/N: Hello everyone! So! The long awaited chapter! This has been the bane of my existence for the last few months as I've been purposefully avoiding it, but the time came to complete it and get it to you and praise Mahal I did! It came out better than what I thought it would. **

**So, there are two audio tracks for this chapter, the first is Lily's Theme from Deathly Hallows part two, this plays twice in the first section, and the second is Into Eternity from Thor 2. A couple of important parts of the Into Eternity song match up with certain happenings in the story; 2:10 is when Kili shoots the arrow, and 2:48 is where he falls to his knees. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense and you don't have to listen to the tracks but they are what inspired the way I wrote this chapter. **

**I'm hoping to give my new graphics tablet a whirl and illustrate this chapter, not sure if I'm brave enough to do so but if I do publish anything I'll let you all know where to find it :D**

**Special shout out to the new followers/favouriters: PeriAce, BrightFeatherNYSI and Kuramalover86 (whose name I accidentally read as Kumara lover, Kumaras are sweet potatoes in NZ so I giggled a bit before realising that's not what it said so I do apologise my dear), as well as all the current followers/favouriters, you guys are awesome!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

* * *

The glow from the fading embers in the fireplace was the only source of light in Kíli's room, the dying flames barely affecting the shadows strewn across his sombre face. He stood in front of a full length mirror and gazed unseeingly into it as he secured the last tie on his tunic before his hands fell away from the soft leather and all he could do was stand there as thoughts of his brother ran rampant in his mind.

He watched his reflection without emotion, his eyes blinking slowly as though they themselves were weighed down with the knowledge of what was to come as he stood there motionlessly for what felt like a lifetime. A creak of hinges had his eyes flicking to the side in the mirror, watching over his shoulder as his mother walked into the room silently. They stood there looking at each other through the glass for several moments before Dís walked forwards, tenderly picking up Kíli's hair clasp from its place on the dresser before moving behind her son, gently gathering his hair and pinning it at the back in his usual style.

Kíli watched his mother as his hair was pulled into some semblance of order, noting that her fingers lingered just a moment longer on his clasp as though drawing some unseen strength from it. He turned to face her, closing his eyes briefly as her hands came up to cup his face, her thumbs stroking the dark shadows under his eyes from lack of sleep and crying silently into his pillow all night as he clutched his brothers stuffed lion to his chest.

She pulled his face towards her, placing a soft but lingering kiss to his brow before tapping their foreheads together lightly and allowing her son to lean into her for comfort and strength. She would have taken standing there for eternity over what was about to come, but the soft footfalls of boots on stones by the door had her pulling away and the pair of them facing Thorin, dressed in coal black furs and leather, his mourning outfit that had been used one time too many in his lifetime.

Thorin locked eyes with his sister and nephew before bowing his head to the pair, signalling that it was time for them to join their people. He watched as Kíli took a shaky breath before scooping up the stuffed lion Fíli had refused to part with and slipped it inside his tunic pocket in order to draw the strength he needed to get through the night. He turned on his heel and exited the room, all three dwarves walking in silence as they tried to deal with the emotions that were ravaging their hearts.

The light of the full moon cast an ethereal glow on the land as the three exited their home, and a soft breeze ruffled their hair as they made their way to the town gates. Kíli kept his sight ahead of him, now was not a time to appreciate the beauty of the land, the wilderness that he associated with safety as all he felt now was hate; hate for the world for its cruelty, for taking his brother from him, for going on like nothing had changed when his whole world had shattered. His thoughts were clouded in grief so why was the moon shining so bright? Why was it not hiding in a sky filled with clouds that threatened to burst with rain just like his own emotions wanted to burst free? No, in that moment he hated the wilderness and the world for it had turned its back on him, it had taken the only one that mattered to him most.

They arrived in the town square and Kíli felt a tightness in his chest as he looked around the faces of those that had gathered. Every dwarf and man had come out that night, all dressed in black and many with lanterns dangling from their fingers. He watched as Thorin moved forwards and the crowd parted for him, every person there bowing their head as their king in exile passed. He followed after his uncle, every footstep feeling heavier the closer to the gate he got and his fingers clenching painfully at the fur of Fíli's toy lion. He wasn't aware of the bowed heads he received from the townspeople, nor that they joined together once more and followed after Dís passed them. He kept his gaze on his uncles back; a strong sturdy presence like an Oak tree that despite the battering of grief he had suffered through would remain standing tall.

And so, led by a king in exile the town of Ered Luin passed the gates of their home to farewell their fallen prince one last time.

* * *

Kíli came to a stop behind his uncle and it took him several moments to realise where they were. They were on the shores of the River Lhûn; the place where he and Fíli had learnt to swim when they were younger, the place that he and Fíli frequented when they wanted to swim or fish, away from others and free of responsibilities. He wasn't sure why they had stopped here, but as he looked further upstream he noticed the townspeople stopping at a raft, and from the shadows of the lanterns he saw offerings being placed on top before joining them once more. He frowned and turned his attention to Thorin, unsure of what was being offered when he spotted something next to Thorin that made his heart stop.

A plaque set in polished stone that came to Thorins hip.

A plaque for Fíli.

Kíli's breath hitched in his throat as he stepped forwards to read what had been inscribed on it.

_Fíli,_

_Here lies final resting place of Fíli, son of Dís and Víali, sister-son and heir to Thorin Oakenshield and brother to Kíli.  
Never shall he be forgotten;  
The warrior, the prankster, the diplomat, the swordsman,  
A loved nephew, a cherished son,  
A best friend and irreplaceable brother._

A sob escaped his lips and he squeezed his eyes shut against the pain that threatened to tear free, barely noticing the weight of his mother at his side as she wrapped her arm around him and gave him a gentle hug. He fixed tear filled eyes on her and she stroked a hand across his face, brushing the loose hairs that had shifted out of his eyes.

He looked at Thorin when his uncle began to speak; as he talked of Fíli and the kind of dwarf he had been, of what he hoped he would become and the hole that his death would forever leave in their hearts. Soft cries and whimpers echoed through all those that were gathered for Fíli had been loved by all; he was kind and caring, quick with a laugh and even faster with a blade. He was someone the children wished to be when they grew up and someone the adults wished was their son for the grace and honour and pride that he brought to his family. He was someone that could never be replaced, never be forgotten.

Someone Kíli wanted back more than anything in the world.

Thorin turned and looked to two dwarves who were standing on the edge of the people gathered and after receiving a nod from their king both dwarrows moved back to the raft, whilst Balin stepped forward and handed Thorin Kíli's bow. He turned to face his nephew and held it out to him with the prepared arrow whose tip was wrapped in an oil drenched cloth.

Kíli looked between the bow and his uncle, not understanding what he was meant to do with it, but when he saw Balin step forwards with a lit candle in his hands and watched as the two dwarves pushed the raft into the river so it could float past them to the sea he understood. With shaking hands he grasped the bow, breathing heavily through his nose as the tears were once again stopped from breaking free.

He stepped forwards, aware that the eyes of the town were on him and he watched through watery eyes as the raft came floating down the river; flowers and letters to the fallen prince stacked on top. As it drew nearer Balin stepped up beside him and despite wanting to hide away from the world for the rest of his life whilst he grieved for what he had lost Kíli placed the arrow to the candle, watching emotionlessly as the strip of cloth wound around the arrowhead caught fire.

He turned back to the river and watched numbly as the water carried the raft past him and turning to face it he drew the arrow back; feathers against his cheek, string taught and arms aching before he released it. The dull thunk it made as it embedded itself in the wood was all Kíli needed to know he hit his mark, and after several moments the fire spread on the raft until it resembled a burning pyre as it floated away; carrying with it the soul of the brother he loved.

The bow slipped from his fingers, the quiet thud of wood on stone echoed in the silence as a shaking hand delved inside his tunic and withdrew a knife, one of his brothers that he had refused to part with and the only time it left his body was when he slept, even then it was stored under his pillow. Kíli stepped in front of the plaque and raised his hands over it, his free hand grasping the blade and he dragged it through his closed fist, pulling the blade free before squeezing his hand tightly and allowing the blood to drip onto the plaque, the glistening red drops covering his brother's name.

It was then that Kíli allowed the tears to flow and he fell to his knees, harsh sobs tearing from his lips as he pressed his head and bleeding hand against the stone, his shoulders shaking in grief.

"Goodbye my brother" Kíli whispered, wishing more than anything that he could join his brother rather than go through life in the dark and alone.

A gentle hand on his head and a soft murmur of his name had Kíli looking up to his mother and uncle behind him, seeing the tears and grief echoed on their faces. But it was the soft light behind his mother that caught his attention and he stood, looking around the villagers that had gathered and saw that every dwarf and man alike held a blue lantern.

At some unseen signal the lanterns were released and the dwarves began their grieving song; a lone voice started the call and was slowly joined by others and a single tear slipped from Kíli's eye as he looked at his mother and uncle and saw that they each held their own lantern, a third one held in their combined hands and it was extended towards him.

He grasped the blue paper delicately, looking at his mother then to Thorin tearfully before he raised his arm and pushed it into the air, watching as it sailed up from below the others and was joined by the last two and together the hundreds of lanterns floated up towards the stars, carrying the memory of a golden haired dwarf towards the maker and guiding his soul home.


	15. I'm Learning To Let You Go

**A/N: Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay in updating but I'm back now! For a little while at least anyway. I've been furiously typing away on my new story Because It Was Expected Of Him, another Fili centric fic and based on what I'd wished had happened in the movies (most is the same but I explored parts a bit more) and the main inspiration for it was the lack of Fili in the trailer for BOTFA. So if you're a Fili fan I promise you won't be disappointed! The third chapter will be going up shortly :D**

**Anyway little bit of a time jump as you'll see, and not to get you all excited but everything will be coming to a head in a few chapters, things are about to go down! So hang in there for that! Oh and I apologise for any tears caused in the last chapter. Not really lol.  
**

**A special shout out to the new followers/favouriters: MoCue, LaerwenMithAnarion, FTA92, xEmmaPevensiePendragonx, littlespider, xXIceSlayerXx, dopeydee, mercuito269, PhoenixUniverse, LonelyEscapeArtist, Megphil, Liz Dudgeon, grimnessreaper and Samwise the Strong, as well as everyone else who has favourited/followed and commented, you guys are awesome!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

* * *

Kíli dropped his head onto the desk with a thud, letting out a groan in both pain and boredom only to look up and glare at Ori and Gimli who were chuckling next to him. Never had he been more bored than what he had been the last three months, days that were once dedicated to archery lessons or hunting excursions now saw him locked inside Balin's study pouring over the laws and traditions of their people for his training as heir.

He now understood why his brother would sometimes come home and grab his weapons before dragging him out the door to train until they both collapsed from near exhaustion, just needing a change of pace and a challenge after spending days hunched over dusty books and scrolls that would be best left in the past.

Kíli's heart ached when he thought of his brother. It had been three months since he had said goodbye to his other half, his best friend yet the pain never lessened, never went away. He had good days when he thought about Fíli, days were there was little pain as he thought about his brother; how they used to play fight when they were children, how they had put honey through Dwalins comb and had to hide for an hour due to how furious the bald warrior had been especially when Thorin burst out laughing every time he looked at him, how Fíli spent hours with Kíli to help him perfect his archery.

But for every good day there were two bad ones.

On those days Kíli didn't want to leave his room, wishing he could just hide from the world as how could he smile when his brother would never get that chance again? How could he run across the grass or feel the wind in his hair when his brother could not do the same beside him?

The first month had been the worst for him, as well as for his mother and uncle but as time went on the pain became more bearable. Or perhaps it was the pointless texts he was forced to read that took his mind off his brother, whatever the reason Kíli felt both grateful for the ease of his pain and guilty that the pain wasn't eternal as he believed it should be.

"The abundance of knowledge weighing your head down?" Ori's quiet snicker cut through his musings and Kíli couldn't help but look at his friend in annoyance.

"Honestly, most of this doesn't even apply to the town these days so why bother learning them at all?" He whined back.

"Because," Gimli said in a poor imitation of Balin "the laws may not apply here but when we return to Erebor they are what we'll use to keep the peace. It is a big place that will have many people after all. These texts are sacred and must be treated as such."

"Yeah well we'll see how sacred they are when they all go up in flames when someone knocks a candle over as they fall asleep reading them." Kíli grumbled as he crossed his arms over his chest in a huff as his friends burst out laughing, their laughter soon making him join in as well.

Just then a knock on the door interrupted their laughter and all three looked towards it as it opened.

"Studying is not meant to be a fun activity," a low voice rumbled before Thorin's head appeared around the door.

"Uncle!" Kíli cried as he leapt to his feet and hurried over, wrapping his arms around Thorin and couldn't help but grin when an equally strong hug was returned.

"It does my heart good to see you again nephew," Thorin murmured into Kíli's hair as he pressed a kiss to the top of his head, "and to hear your laugh once more."

Kíli drew away from Thorin with an embarrassed smile. He knew that both Thorin and his mother had worried over him in that first month, and Thorin had had to leave in the second month so Kíli knew he would have been travelling with no knowledge of how his nephew and heir was faring.

Of course he would have been worried.

"I've missed you Uncle," Kíli said with a small smile. "Having you gone so soon after… it was hard losing another one even though I knew you would return." He admitted, glancing at his boots shyly.

Thorin's quiet laughter warmed his heart and he started when a gentle hand cupped his cheek, raising his face so they could look at each other.

"I have missed you too Kíli," Thorin admitted with a smile. "Come, I believe you have taxed your brains enough for one day so why don't you escort your old Uncle home and tell me what you have been up to these last two months."

He looked at Ori and Gimli as Kíli collected his belongings and gave them a smile. "I believe you are both done for the day also, I will inform Balin I let you all leave early."

The prospect of leaving several hours earlier than intended had the three young dwarves quickly tidying up their mess before grabbing their belongings and sprinting out the door, Kíli stopping beside Thorin's pack and hefting onto his shoulder as he waited for his uncle to join him after talking with Balin.

When Thorin arrived outside he gave Kíli a grateful smile before the pair set off down the path for home; Kíli asking for details of his trip and Thorin answering what he could. He was glad to see Kíli's spirit back after the grief they had all suffered; the light which once shone so bright in his eyes had sputtered out, but it was only now that Thorin believed he could see an echo of what was once there.

"So," Kíli asked hesitantly "did you find it? Did you find the trail?"

Thorin sighed and shook his head at his nephew, not having to look to see the disappointment on his face nor the sagging of his shoulders. "No, I found nothing more after the second campsite. The world is big, and there are many places they could have gone. I tried tracking them but the ground was too dry to find reliable indentations."

Just before Thorin's trip Kíli, Gimli and Dwalin had been out hunting when the three stumbled upon a makeshift campsite, scraps and gouges in the land indicating that the Orc pack had camped there. Thinking that they might be able to still track the pack a month after it had attacked him and his brother Kíli set out to try and find where they had gone, only to be dragged home by Dwalin and Gimli to tell Thorin what they had found.

He had been furious when Thorin told him he was not to try and track the pack, and only relented when Dís begged him not to go, crying that she had already lost one son and couldn't bear the thought of losing another. He had made Thorin swear that he would do what he could to track them down and Thorin had agreed, reminding Kíli that the chances of finding anything were slim to none as it had already been a month since they had been there.

"It was a long shot," Kíli said sadly "stupid wishful thinking."

Thorin stopped his nephew with a hand on his shoulder and touched their foreheads together before drawing back. "I too wish I had found them Kíli, I would have liked nothing more than to have removed their heads from their shoulders for what they have done to our family. Never," he said sternly "never regret wanting to find them to slaughter the filth that dared harm our family."

When Kíli nodded in understanding he clapped his nephew on the shoulder.

"Now come," he said as he started walking once more. "Let us surprise your mother with my visit so she knows to prepare food enough for the three of us tonight rather than having me eat the pitiful food at the tavern."

"Learned your lesson from last time have you?" Kíli chuckled.

Thorin just rolled his eyes.

* * *

The sound of arguing roused Fíli from his fitful sleep and as he sat up he noticed Amber crouched by a rock nearby, one that separated them from their captors.

"What's happening?" Fíli whispered, causing Amber to jump in shock.

She gave him a pointed look before focusing on the scene unfolding in front of her once more.

"We have company," she whispered back "another Orc pack, although whether they were passing by or planned to meet here I am unsure."

Fíli frowned at the new information and struggled to his knees, blinking as black spots danced across his vision from the loss of blood the night before. After Ambers' revelation that she might be able to free them she had resorted to only healing the most serious of wounds, and not even then had they been fully healed. After the first month Fíli asked if her plan was working and she admitted that it was beginning to, although it wasn't going as well as she'd hoped as the storing of her energy was proving to take longer than she had anticipated, especially when it was taking the pair of them several days to recover from the blood loss and fevers that constantly plagued them as well as the constant beatings she was receiving from their captor for not healing the pair of them as she had been. When she had told Scarface it was due to the fact that there were two of them she had to heal and it was taking its toll he threatened that if she didn't heal them both he would kill Fíli to remove the 'problem'. After that she had been forced to use more of her energy to stop anything happening to either of them.

He crawled forwards, leaning heavily on Amber when he stopped in order to get his breath back before looking up to see what was occurring. The Orcs were arguing in black speech so Fíli did not know what the problem was, but due to the language of the Orcs being similar to Elvish Amber was able to understand some of what was being said.

"Rohan," Amber whispered. "Something about Rohan. I believe he is saying that something has increased along the borders of the Horse Masters lands."

"Patrols?" Fíli asked quietly, his eyes assessing the new arrivals.

"Perhaps. I do not think it is a random occurrence, I believe they may have attacked a village hence the increase at the borders of their land."

Fíli couldn't help but agree with her assessment; out of the pack of thirty or so a dozen of the new Orcs had injuries and others seemed to be fighting over weapons and other loot they had stolen.

"At least we know where we are now," Fíli whispered. "It's more than what we've known for the last two months."

Amber nodded silently her gaze still on the Orcs when she suddenly stiffened, and Fíli's eyes shot forwards to what could have alarmed her when he realised that the leader of the new Orc pack was making its way towards them, a forked tongue flicking out to lick its lips.

Fíli scrambled backwards, Amber by his side as the Orc began yelling in Westron meaning there was no way Fíli could misunderstand him.

"Well well, looks like you've got yourself some fresh meat 'ere! Good thing too, me an the boys were getting 'ungry."

Scarface grasped the Orc around the neck and hauled him backwards, pulling him close so they were face to face.

"They are not for eating."

"Why? Who says?" was the sneered response. "We ain't 'ad nothing fresh for a week!"

Scarface snarled, and before Fíli or Amber could so much as blink he pulled a knife from his belt and plunged it into the Orc.

What happened next Fíli was unsure, one moment the Orc in Scarfaces grasp was squealing as it was gutted, the next utter chaos broke out around them. Amber threw herself on top of Fíli as the fighting broke out between the packs, Orc fighting Orc, Warg fighting Warg. Amber let out a cry of pain as a Warg leapt over the rock separating the pack from its prisoners and the claws from its back paw raked down her side as it landed yet still she shielded him.

How long the fighting lasted for neither of them knew, only that a silence echoed through the clearing when the last Orc from whichever pack that lost had died. The pair of them lay on the ground, shaking in fear as they waited for their fate to be decided; it was either Scarface who would keep them alive for his master, or the other Orc who would feed them to his pack.

Heavy footsteps on the ground had them looking towards the clearing and to their relief Scarface appeared; his black skin and blade slick with blood and several open wounds littering his body. They watched as he walked towards them, a snarl on his face as he panted and when they looked up at him in fear he lifted his leg, bringing his boot crashing down on their heads one after the other and leaving them unconscious in his wake.

"WE'RE MOVING OUT!"


	16. It's Been Six Months To The Day

**A/N: Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay in getting this out, as some of you may have seen I've been focused on writing Because It Was Expected Of Him. After this I may start on the final chapter or do a bit of drawing for one of my stories, not sure yet.**

**Anyway for those still hanging around there's some good news for someone at the end of this chapter, so let me know what you think! By the by, I'm not 100% happy with this chapter as it's been a while since I've written for this story and I really struggled with this chapter, not sure why but I was. Hopefully it's to your standards :)  
**

****Also the stuff in Italics is a bit graphic in the violence just as a heads up!****

**A special shout out to the new followers/favouriters FirePiskie123 and aecwriterluv, as well as all the others who have commented and favourited, you guys are awesome!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

* * *

_**It's Been Six Months To The Day Since We Said Goodbye.**_

Soft light filtered through the windows of the small house, the silence only broken by Dís's quiet footsteps as she moved around the kitchen ladling porridge into three bowls. The front door opened suddenly and she shivered at the blast of cold air that followed Thorin as he ducked inside, his arms laden with firewood.

"The snow has eased up" Thorin informed her as he moved to the sitting room, placing his burden in the basket before throwing several logs onto the fire. Satisfied there was enough wood to last the rest of the morning if not the rest of the day Thorin followed his nose back to the kitchen, falling into one of the chairs with less grace than a king ought to have.

"Will you and Kíli still be going to the forge today?" Dís asked as she slid the honey towards him and got the kettle from over the fire, pouring the water into a cup and allowing the tea leaves to steep.

Thorin hummed in agreement as he drizzled honey onto his porridge. "The snow was heavy last night so people are likely to stay indoors, especially with the chill out there. It will give us time to catch up on the orders we have and if all goes well we should be home early."

"Alright, I'll go wake Kíli. The sooner you've both eaten the sooner you can both get started and come home for I do not wish to be alone tonight."

Dís left the kitchen leaving Thorin to his thoughts, and as he ate his gaze was drawn to the chair beside him, and he couldn't help but stare at it sadly. It had been six months to the day since Fíli had passed away and the pain of losing him was still raw. None of them had had the heart to pack his belongings away and the chair that sat at Thorin's left, Fíli's chair, was avoided at all costs out of respect. Even when they had guests over his chair was left empty and instead others were brought to the table, as though they could somehow keep Fíli's spirit with them despite knowing they could never get him back.

Just as he was about to take another mouthful of his breakfast Dís came hurrying back into the kitchen, her eyes wide and fear marring her normally delicate features. The look of terror was so real that it had Thorin surging up from the table, his chair falling and clattering noisily against the stone floor as he hurried to her.

"What is it Dís? Speak to me!"

Dís gripped her brother's arms as his hands made their way to her shoulders. "Kíli, he's gone! He's not in his room or Fíli's!"

Whilst Kíli was old enough to look after himself Dís had become stricter on the freedom she allowed her youngest since Fíli had passed. No longer was he allowed to leave without telling her or go hunting without company, and although at times it was often suffocating for the youth Kíli had done his best to abide by his mother's wishes knowing it was fear of losing him that had her demand these rules of him.

Which made Kíli's disappearance all the more worrying.

No sooner had Thorin hurried into the hall on his way to the bedrooms when something on the weapons rack caught his eye, or rather the lack of. Thorin stopped and breathed a sigh of relief as he pointed to the area where Kíli's weapons normally resided.

"I think I know where he's gone."

* * *

As they approached the training ground they saw Kíli hard at work, his sword in his hand as he attacked one of the training dummies without pause. The dull _thunk_ that his blade made every time it buried itself in the wood echoed softly over the snow covered ground. Eventually they stopped outside the training ring and leaned against the wooden railing watching as their youngest whirled away from his opponent and proceeded to block, parry and thrust against invisible foes.

He was beginning to tire, they both could see that and if he didn't stop soon Thorin knew he was likely to injure himself. With that in mind Thorin jumped over the railing into the ring and approached his nephew, his hand on the hilt of his sword as a precaution. However if Kíli knew his Uncle was there he paid him no heed and instead continued to fight against unseen enemies.

"Kíli."

Thorin said his name softly, barely heard above the wind in the trees yet Kíli spun all the same and it was only then that Thorin understood the reason for the strange training session. Tears were running down Kíli's face, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes were red. He was panting harshly and let out a yell before swinging at him, Thorin barely having time to raise his own sword to defend himself before they were engaged in a fierce fight.

Although Kíli's attacks were brutal the strength was waning to the point where if he had desired it Thorin knew he could have knocked the sword clean out of his hand yet he did not. It was clear Kíli needed to get his anger out of his system and if that meant pushing him to the point of near collapse then that was what Thorin would give him.

The sparring continued with Thorin rarely attacking, choosing to remain on the defensive throughout their fight until Kíli, taking a swing at him missed when he sidestepped and the young brunet crashed to the ground from the momentum. Thorin waited to see whether he'd stand and carry on but he did not. Kíli had abandoned his sword and was hunched over in the snow, his shoulders visibly shaking and gasping sobs rang out through the now silent field.

Thorin cast his sword aside and hurried forwards, falling to his knees in front of his nephew and barely registered Dís doing the same. He placed a gentle hand on Kíli's shoulder and to his surprise Kíli fell into his chest, his arms wrapping around the older dwarf as sob after heartbroken sob tore from his lips.

Startled but aware of the comfort he needed Thorin wrapped protective arms around the sobbing brunet, one arm releasing his nephew to embrace his sister and there the three huddled in the snow, the two adults protecting the youngest with love and strength. As the winds began to pick up, so too did Kíli's sobs lessen enough that he leaned against Thorin wearily, the occasional hitch in his breath the only indication he had not passed out in exhaustion.

"Let's get him home." Dís whispered, pushing off from the ground to pick up the fallen weapons whilst Thorin scooped Kíli into his arms and carried the younger dwarf home despite the weak protests. When they arrived Thorin headed straight for Kíli's room, nudging the door open with his foot before approaching the bed and placing him down gently.

The moment Kíli was released he pushed himself to the head of the bed and wrapped his arms around his legs, his head tucked against them and he didn't move despite feeling rather than seeing Thorin's eyes on him.

"What happened Kíli?"

The question was soft, hesitant, yet it still made him flinch. He had never had to deal with a dream of this intensity before and fleeing the house to train had seemed like the less destructive method of forcing it away.

"Please Kíli, talk to us." Dís had entered the room, a tray with cups of warm mead in her hands.

"Nightmare." Kíli mumbled into his arms.

"A nightmare caused you to flee to the training grounds?"

"It was about Fee."

Thorin and Dís bowed their heads in understanding. Ever since Fíli's death Kíli had been plagued by nightmares of his brother's death, forced to relive their final moments together or watch as he was tortured in front of him, helpless to stop what would inevitably happen. At the start they had been a nightly occurrence, yet as time slipped by they became less frequent and they only came back when he was feeling stressed or worried.

Kíli let out a whimper, his hands tugging at his hair harshly. "It was about that night! I just stood there and watched as he -"

"Shh Kíli shh. We understand. It's ok, it's ok..." Thorin soothed as he tried to remove Kíli's hands from his hair.

"No!" Kíli cried as he tore himself away from his uncle and mother. "It's not alright! It's been six months! Six months! You promised me it would get easier! You promised that it would stop hurting this much!"

He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, wishing that the pain would just leave him. He'd lost his brother, he knew that Fíli was never coming back yet the pain was still a consuming force in his heart and part of him just wanted to be rid of it, free to remember his brother for who he was rather than what had happened to him. The other half was too terrified to let go of the pain because it would feel like he was dishonouring his brother, forgetting about his sacrifice to keep the younger safe.

Dís sat on the bed next to her son and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him into her side and he rested his head on her shoulder wearily. "I know it hurts my sweet," she said softly, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "And I know it seems like there's no end to the pain but I promise you it does get easier, trust the both of us on this for we have had to deal with it often enough to know."

Kíli's fingers strayed under his pillow and wrapped around the object he knew would be underneath. He pulled it out and hugged it to his chest and when Thorin realised what it was he felt his breath catch in his throat for it was none other than Fíli's stuffed lion. It had been a gift Thíali had picked up for his eldest son before he was born; Kíli too had received a toy the day of his birth, a stuffed raven. And whilst Kíli's remained on a shelf in his room Fíli's had made its way underneath his brothers pillow, likely to be held in times the brunet needed strength to deal with the absence in his heart.

"I miss him," Kíli whispered, a single tear tracking down a flushed cheek. "I just wish he was here."

"So do we little Raven, so do we."

* * *

It felt as though a thousand needles were pricking his skin as he turned over, a small whimper slipping from his lips as his injuries and muscles protested the slightest movement, the snow beneath him biting into his skin mercilessly.

Letting out a small gasp at the cold Fíli cracked his eyes open and peered around, praying he hadn't been heard as his fingers searched out his blanket and hoped to sleep a little longer and give his body time to fully recover. When his fingers brushed over the fur he dragged it over his barely clad torso, shivering as the snow that had clung to the blanket melted on his skin. As he tucked it around himself he couldn't help but think how grateful he was for Ambers' insistence on finding something that would keep them warm when the winter set in, or how she had pleaded with Scarface that if nothing was done, if they were left to fight the elements themselves she could make no promises that Fíli would get through the winter months alive; that the snow and the cold would kill him in his sleep if his injuries didn't do it first.

Her request of the Orc came with a price however, and they had both been forced to go through a severe beating before Scarface deemed it payment enough. The Orcs had relished the chance to attack an unsuspecting town, and he and Amber had been dragged to the gate, forced to kneel at the entry to the settlement and watch as the Orcs plundered and set fire to the buildings, forced to listen as the screams of women and children filled the evening air and watch as they were slaughtered as they fled.

All because they had requested warmth to get them through the winter.

"_There is nothing we can do to avoid it," Amber had whispered in his ear. They were kneeling side by side and he buried his face in her shoulder, his body shaking with silent tears unable to watch anymore as innocent children were killed before their eyes. "This must be done Fíli, I refuse to lose you. I made you a promise to get you home and I intend to keep it."_

_After the last cry died on the wind Scarface approached them, his flesh spattered with blood that glistened in the setting sun. He shoved a fur blanket into Fíli's chest, and grinned as the dwarf let out a whimper as the blood on the fur smeared down his front as it fell to the ground. Turning to the elf he grasped her face with his blood soaked hand and pulled her to her feet, savouring the look of disgust and horror as she felt the warmth and slickness smear across her face. He barked an order to his troops and he grinned as the prisoners were pushed forwards, forced to walk through the town to the other side where the remainder of the Orcs were waiting and unable to look away or close their eyes as they passed the countless bodies that littered the streets._

_Once they reached the town edge Scarface turned on the pair of them, grabbing them by the hair and forcing them to turn to look at the town one last time._

"_I 'ope your blankets serve you well." _

Fíli felt bile rise in his throat as he tried to push the sight of the dead children from his mind. With his heart racing and his head hurting from the memories he knew that he was unlikely to find anymore sleep, so hissing as the snow bit into his hands he pushed himself into a sitting position with shaking arms. He looked at Amber who was curled up beside him, noting with worry the dark circles beneath her eyes and the large trail of dried blood down the side of her head from the blow that had knocked her out the night before.

The plan she had formed to store enough of her power to help free them wasn't working as well as either of them had hoped. It was as though Scarface had been aware of the small hope that they both held for freedom and so he in turn had taken to beating them even when they were unconsciousness, inflicting as much damage as possible to increase the amount of time and energy Amber spent in healing their wounds.

As he stood the ache in his muscles and the pull of skin in some of the areas that had received the brunt of the lashes told him that Amber had once again spent time healing him the night before. As he hobbled away from their sleeping area, trying to keep the crunch of snow under his boots as silent as possible so as not to disturb her he couldn't help but feel guilty about the exhaustion that healing him brought the elf, and wishing not for the first time that death would claim him quickly to stop the pain she was putting herself through.

Following the quiet noise that broke the silence of the early morning Fíli soon found the bank of the stream that gurgled close by and knelt beside it, trailing his hand in the icy water before washing them in an effort to remove the dirt and blood that seemed to permanently grace them. He withdrew his hands quickly however, the cold making him shiver violently and rubbed them together, trying to get some feeling back in his fingers before plunging them in the water once more. He cupped his hands and gathered as much water as he could before bringing the chilled liquid to his lips, drinking blissfully and sighing as it soothed his aching throat on the way down.

As he went to gather more his reflection in the water caught his eye and he lowered his hands slowly, leaning forward more to see it properly and he felt his heart sink at the sight. No longer did a toned and well-built dwarf with golden hair stare back at him; instead a frail, thin dwarf whose bones were visible beneath the skin every time he shifted could be seen. His hair was no longer a recognisable gold; instead it was dirty, matted and uneven where chunks had been cut or ripped out, scars from injuries months past peeked out from underneath the rags he called clothes and his pale and sickly coloured sick from being underfed easily showed every bruise on his already damaged body.

His fingers brushed his face, following the curves where his cheeks had become sunken and shallow, and they brushed lightly across the dark circles that had formed under his eyes. Finding the sight had stolen his thirst and hunger Fíli slid himself backwards until his back hit a tree, and pulling his legs to his chest he wrapped his arms around them and buried his face into them as he cried, not for what he saw in his reflection but for the death of the dwarf he had once been.

He wasn't sure how long he had been there for; once he had cried himself out he had remained huddled against the base of the tree, trying to keep warm and letting the sounds of the stream lull him to sleep when a gentle hand on his shoulder made him jump. He peered up and found Amber beside him, looking down at him with a sad smile on her face. As she sat down beside him slowly, gasping quietly in pain he peered at the bundles in her hand curiously, trying to think to when she could have acquired anything of worth.

Amber grinned when she caught his expression and once she had made herself comfortable she unwrapped one of the small bundles, chuckling at Fíli's gasp of surprise.

"Blackberries?! Amber where did you find them?"

"I found them last night on one of the bushes further downstream and managed to get enough before my guard came looking for me. We have gone without proper food for so long I knew I could not pass up the opportunity." Amber grinned at him before placing the whole thing in his hands, picking up the second and opening it for herself. "Ensure you eat slowly Fíli, it has been many moons since we have eaten something solid and if you eat too many too quickly your stomach is likely to cramp and bring them back up."

Keeping her warning in mind Fíli plucked the first berry off the top and bit into it slowly, groaning in joy at the burst of juice that landed on his tongue and savouring the taste as it slid down his throat. They sat quietly as they enjoyed the rare delicacy, trying to hold onto the taste for as long as possible knowing that it would probably be the last time they'd come across something like this again.

"We're nearly at the end, aren't we?" Fíli asked quietly, his finger tracing one of the fruits gently. Although he couldn't understand everything the Orc would yell at his troops in Black Speech, certain words and the sadness that had appeared on Ambers face as he yelled to his pack the night before had given him enough of a clue to what was being said.

Amber sighed and looked at him sadly. "Aye," she murmured "wherever it is they plan to take us, he believes we shall be there in several weeks. I am so, so sorry Fíli."

"For what?"

Amber bowed her head, unable to look her companion in the eye. "I promised to get you back to your people and I have done no such thing, I have failed you mellon, forgive me."

Fíli closed a hand around hers and when she raised her head he gave her a small smile. "I forgive you. You have done your best, I know that and it is more than I deserve. My death, when it comes," Fíli sighed as he looked to the patch of blue sky peeking out from the clouds "I shall welcome it."

"You cannot mean that!"

"I do Amber for I am no longer the dwarf I once was. All the pain and suffering I have been through these past months, I don't think I can take anymore. I wish to go to the Makers Halls and await my family in peace and comfort. It is these thoughts that have been driving me to survive as of late."

Amber looked at the sad dwarf beside her and felt her heart ache. It didn't matter that he had forgiven her for not being able to free him, she had still failed him and that thought more than any other is what had a single tear slip from her eye. Forgetting the berries she placed an arm around him and hugged him to her side, placing a kiss on the top of his head before resting her head on his.

"If that is to be your wish," she murmured into dirtied hair "then I will do what I can for you my friend."

Just as Fíli went to respond a bird burst through the trees startling the pair of them as it flew towards the Orcs. They both laughed as they tried to calm their racing hearts when a roar had them looking at each other in confusion before scrambling up and hurrying to the edge of the Orc camp.

Whatever had happened had Scarface so enraged that he was strangling one of the Orcs when they arrived and Fíli barely had time to take in the scene in front of him when Amber dashed from their hiding place and scooped something up from the ground, hurrying back behind the rock before she was seen.

"What're you doing?" Fíli hissed as she spread what appeared to be a piece of skin with markings on it on the ground.

Amber ignored him as she examined it, her brown creasing as she read.

"What does it say? Amber?"

"These are orders," Amber whispered as she tried to decipher the crude symbols.

"What kind of orders?"

"We are to be taken to… Forlindon?" Amber looked away from the skin as she thought. "Forlindon… Forlindon… I have heard the name but barely recall it."

Fíli frowned as he thought and the realisation of where it was was like a blow to the stomach. His gasp snapped Ambers attention to him and she could see the barely concealed hope and excitement on his face.

"Fíli what is it?"

"Forlindon," he replied, barely able to breathe through his excitement "Forlindon is behind the Blue Mountains! Behind my home! Amber…"

Words failed him but the fire that suddenly blazed to life in Ambers eyes told him she understood completely.

"Fíli, you are going home."

* * *

In case people were wondering, Fili and Amber would have washed the blankets in a stream before using them. I don't think either of them would have the heart to sleep under blankets that are still caked in blood.

Also Forlindon is an actual place in Middle Earth, it's not made up. If you take a look at Tolkien's map you will see right behind Ered Luin is Forlindon. My guess its a dwarven version of Laketown or is actually a town of men.


	17. In Dreams

**A/N: Hello everyone! So a short but by no means less important update for you all. I feel like this one may have been rushed but I wanted to get it done and out of the way so I could start working on a couple of my other stories. As a massive teaser for you, a reunion is on the very near horizon, whether that is a good thing or not remains to be seen, but you have been warned :D**

**Special shout out to all the new followers/favouriters: LittleLonnie, firefoxxe, 03, Meryem Schneyder, Raija22 and Booksnake3 as well as all the current followers/favouriters, you guys are awesome!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

* * *

Fíli slumped against the tree, groaning as the bark dug into the half healed wounds littering his back and prayed that he would be left alone for the remainder of the night. Once again they had been the evening entertainment for their captors and once again Fíli had wished for death with every strike of the whip.

The torture of choice that he had been forced to endure was the one he hated the most; the one where he was forced to deliver the punishment to Amber until she collapsed before he received his own. Whips, fire and blades, he was forced to use them all until the elf no longer moved and if he held back even once on the intensity of his blows... Fíli shuddered, not wanting to relive the memories of the first time he had tried to hold back; for days he'd been terrified he'd never get the full use of his hands and feet again despite Amber's assurances they had healed.

But the Orcs entertainment didn't stop there. The moment Scarface was satisfied with the amount of blood and injuries on the elf he turned the whip on him and beat him relentlessly until he was barely clinging to consciousness before dragging them back to their sleeping area.

Fíli looked to where he knew Amber to be, barely able to make out her form in the moonlight and regret strong in his heart. He had woken sometime after passing out to find Ambers limp hand on his back, her magic still attempting to heal his wounds despite her own being so much worse. He had rolled away, feeling well enough to avoid being healed completely until she had her strength back.

As he sat in the silence his fingers strayed to the base of the trunk and rubbed against the smooth patch there, knowing that if he shifted the mark Amber had left there months ago would glow dully for their eyes only. Although she had promised him that she always ensured the Orcs could never see it he couldn't help but feel nervous that they would find it when they were next dragged away and would be beaten mercilessly for it. When they had arrived she had searched around for it, eventually finding it told him it was the mark she'd made when they were in Rohan and giving the young dwarf strength knowing that he was slowly making his way home again.

"I will find you Kíli," he whispered into the evening air.

"We'll be together soon."

* * *

The scream that echoed through the small house had Dís sitting up in alarm before scrambling out of bed to hurry to the only one the cry could have belonged to. With a lantern from the hallway in her hand she pushed open her sons' door, her eyes falling on the dwarf sitting up in bed.

"Kíli?" Her voice was hesitant, unsure as to whether he was still in the throes of his nightmare or had woken and was trying to collect himself.

"I'm ok mama." The voice that responded was hoarse, likely to be both from sleep and his sudden outburst but it drew her to the bed all the same.

"Bad dream Gimlith?"

The single candle flickering in its glass cage combined with the moonlight that streamed through the window showed Kíli's nod in answer. His hair was dishevelled, as though he had been tossing and turning and one arm was clutched tightly to his chest, the pale blond hair of Fíli's stuffed lion peeking out from behind it.

Kíli shifted on his bed and she sat beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and letting her son cuddle into her side.

"I just dreamed of Fíli again is all." His voice was quiet, weary even as he thought of his older sibling and a wave of sadness washed over Dís as she thought about how her youngest was once again forced to witness the death of his brother.

"You know there is nothing you could have done for him Ghivashith, he made his choice to save you."

Kíli shook his head against her shoulder at her soft words, confusion in his voice as he spoke once more.

"It wasn't about that night mama, this time it was different."

"Oh?"

"Fíli he was... he looked terrible mama, he looked like he'd been starved he was so thin. He was just sitting against a tree, sadness in his eyes as he stared at me and as I called out to him he just shook his head and asked me to help him. And when I tried to get closer to him he just started screaming as blood appeared and he- I-I" Kíli broke off with a sob, burying his face in his mother's hair and she pressed a kiss to his forehead.

It was an odd dream Dís couldn't deny that, never before had Kíli had one like that and it was clear that it had shaken him. She knew that all she could do was keep him wrapped in her arms until he had calmed down, and she was willing to wait as long was needed.

"I miss him," Kíli's quiet voice cut through her musings. "I just want him back."

"As do I my love, as do I."

"Do you think he'd be proud of me?"

The question was asked so quietly Dís almost missed it and it made her heart ache to hear it, coated in so much self-doubt and hesitancy as it was asked, yet she knew her son needed the reassurance that he hadn't let his brother down.

"Yes my love, he'd be so proud of you for the dwarf you are becoming. The town is beginning to rely on you when Thorin leaves and they are looking to you for ideas and suggestions to solve issues, you are one of the strongest warriors here, yet you are also kind-hearted and fair. I don't think he could be more proud."

What she didn't add was that if Fíli were he here would also likely grieve the loss of the carefree and bubbly personality the brunet had once possessed. Although Fíli had never admitted it Dís knew one of the reasons Fíli always agreed to wreaking havoc with his brother was that Kíli's smile was a treasure that he wanted to protect, that it was the light in his life when everything else became too difficult or too much, and to know that Kíli had lost his bright spark since he had died...

Dis knew he'd be heartbroken.

She pressed a kiss to the brunet locks before withdrawing her arm, planning on leaving her son to allow him to find some much needed sleep when a hand on her wrist stopped her and she looked at him, her heart falling at the sight of tears in the brunet's eyes.

"Can you stay?" Kíli asked tearfully.

Rather than responding she shuffled down the bed until she was lying down and opened her arms, her son falling into them gratefully, and with the memory of the fair-haired dwarf they had lost they both drifted into sleep.

* * *

**Gimlith** – star that is young  
**Ghivashith** – treasure that is young


	18. A New Hope

**A/N: Hello everyone! Woops almost two months since I've updated this! I swear I didn't forget about this fic, more like I've kinda run outta steam for it? Seeing as I've started two new fics (one of which I should probably adapt for this site as it's currently an angsty FiKi fic which I'll change to them just being brothers so people will read it here and the other I haven't got around to posting) my enthusiasm for this one has quickly dwindled. I think it has something to do with the fact that I've been writing it for almost a year, and if I'm honest it's almost like it's hanging around like a bad smell O.o**

**Ok that's a really bad thing to say about your own fic lol. I've been struggling to get the next chapter written, I didn't do a half arsed chapter I promise, more like I think I overdid it? It was getting pretty close to 5k+ words before I decided to split it, add a little bit more suspense back into it, know what I mean? ;) It doesn't help that I have so many other stories lined up that I just want to get this outta the way ASAP so I can start on them quickly. Thankfully, if I follow my chapter breakdowns properly I only have another 6 chapters to write. Woohoo! Light at the end of the tunnel.**

**Oh and you know that certain thing that you've all been hanging out for? Yeah it may or may not happen next chapter. Just saying ;)**

**A special shout out to the new followers/favouriters: SherDraLoki, Write my life away, vlnelson1955 and Aspie as well as everyone else whose commented and favourited, you guys are awesome!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

* * *

It was the smell of bacon that dragged Kíli from his slumber and down to the kitchen, grunting a good morning to Thorin and Dis as he fell into his chair.

"Good morning to you too," Dís said with a laugh. "Late night?"

He shook his head in response as he pulled the plate with bacon and eggs towards him and dumped a large helping onto his plate, moaning as the first bite of bacon exploded with flavour in his mouth. "Just had trouble sleeping last night."

"Did you have your window open?" Thorin asked around a mouthful of eggs. "It's getting warmer now that it's summer, maybe the heat made you unsettled."

"No it wasn't that, just..." he frowned as he pushed his eggs around his plate, mulling over what it was that had kept him up throughout the night. "I don't rightly know to be honest, just an odd feeling."

Thorin shrugged and continued eating, content with the fact that if his nephew wasn't truly upset by whatever it was that was bothering him then it was best to leave it be.

"Have you any chores for me today mama?" Kíli asked after several minutes of peaceful silence. "Or am I able go hunting? There's been talk of a large herd nearby and the stores are getting low."

"Actually," Thorin said as he pushed his empty plate away and settled back in his chair. "There is something we've been meaning to discuss with you. As tomorrow would have been your brother's birthday your mother and I have been talking about holding a village memorial for him. It's been a year since we lost him and we would like to acknowledge that."

Dís placed a hand over her sons when she noticed how pale he had become. "We didn't mean to surprise you like this Ghivashith, but your brother deserves to be remembered and many of our people have expressed their wishes for something to be held. He was loved dearly by everyone here, just as you are and they want to celebrate his memory."

"It's not that mama, it's a nice idea really," Kíli said quietly, "it's just... it's been a year to the day since I last saw him. It feels like it was only yesterday yet an eternity ago at the same time."

Thorin ran a hand over his head, squeezing the back of his neck gently whilst Dís placed her hand over his and gave him a small smile.

"We know sweetheart, we know."

* * *

Amber let out a groan as her head collided with the ground, turning just enough so that she could glare blearily at the Orcs as they tossed Fíli's unconscious form next to her. She let them fall shut again against the pain that swept through her body and waited for the Orcs to finish chaining them to the tree and leave the clearing before she attempted to move.

When the heavy footsteps faded away she pushed herself onto her hands and knees, her head pressed against the mossy earth as she willed the pounding in her head away. As the world stopped spinning in front of her she raised her head slowly to assess the dwarf lying next to her, a hand brushing the oily strands of hair away from the sallow face and felt her heart sink at how sickly Fíli was looking. As they got closer to their end destination their beatings had become come more frequent and brutal; sometimes the tortures were dragged out for hours, little nicks littering their body as they slowly succumbed to blood loss, limbs held close enough to the fire so that they would begin to burn only to be pulled away, the process being repeated over and over again until they were screaming from pain, and other times the beatings would be short but intense and many in one night, and neither of them knew which one was the worst.

As she examined his most recent wounds she realised with concern that Fíli's skin was cooler than normal and that despite the warm weather he was shivering. Knowing the rags that hung off his thin frame offered no warmth she pushed off the ground, waiting for several seconds until she was steady enough on her feet before lifting him, cradling him against her chest and carrying him to a nearby tree.

As she lowered herself to the ground she let out a pained gasp as one of her injuries tore slightly. Fíli let out a pained whimper as her movement jostled him and she shushed him gently, holding him to her more tightly to stop the jarring. When she was settled at the base of the tree she carded her hand through his hair, humming a tune from a time long past to keep him asleep and rested her cheek against his head, lending her barely present warmth to her companion.

Eventually his trembling stopped and Fíli relaxed into her hold completely and she watched tiredly as the wounds on his arms and face slowly began to knit back together. "It will be over soon," she whispered into his hair before leaning her head against the tree and letting it loll to the side. "You will escape this prison I promise mellon-nin."

It was then that a flash of blue caught her eye.

Frowning she reached towards it, shifting Fíli in her grasp as she did so. She brushed the long grass covering it aside and read it for only a moment before she nearly dropped the dwarf in her arms in shock.

"Fíli. Fíli!" She hissed in his ear, her eyes wide in disbelief.

Said dwarf whimpered before opening his eyes, catching her expression and despite his aching body sat up quickly searching the clearing for potential attackers. "What is it?" He whispered in alarm, finally noticing her gaze was fixed elsewhere.

"We're here." Amber whispered shocked, as though scarcely able to believe it. "We're here."

"Where? Amber what is it?"

Amber looked at him with in a way Fíli struggled to decipher and it put him on edge; it had been a long time since any expression other than pain or fear had been on her face.

"We must have missed a few stops or been in different clearings than we originally we -"

"Amber!" Fíli grabbed the elf by the shoulders and gave her a gentle shake. "What is going on?"

"Ered Luin. Fíli you are home! If you are to escape we must set our plan in motion now!"

Fíli's hands slipped from her shoulder as he stared at her in shock. Home. He was going home after what had felt like an eternity as a prisoner. His brother, his mother and his uncle, they were all nearby, they were so close yet so far away and for the first time in many months he felt a flicker of hope.

As they stared at each other in hope little did they know that on a cliff above them two dwarves were hidden behind a rock, watching and gathering information to report back to their leader.

* * *

"Again boy. Very nice."

"Raise your sword higher Kíli… That's better."

Thorin stood at the edge of the arena and watched as Dwalin and Kíli sparred, the clash of swords reverberating around the clearing. The weapons master had insisted on teaching the brunet a new routine, one Thorin was very familiar with and knew that it was one Kíli would find challenging yet useful once it was mastered.

It was in the middle of a series of complicated manoeuvres that two dwarf guards rode up, the concerned expressions on their faces enough to make Thorin call for a break as he waited for them to dismount.

"My Lord Thorin, we bring news -"

"An Orc pack has been spotted in the forest, in the clearing at the base of the mountain."

"Orcs?!" Dwalin growled as he and Kíli strode over. "Bunch o'filth, give me a handful o'dwarves and we'll make short work of them."

"Calm yourself Dwalin." Thorin ordered "I will not send anyone anywhere until we know we can take them down." He turned back to the two guards once he was satisfied his shield-brother wouldn't go running off to confront them.

"What can you tell me?"

"Pack of thirty not including Wargs, looks like they've been travelling for a while judging by the state of them."

"Their prisoners didn't look to be in good condition either," the second, younger guard piped up.

The first guard continued on as though his partner hadn't spoken "Minimal weapons on them from what we could tell but that doesn't mean there aren't more stored somewhere."

"Hold on," Kíli said with a frown. "Prisoners? What do you mean prisoners?"

"The prisoners are not the pressing concern," Thorin told his nephew. "A pack of this size troubles me deeply however, especially as they were able to get so close to the town undetected."

Dwalin sheathed his weapons on his back as he looked at his friend and king. "What are your instructions?"

"Gather the men, we will take ride up to the river and go the rest of the way on foot. The longer we can stay undetected the better our chances of a surprise attack."

"Uncle," Kíli asked quietly "what of the prisoners? We cannot leave them or put them in danger. We need to get them out of the way as soon as we can."

Thorin let out a sigh before turning back to the guards. "How did they look? If it came down to it would they look like they could defend themselves?"

Both guards looked at each other before shaking their heads. "If you plan on rescuing them then medical supplies will need to be brought, neither of them appear to be in good shape, although the elf looks to be slightly better than the dwarf, from what we could tell at the least."

Thorin and Dwalin both let out a growl at the mention of an elf but Kíli rolled his eyes and hit them both in the shoulder. "It shouldn't matter if they're elves, dwarves or men Uncle, they are still people and it is our duty to help them."

"You're right Kíli" Thorin said apologetically, "forgive me. Gather your men. Everyone is to be at the gate ready to fight in ten minutes." He instructed the guards, both who nodded before hurrying off.

"I shall meet you there," Dwalin said as he started moving towards his home "I'll inform Oin to prepare for wounded on my way."

Thorin nodded before turning to his nephew, who grinned at him and the pair headed towards their home to gather their armour and weapons for after what they had lost to Orcs a year ago, they would show them what happened to their kind who dared set foot on dwarvish land.

* * *

Fíli peered around the side of the tree, more alert for what was going on around him than he had been since he had been taken. Amber had told him to keep watch whilst she prepared their escape, telling him she needed to concentrate on the last amounts of power she could feel flowing through her body for if she didn't get it right the first time they were doomed.

He glimpsed behind him, concern on his face at the pained expression that graced her sallow face before turning away once more. The suffering she had put her body through for him was something he would never forget nor forgive himself for and he swore to himself silently that he would do everything in his power once they were free to help her recover.

"Fíli," Ambers quiet whisper had him turning to her and hurrying over as she waved him forward with her hand. He crouched down beside her and peered into her pain filled gaze with worry, only to jump as she raised her hand and placed it on his face and gasped as what felt like the sensation of warm water flowed through him.

"Amber what -"

The cracking of twigs had the pair pulling away from each other just as Scarface came around the corner, smirking at his two prisoners and immediately setting the pair of them on edge.

"Well well," he snarled in delight at their wary faces "our last night together whelps. Tomorrow you will be with my master, but until then I'm going to savour each and every blow that splits your flesh."

He moved forwards until he was directly in front of his two prisoners who were kneeling on the forest floor before grabbing their hair.

"I 'ope you're ready."


	19. Discovery Of A Painful Kind

**A/N: Hello everyone! I do apologise for the delay in getting this chapter to all you lovely people! I've been busy working on two new fics lately so doing chapters for those plus this and a few other things have really bogged me down! The two new fics have yet to be posted here, one of them because I'm lazy and haven't gotten around to putting it here (it's currently in AO3) and the other I need to change a few things around as it's a FiKi fic on AO3 but will just be a brotherly love kinda one here. It's probably one of the biggest Fili angst fics I'll ever do but I just need to make it more PG for on here, so keep your eyes open!**

**I'm not going to say anything about this chapter except: Finally the one you've all been waiting for :D**

**Special shout out to all the new followers/favouriters: AinaWGSD, soytejana, Raija22, daCAFFEINEjunkie, sinead123, Joban, Gilded Dragon, BonBonFires and vlnelson55, as well as everyone whose commented and favourited, you guys are awesome!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

* * *

"_I 'ope you're ready."_

Fíli swallowed nervously, knowing that whatever was to come would inflict a pain like he had yet to experience. Scarface was undoubtedly furious he had to give up his play things, and Fili knew he would take that anger and frustration out on the pair of them until neither were conscious and were barely breathing. It was then that all hope fled him, because Amber's plan, whatever it was would come too late to save them.

The look of desolation in Amber's eyes when he glanced over told him as much.

Before he could utter a sound the Orc's fist connected with his jaw making him grunt in surprise, suddenly finding the sound muffled as a gag was thrust into his mouth and tied tightly behind his head. The blow left him stunned, barely registering that he had been hauled to his feet and pushed forwards as he tried to blink away the spots that had erupted in his vision.

It was only when his wrists were bound and the rope began to bite into his skin that he realised just what had been set up for them as their final punishment. The orcs pulled on the ropes that had been thrown over branches until his arms were pulled above his head, exposing his barely covered back to the orc prowling behind him.

He tugged on the rope, hoping to find some weakness in his binds but there were none. None that would allow him to lower his arms enough to pull his gag free so he could scream at the top of his lungs praying that someone might hear before he lost the chance of escaping forever. Just the thought of being so close to home made him want to cry; the knowledge that his family was going about their day blissfully unaware of how close their lost dwarf was was just as painful as the agony he knew was to come.

A sharp pain drew him from his thoughts and the gag stifled his cry as a jagged blade cut through the rags and skin on his back; hacking away at the last vestiges of his tunic until his taut flesh was exposed to the bite of the blade making every cut explode in flame and he had to duck his head as he tried to hide his tears.

"Aw look boys, the princess is crying cause 'es gunna miss us," Scarface chortled as he dug a finger into one of the deeper cuts eliciting a groan of pain.

"Well, let's give 'im a parting gift 'e ain't never gunna forget."

* * *

"Alright, remember it's a large group and they have prisoners. If we take them by surprise we stand a chance of saving them and taking prisoners for interrogation. We leave the ponies at the path and go on foot. Any questions?"

The shaking of heads was all Thorin needed as an answer before he urged his pony forwards with Kíli and Dwalin flanking him as they thundered from the gate to the clearing; determined to rid his lands of Orcs and, more importantly, find out if any of them had been there a year earlier, for if they had then he would ensure they suffered the most painful death he could possibly offer for taking his nephew from him.

Eventually the pathway to the clearing came into view, a small dirt trail that was framed by overgrown grass on either side and Thorin raised his hand signalling for his company to slow down, moving their ponies to a walking pace so as not to attract attention before they wanted it.

Ignoring the soft thudding of hooves he tried to listen for any unusual sounds that would help give away the packs location but there was none. Either the bush was muffling the sounds they were making or they had decided to sleep before moving on that night in an attempt to remain undetected. Whatever the reason Thorin knew that come sundown not one of them would be left breathing.

He dismounted, his companions copying him and they all gathered at the entrance to the path. "We move on foot from here," he whispered. "No loud noises or sudden movements until I say. Understood?"

His men nodded as they drew their blades and in single file they crept up the path. As they got closer to the clearing they heard the unmistakable crack of a whip and the excited snarls of spectators.

"They're torturing them!" Kíli whispered horrified.

Thorin turned to glare at his nephew, a finger snapping up to his lips to silence him. He was well aware of what was happening nearby but knew that unless they kept quiet and took them by surprise no one would have a chance at escaping in one piece.

Kíli glowered back but accepted the reprimand silently, cursing himself for being unable to control his emotions after Thorin had specifically ordered them to be silent and cursing the orcs for what they were doing to the prisoners. He cared nothing for killing the orcs, his focus was solely on rescuing and protecting the prisoners and getting them to their families alive; after all he had lost Fíli to orcs and the heartbreak of him dying would remain with him for life. It was a suffering he refused to let another family live through.

Eventually Thorin raised a hand and they slowed to a stop before a nod had them fanning out in pairs amongst the trees, the thick foliage not only muffling the noise they made but also keeping them hidden from their enemies until they were ready to attack. Kíli and Dwalin followed him around the edge of the clearing as they searched for the best possible vantage point to assess the situation.

The warmaster tapped Thorin on the shoulder once before pointing to an area nearby where the wargs were all laying and watching what their masters were doing. Thorin growled silently at the sight before he swapped places with Kíli, needing to talk to the pair without having to speak up and attract unwanted attention.

"Dwalin, head towards their resting area and see who's hiding there," he breathed. "Tell them to take them out the moment we charge, we need those wargs dead or this will end with major losses on our side."

The bald warrior nodded before slipping away, oddly stealthy for someone so large and it made both Kíli and Thorin grin. A muffled scream had them looking back quickly and they moved further around, needing to see how bad a state the prisoners were in so they could determine how much assistance they could provide the moment they were free.

The first thing Kíli noticed as they finally spotted the pair was how skinny they looked. From his view of their backs their flesh was pulled taught due to their arms being tied, their pale skin revealing every rib, every vertebra of their malnourished bodies. And just from that sight alone he knew they had suffered at the hands of these vile creatures for too long. His eyes were quickly drawn to the marks that littered their backs; burns, whiplashes and cuts, they had them all and many were fresh. The blood dripped down their backs and Kíli's own began boiling in fury at the cruelty they had suffered.

Just as he went to turn to his uncle another muffled cry had him looking back in shock. There was something familiar about the yell, the pitch of it stirring up painful memories forcing him to examine the two prisoners properly; his eyes roving over them meticulously from behind looking for clues and what he saw made his heart stop.

He knew the dwarf.

The hair, although it was uneven and filthy betraying months of neglect was lighter in colour in some areas, tiny patches that almost looked to resemble straw. The bound hands were ones that Kíli had known all his life; ones that had held him when he cried, that had tangled in his hair as it was tousled and had clapped him on the back when he brought down game. The freckles on the left shoulder that Kíli would always run a finger over laughing that they looked like they created the letter K, only to be told they did and that it always reminded him that Kíli was at his back.

Fíli.

Kíli stared at his brother in horror, oblivious to the hand Thorin had placed on his shoulders as he turned him towards him. The dwarf that was strung up in the clearing, who was being tortured by the orcs in front of him, was his brother.

His brother who was dead.

His brother who was _alive._

"Kíli," Thorin murmured as he tapped him on the cheek, trying to elicit some response from the slack face. "What is it? You're scaring me boy."

The young brunet swallowed and looked at his uncle with wide tear filled eyes, his hand waving weakly at his brother.

"It's him," he whimpered. "Thorin it's him. It's Fíli. He's _alive._"

Thorin let out a sad sigh as he glanced at the two prisoners before turning back to his nephew. "Kíli, your brother is dead" he murmured gently. "There was nothing left of him in that clearing, I know you wish that it's him but it isn't."

Just as Kíli opened his mouth to argue back, to point out all the features familiar to him so he could prove it was his older brother one of the orcs in the clearing spoke up, cutting him off and they both turned to watch what would happen next.

"I won't lie," the Orc drawled as he twirled a burning poker he had pulled from the fire about, "I'll miss your screams when you're gone princess, I think I'll just get as many of 'em in as I can."

Kíli watched in horror as the orc tore off the gag before pressing the poker into the flesh, causing his brother to let out an agonized scream and the smell of burning flesh wafting around the clearing. The poker was pulled away and the orc laughed as the dwarf slumped in his restraints, tears streaming down dirtied cheeks.

"Please," Fíli whimpered, "please stop."

Kíli looked to his uncle with tears in his eyes at the sound of his brother's broken voice and saw how pale he had gone as he stared at his lost nephew in horror. There were tears forming Thorin's eyes as he looked at the tortured form of the one dwarf neither of them had expected to ever see again. The orcs laughter stirred him from his state of shock, the fury that coursed through his veins spurring him into action and he stood, unsheathing his sword and glancing at his nephew to ensure he had armed himself also.

"Get your brother to safety. He is your priority."

The brunet nodded at him and he returned it, taking a deep breath before charging from the bushes roaring at the top of his voice.

"DU BEKAR!"

The bloodlust and grief that filled him drove him forward, his cry being echoed by his companions and the lead orc was the one he would make pay for what he had done to his nephew. He was within arms distance of the orc when a blast of pure white light erupted in the middle of the clearing, the explosion of light filling his vision and knocking him off his feet.

And Thorin Oakenshield knew no more.


	20. Safe In Your Arms

**A/N: Hello my friends! Wowzers I'm sorry for the super long delay! I figured I'd left you all hanging long enough so here's the next chapter for you. As mentioned in the notes in the previous chapter I haven't been not writing, I've been doing my birthday prompts which sadly have taken a bit longer than expected to get done. I've only got two left to go then I'll be focusing on this one as it's time that it was completed :) Some of the stories that I've been writing for my birthday prompts I'll be publishing on here, I may have to alter some of them as I know a lot of people on here aren't into relationships between related characters but I'll change it so that it's acceptable for this site.**

**Anyway thanks for sticking with me, it's been a long journey which we will hopefully be seeing the end of soon :D**

**Special shout out to all the new followers/favouriters: SprinklingStardust0596, hanatsuki14, EractoNogesso, enough-to-let-me-go, emmanu78, DarkAngel1863, MeaghanA and Eliisa-chan, as well as everyone who's commented and favourited. You guys are awesome!**

**As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien**

* * *

It was the ringing in his ears that woke him, the constant high pitched whine making him groan in pain and rub at his ears in an effort to rid himself of the noise. Once it was down to a level where he could ignore it momentarily he opened his eyes, snapping them shut instantly as the sun directly above blinded him. He rolled onto his side and cracked his eyes once more and to his surprise saw boots hurrying towards him.

"-orin! Are yer alright lad?"

He looked up to find Dwalin looming over him with a look of concern before he was grabbed under the arm and hauled upwards, a heavy hand placed on his shoulder once he was standing to steady him. Blinking sluggishly Thorin watched as the bald warrior waved away an approaching dwarf, orders that were jumbled to his ears falling from his friend's lips and he looked around the clearing in a daze. The wargs had been slain; some of the dwarves beginning to remove the fur for what he assumed would be clothing or bedding, several Orcs including the leader were being bound and gagged before being dragged and secured to the trees whilst the rest had been killed and left scattered on the ground.

"-orin! Come on lad! We need yer with us!"

Thorin let out a groan, leaning on Dwalin and grateful for the assistance his shield brother offered as the world stopped spinning dizzily before him. The blast must have hit him the hardest, he decided, being as close to it as he had been would explain why he was only just waking. The moment he could focus he looked around the clearing fearfully for both of his nephews.

"Where are they? Dwalin where are they?!"

The bald warrior placed a hand on his shoulder to steady him as he lurched forwards in order to find them. "Kíli's fine Thorin, he's fine -"

"And what of Fíli?!"

"We're looking for -"

"THORIN!"

Kíli's scream had him looking over his shoulder in fear, adrenaline pumping through his veins as he stumbled towards the frantic cries of his nephew. His _youngest_ nephew, he thought with elation for he was an only child no longer. As he approached he felt his heart seize in his chest at the sight before him; Kíli kneeling on the ground and gently shaking the limp form of his brother in an effort to get some kind of response.

"Fíli? Fíli?! Mahal Fíli please wake up! Come on Fee don't leave me, not now!"

Thorin fell to his knees beside them, yelling at whoever was nearby to bring the medical bag. He placed trembling fingers against Fíli's neck hoping to find a pulse, some sign that he was still with them and almost choked in relief when he felt a feeble fluttering beneath the skin. Eyeing the barely moving chest he leaned forward, his ear hovering above Fíli's mouth to ensure he was still breathing and not fading away before their eyes and frowned when he only felt faint puffs of air.

"Where are the healing supplies?!" He yelled over his shoulder before turning back to examine the worst of the wounds. The moment Dwalin dropped down beside him with the bag in hand Kíli was there, digging through it for a cloth and bandages as Thorin settled the unconscious blond against his chest.

Together the two dwarves cleaned and wrapped the direst wounds as Thorin shouted orders to his companions; telling the guards to knock out their captives before bringing them to the town for interrogation whilst the others were to search for the other prisoner. Once the worst of the injuries had been treated Thorin scooped Fíli into his arms and stood, telling Dwalin and Kíli to follow him as he hurried as fast as he could down the track towards the horses. He knew they needed to get Fíli to Oin as soon as possible, that there were likely to be internal injuries that were caused when he was thrown by whatever had caused the burst of light which could kill him if left untreated.

He hurried to his pony, handing Fíli to Dwalin as he mounted before opening his arms and accepting his nephew back once he was seated. As he settled Fíli in front of him Kíli and Dwalin pulled themselves into their saddles, waiting for Thorin to secure the blond before snapping the reins and the three ponies took off, galloping as fast as they could back to the town.

Thorin tightened his arm around his limp nephew whilst his other hand held the rein in a crushing grip, praying to anyone that would listen to allow his nephew to live. It would be cruel to take Fíli from them so soon after getting him back, and he knew there would be no comforting Kíli should Fíli truly die.

He pressed a kiss to dirtied hair as the trees whipped past and hoped against hope they wouldn't be too late.

* * *

There had been cries of shock as the three charged through the open gates, dwarves and men alike scattering to avoid being trampled as the ponies were turned towards the Healers House, their pace never slowing. When they arrived at the house a healer who had been outside sweeping away the leaves by the front door looked up in alarm at the thundering hooves and seeing her King holding another dwarf she hurried inside, the broom clattering to the ground as her calls for help drifted back out the open door.

As Thorin, Dwalin and Kíli slowed their ponies Oin hurried from the house only to stumble when he laid eyes on the unconscious dwarf.

"By my beard! Is that -?"

"It is," Thorin agreed, handing Fíli down to the war master who immediately hurried inside with Kíli on his tail. "After all this time… he's alive Oin, but I fear he might not be for much longer."

The old healer nodded gravely, already hurrying inside and instructed a passing dwarf to send word to Dís that she was required immediately. The moment Dwalin had settled Fíli on a bed he shooed the three dwarves out of the room much to their annoyance and told them that his examinations would get done faster without them hovering or asking questions.

The door slammed shut and Kíli let out a growl, slamming his fists on the solid wood before beginning to pace angrily. He wanted to be with his brother, needed to be next to him to reassure himself that the dwarf in there was real, was the brother that he had mourned over.

"Kíli," Thorin's weary voice cut through the thoughts that were raging in his mind only serving to make him angrier. "Calm down inùdoy."

"How can I be calm when my brother lies unconscious in that room?!" Kíli snapped, pulling himself away from the hand that Dwalin tried to place on his shoulder. "How can you expect me to be calm when my brother, who you told me was _dead,_ is barely breathing?!"

Thorin watched his youngest nephew pace like a caged animal in front of the door, his hands clenched tightly at his side as he huffed every few seconds. At first he was confused, why would Kíli be this angry when they had just found Fíli? What on earth could have been said that made him this upset?

If he had voiced that question aloud with his sister around she surely would have smacked him over the head for the answer was exactly that. Kíli wasn't _angry_, he realised

He was terrified.

He strode forwards and pulled the brunet into his arms, holding him tightly until Kíli gave up struggling and sagged against him. It was then that he felt the tremors running through the small body in his arms and he rested his chin on top of Kíli's head, just managing now that they were similar in height.

"Shh Nûlukhel, your worries may be for nothing. Fíli is here with us, _alive_, it is more than I could have ever hoped for. Your brother is strong, and when he realises he's home he will awaken for he will be desperate to see you also."

"He's alive," Kíli sobbed quietly, "he's alive but we could still lose him. They hurt him uncle!"

"Kíli," Thorin said, quietly but firmly as he pulled away to hold the crying brunet at arm's length so they could look each other in the eye. "Your brother will pull through. He's survived a year with those creatures and he's still alive. If that doesn't convince you he's a fighter I don't know what will. Have faith -"

Whatever else he had been planning on saying Kíli would never know because at that moment the front door to the Healing House flew open, Dís bursting through the doorway followed by Balin. Both dwarves paused when they laid eyes on their family members, confusion clear on their faces as they walked forwards slowly.

"Dís -"

"I don't understand," Dís said with a frown, "we assumed one of you had been hurt when we were told to come quickly but you're… fine."

"It's not us who were injured Dís," Thorin said quietly as he squeezed the back of his nephews neck gently before moving towards her.

"Then who -"

"Fíli."

Dís looked between her brother, son and friend before scoffing, shaking her head as she did so.

"Fíli is dead Thorin, or have you forgotten all we have been through in the last year?"

"It seems I was wrong. He's been a prisoner of the orcs that attacked him and Kíli all this time. He- he's _alive_ Dís."

Kíli watched his mother's chin begin to tremble as the tears quickly gathered in her dark eyes, prompting him to hurry forward and wrap his arms around her needing the comfort her presence would always bring when the door opened and Oin stepped out. A sinking feeling settled in the young dwarf's chest as the healer wiped the blood on his hands onto a cloth, looking at them as he did so with an unreadable expression.

"How is he?" Thorin asked, his deep voice breaking the tense silence.

"He's alive," the old dwarf said finally, raising his trumpet to his ear so they could talk properly. "I've sown his wounds shut and checked him over for potential internal injuries but until he wakes it'll be too hard to tell."

"How bad is he?" Kíli piped up, his hand gripping his mothers in fear.

Oin looked at them for a moment before sighing. "I think the better question lad, is what injuries doesn't he have? To cut a long story short the lad has been beaten and tortured. Repeatedly. I'm guessing you saw how some if not all of the newer ones were caused, but his entire torso, especially his back tells its own story as to what he's been through. I've checked for broken bones and there don't seem to be any, although I'm concerned about his ribs as they may be cracked so we've wrapped them to be safe until he wakes and I can find out more."

"He will wake won't he?" Dís asked hesitantly, her free hand clutched over her heart as though it could somehow lessen the pain and confusion inside.

"I'm not sure yet milady. I've tried a few different things to wake him or get some kind of response but there was nothing. If he wakes, and I do stress _if_, he's going to need time to recover, both physically and mentally. We can't expect him to be himself for a very long time, or ever really, as I'm sure you're all aware. Once Rûnai has finished washing him she'll let you in to see him, I'll be putting poultices together for the lad if you need me."

* * *

It was some time before they were finally allowed in to see him. The young dwarrowdam tasked with cleaning him had taken her time, assessing every injury, every scar as Oin had instructed and washed away as much dirt and grime as she could.

Whilst they waited Gloin had arrived, telling Thorin all the Orcs had been locked up and a guard set to which the king in exiled offered his thanks and assured him that he'd be along soon to deal with the foul creatures just as soon as they had seen Fíli.

The wait seemed to take forever, and just when Kíli was threatening to break the door down damage be damned, it opened. Rûnai stepped out and gave them all a smile, moving to the side as they hurried through and closing it behind her quietly to give the family some much needed privacy.

The silence in the room was deafening as Thorin, Kíli, Dís, Dwalin and Balin made their way to the bed, only the occasional crackle or pop of the fire burning away in the corner breaking it. The curtains had been drawn, casting a dim light over the bed where the cause of their worry lay. Dís choked on a sob the moment she laid eyes on her son seeing him lying there; alive and real and so very broken.

"Oh my boy," she whispered, her hand finding one of his as she brought it up to her lips, placing a gentle kiss on the bony appendage.

As Thorin gazed down at Fíli he fought to swallow the bile that rose at the sight of the injustice done to his nephew. His hair was uneven, shorn in some areas and torn out or cut in others, his skin was mottled with scars, bruises and burns which were made even more prominent with the pale colour of his skin. He was thin; muscles that had been honed for battle for years had deteriorated away from the months of torture he had suffered leaving him looking bony and fragile, as though a single hit could shatter him and the bags under his eyes as well as hollowness of his cheeks, barely disguised by the blond scruff that was splotchy from being hacked away only further emphasised what he had suffered.

"Oh Fee," Kíli whispered as he lightly touched his brothers forehead. "What have they done to you Khâzash?"

A muffled shout from outside the room had the dwarves turning in concern and they watched as the door was pushed open to see a tall female stumble through inside, dried blood covering her face as she weakly tried to remove the hands of the healers that were protesting and grabbing at her.

"It's her!" Kíli gasped in sudden recognition, surging forwards as the woman fell to her knees with a groan. "Uncle it's the other prisoner!"

* * *

**inùdoy - son**  
**Nûlukhel – moon of all moons**  
**Khâzash - brother**


	21. Return Home, Return To Me

**A/N: Hello? Oh hello! Blimey it's been just under three months since I updated this! I do apologise for that, for those of you who don't know I decided to do a birthday prompts thing for my 22nd birthday on AO3 which somehow ended up going on for three months lol. The 22 stories that people gave me prompts for kinda snowballed into 100k+ words which I was shocked by as I don't think I've ever written that much before. However I thoroughly enjoyed it and I hope that after some editing I can share them with you on here also. However most (actually all of them) are slash ones so whether people read that kinda stuff on here I'm not sure but I shall put it up regardless. **

**I've been working on this since I completed the birthday fics, however I went home for a holiday for two weeks so I was only doing bits and pieces but I'm back now and hopefully writing will happen a little faster and this will be completed soon! I've also gone and edited the first two chapters as because this was my 2nd ever story my writing wasn't as good as it is now so I've gone and changed some words around because I'm nitpicky and wanted it to flow a bit better :)**

**A special shout out to the new followers/favouriters: lederra, reach4theskye, BitterStrength, Celtic Spacey, Noxy the Proxy and Brave Wolf Heart, as well as all the current followers/favouriters, you guys are awesome!**

* * *

It was though she had awoken from a trance when she found herself at the entrance to one of the buildings within the settlement. Her body was aching, her breathing sharp and shallow and the blood was pounding furiously behind her eyes making it difficult to concentrate.

She had vague recollections of how she had gotten there, less still of how she'd known where Fíli was but pegged it to the fact she had become so attuned to her companion that the whole of Arda could stand between them and she'd find her way back to him.

As she pushed the door to the house open she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the window and would have laughed at the ghastly sight if she wasn't so sore; the dirt covered and bloodied skin that was pulled taught over bones showed a mere phantom of what she had looked like before she had been captured, and the way her hair had been hacked over the past year made her think she resembled a wraith rather than one of the everlasting beauty that was her kin.

The moment she stumbled inside she was met with cries of surprise and a flurry of movement as dwarves converged on her, but she paid little attention to their ramblings as she made her way forwards, heart sensing and eyes searching for her friend.

Eventually she came to a stop before a closed door and Amber felt Fíli's spirit resting within; the fragile and gentle light she had done everything in her power to protect over the year hovering uncertainly as though it wasn't sure whether it was meant to hold on like it wished or whether it was supposed to move on.

She called out to him with her mind, enveloping him with her love and warmth and felt him respond in relief.

"_Hold on little one,"_ she thought tiredly as her body wavered in front of the door. _"Your journey is not yet over; you are home surround by those that love you."_

She smiled when his spirit sighed in relief. _"I can feel them,"_ he admitted _"but I'm unsure of how to return to them."_

A mistake she would rectify immediately. Fíli had been away from his family for so long she knew it was time to bring him back to them once and for all.

She took a deep breath only to whimper when pain exploded in her chest, feeling her broken ribs shift and grind and dig into things they shouldn't. She ignored the shouting of the healers that had crowded around her without her realising and pushed open the door, only to stumble through as her legs decided to stop working and she tried to push away the hands of the dwarves that were intent on keeping her away from her goal.

"It's her!" A young voice gasped and she looked up wearily to see a brunet staring at her in shock as she fell to her knees. "Uncle it's the other prisoner!"

There was a flurry of movement as she tried and failed to stand again and she suddenly found her way blocked by dwarves, some looking at her in concern and others in fury.

"Move, please," she mumbled, weakly brushing off the hands of those who grabbed at her as she slowly stood again. "Please, I need to get to Fíli."

"You ain't coming anywhere near 'im!"

Amber looked up at the bald dwarf that was glowering at her, his axe cradled in his hands and she knew he'd have no hesitation using on her if he deemed her a threat.

"Enough Dwalin!" A softer but no less powerful voice scolded and Amber turned her head slightly to see a dark haired dwarrrowdam coming over slowly with a gentle smile on her face.

"Are you alright child?"

She nodded weakly as the dwarf stopped before her, hoping she was important enough to allow her close to Fíli so that she could help him. She expected questions, a demand for an explanation as to who she was and why she was there only to be surprised when the female stood in front of her and cupped her face gently in one of her hands.

The room fell silent as dwarf and elf stared at one another, the 'dams eyes searching the battered and bruised face in front of her intently.

"Your eyes have been witness to horrors we couldn't possibly begin to imagine," the dwarrowdam murmured with a small shake of her head. "What happened to you child?"

"A prison of wood, fire and steel my lady," she replied hoarsely. "Held captive at the hands of creatures that enjoyed making us suffer until we passed out and treated us like the dirt they trekked upon, all before we could be delivered as the prize they intended us to be to their leader."

"Call me Dís, please." Dís told her after she managed to process the horrifying fact that her son and his friend were to be given to another creature like cattle for slaughter. "Now tell me, why does my son lie unconscious with no sign of waking?"

It suddenly made sense why none of the other dwarves had interrupted her. No one would stand between a mother and her child, and no one would dare deny her access to the one who could save him.

"The fault is mine -" Amber began quietly and it was then one of the older dwarves stepped forward with a snarl.

"What have you done to him?!"

"Thorin!" Dís snapped, turning to glare at the dwarf in question. "Let her explain."

_Thorin Oakenshield, uncrowned heir and future king of the Lonely Mountain_ her mind supplied for future use. "I did the only thing I could my Lord," she continued, her voice just as quiet and pain filled as it had been before. "When we realised we were close to his home I called upon the magic I possess to create a concussive explosion that would knock our captors down long enough for us to make our escape and try to find help or shelter. If we were to escape, that was our only chance."

"Then why didn't it work?" A young brunet asked softly from beside Fíli, his hands holding those of the unconscious dwarf tightly.

"Because a blast like that needs to build enough in power before it can be released, but you found us and triggered the spell early before I had the chance to use it." Amber closed her eyes against an explosion of pain that swept through her body, breathing heavily to fend of the unconsciousness that was attempting to swallow her. She needed to help him immediately, because if they stopped her from helping Fíli any longer she had no idea what would happen. "The protection I was putting around Fíli and myself wasn't completed and so we were affected too, Fíli more so because I created it. That is why I need to go to him, I need to reverse my magic or he may never wake."

She missed the looks of fear on the faces of the other dwarves, so focused she was on Dís and when the dwarrowdam nodded she let out a soft sigh of relief.

"Thank you," she whispered, accepting the hand that Dís extended to help her to her feet.

Amber knew little about dwarves, aside from what she'd learned by talking to and watching Fíli, but the kindness that Dís continued to show her as she was helped to the blonde's side in the form of the comforting and steady hands that were ready to catch her lest she fall was both a great surprise and very welcome.

Dís waited until she sat on the edge of Fíli's bed before moving away, but before she could even start helping her friend the dwarrowdam returned, a large mug of water from the nearby pitcher in her hand.

"You look like you need it," Dís told her with a small smile, nodding in satisfaction when she all but snatched the mug from her hands and downed the drink quickly. The cold water on her raw throat made her want to sob in happiness but instead she gave Dís a crooked smile before turning back to Fíli.

"It will take some time for him to wake," Amber told the room at large. "We have both been through much and Fíli needs time to recover. He will wake, that I promise you. But it will take time, and no small amount of patience on your behalf." She turned to look at each of the dwarves in turn, her gaze landing on the youngest dwarf who hadn't left Fíli's side last. "You are Kíli, yes?" At the small nod Amber reached over and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "He will come back to you, and he will need your help recovering in ways you are yet to understand. But you mustn't push him to explain things he is not comfortable talking about at first, just remind him he is home and more importantly that he is safe. It's been a long time since he's known what that word means."

"I will," Kíli promised.

"We all will," Thorin added quietly.

Knowing that the dwarves would heed her request she turned back to Fíli, gazing down at the lax face and the sight near broke her heart.

Despite her best efforts over the year Fíli's face, whether in sleep or unconsciousness, had always had some form of pain etched into it. Sometimes it was the way his brow was lightly furrowed, others it was the soft whimpers that slipped passed his lips or the way stray tears would slip from his eyes.

But lying here, surrounded by those he loved and who loved him in return he looked utterly at peace.

With a shaky breath full of emotion as well as pain she leaned over and pressed their foreheads together, one hand coming up to cup his face and the other holding the hand closest to her and lifting it so their entwined fingers lay against her heart.

"_Echuia mellon-nin, echuia. Tolo bâr, noss-lein ná ardë."_

A shuddery breath escaped her as she felt the last of her strength and magic move from her to Fíli through their connected hands, a wave of warmth leaving her exhausted body cold and shaking as it settled in the golden dwarf and helped him breathe easier immediately.

Pressing a gentle kiss to Fíli's forehead she pulled away, turning to face the group watching her intently. Her body was failing, her mind and what little remained of her magic drawing her into her body where she was safe and protected and could recover uninterrupted. With a rapidly darkening vision she gave Dís what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

"I-"

She wanted to say more, tried to in fact but before her mind could even attempt to form a single sound she lost her battle against the darkness that lingered on the periphery and slumped alongside Fíli's legs unconscious.

* * *

Dís was the first to move. The moment the elf collapsed she was there beside her, checking to see if she was still breathing while the others watched with bated breath.

"Is she…" Kíli asked, unsure if he wanted to know the answer. He, like the others knew that Fíli's life rested with her and if she'd died before reversing whatever she had done to him…

Dís looked at her youngest son and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "She's alive," she said with a small smile, which grew to a large one of relief when she heard the difference in her oldest son's breathing. "And I have no doubt she has hel ped Fíli. Listen."

They did, and there were exclamations of joy as the laboured breathing of the blond had been replaced with a soft but steady puffs.

"Thank Mahal," Thorin whispered, grinning at Dwalin as he clapped him on the shoulder.

"Mahal has nothing to do with this brother," Dís reminded him quietly, looking over at both dwarves with a stern look. "We have my son back, alive, because of an elf. You would do well to remember that when they both wake for what has happened here today is nothing short of a miracle. Now if you and Dwalin would be so kind as to help me get her to a spare room and bed until we can acquire a human-sized one would be much appreciated."

Animosity between their races could be damned as far as she was concerned. The elf, which she had yet to learn the name of, had saved her son and the least she could do was have her placed in a comfortable bed whilst her body recovered its strength.  
Kíli waited at his brother's side while the older dwarves and several healers carefully (Dís loudly threatened bodily harm to any dwarf who might 'accidentally' hurt her any more than she already was) carried the unconscious elf from the room.

The moment the room was empty Kíli broke down.

"Oh Fee," he sobbed quietly as he buried his face in his brother's chest, "I've missed you so much nadad. I thought you gone and had taken the happiness of the world with you yet here you are; beaten, bloodied but alive. Please Fee, please wake up. I can't live without you, I learned that the hard way and I never want to experience it again. Please come back to me brother."

Unfortunately for him Fíli remained still, his chest rising and falling steadily beneath Kíli's head but it was a gentle motion Kíli wouldn't have traded for anything in the world. Because moving meant Fíli was alive, and he refused to lose him a second time.

He heard footsteps and quickly wiped his eyes, taking a moment to press a kiss to his brother's forehead before straightening up just as the door opened and his mother walked through.

Dís paused upon entering and at the sight of her youngest with red eyes and tears staining his cheeks she hurried over. "Oh darling," she said softly, wrapping her arms around her baby and pulling him into a hug. "It's ok sweetheart."

"He's alive mama," Kíli replied, a hand coming up to squeeze her arm as tears spilled from his eyes once again. "He's alive."

"And he'll be excited to see you once he wakes," she assured him as she dropped a kiss in his hair. "You're his world Gimlith, and not knowing you were alive would have been as painful for him as his fate has been for us."

"So don't expect to be allowed out of his sight any time soon." Mother and son turned towards the door where Thorin stood watching them quietly with a soft look on his face. "Knowing you survived... You'll be hard pushed to find a moment alone for a long time."

"That's ok," Kíli said quietly as he glanced at his brother. "I don't think I could let him out of my sight either."

The room fell silent, the little family listening to Fíli's steady breathing as though it were the sweetest music the whole of Middle Earth had to offer for they knew that each steady breath brought Fíli closer to waking.

A knock on the door behind Thorin had them turning to see Dwalin standing there, a grim look of his tired face as he nodded at his leader.

"They're ready," the warrior said gruffly. "Tied up outsida town like you asked."

Dís looked between her brother and friend questioningly. "Who's tied up? Thorin?"

"We captured some of the beasts that took Fíli alive so that we can 'question' them about where they were going and repay them for the kindness they have shown him the last year."

It wasn't lost on any of them just what kind of questioning Thorin intended to carry out, and the chilling tone in which he spoke assured them the older dwarf wouldn't hesitate to make them suffer should they try and withhold any information.

Kíli looked between his brother and uncle before nodding to himself and looking at Thorin resolutely. "I want to come with you."

Thorin had already suspected that he would but he couldn't help but check. "Are you sure? What if Fíli wakes?"

"Then I expect someone to come fetch us the moment he begins to stir. We'll be lucky if he recognises us or where he is straight away uncle, and those creatures deserve to pay for what they've done to my brother. Fíli won't be in any shape to repay them for what they did to him but I certainly can."

Dís squeezed his shoulder gently. "Are you sure?"

He didn't answer and he had no need to. The fire in his eyes that had been absent for so long burned bright and fierce telling Dís all she needed to know. She looked to Thorin who nodded in return, both dwarves knowing there was little they could do to sway him.

"Alright Kíli," Thorin agreed. "Let's get this over with."

The brunet pressed a last kiss to his brother's forehead, lingering for a moment before pulling away and moving to stand beside his Uncle.

"Let's go."

* * *

_**Echuia mellon-nin, echuia. Tolo bâr, noss-lein ná ardë. = Wake up my friend, wake up. Come home, your family is beside you.**_

_**echuia - wake up**_  
_**mellon-nin – my friend**_  
_**Tolo – come**_  
_**bâr - home**_  
_**noss - family**_  
_**-lein - your**_  
_**ná - is**_  
_**ardë - beside you**_

_**Gimlith - star that is young  
**_

_**I kinda pieced this together using a few different Elvish/Sindarin dictionaries so I apologise if it's not 100% correct. Also I ended up using this because I was limited in the words that actually had translations so sorry if it's not exactly something amazing for Amber to say :)**_


	22. You Don't Mess With Family

**A/N: Ok so like, wow. This got written a hell of a lot faster than I expected. Probably because this didn't stick to what I had planned for the chapter AT ALL. Ah well it's done and out of the way and came out WAAAAY better than I thought it would. Although in saying that... Kili kinda wrote himself in this and holy crap is he vicious. There's no super explicit descriptions of torture although he does take a sick kind of pleasure out of what he's doing for revenge. So... yeah. If it makes you a tad squeamish maybe read between your fingers further down. You'll know when.**

**Anywho, after this I have this sudden realisation that completing this won't be as hard or as complicated as I feared! Hooray!**

**Special shout out to the new follower shadowbella987, as well as ncis-lady for the lovely review! I'm so glad you liked the part between Dis and Amber, I think Dis realised how much Amber has come to care for Fili just by her determination to get to him when she could barely stand, and if Amber can bring him back to them why would she turn her away? And Kili's part just felt so... let's just say it needed to happen. He's in shock and hasn't really had the chance to process it yet by himself. He'll deal with it, but first he's got a few things to 'discuss' with the Orcs O.o  
**

**Also thanks to all the current followers and favouriters who are still reading! You guys are awesome!**

* * *

_Pain._

_Agony._

_Nothing existed in this void of darkness. Nothing served to make his nerves scream or his flesh burn as it was torn apart time and again as it had for so long._

_It was just peaceful bliss._

_It was silent where he was. The endless darkness that enveloped him like a dark cloud, as though it stood between him and whatever fate awaited._

_**Fíli.**_

_The whisper of a voice cut through the silence like a knife, quietly echoing all around him like a breath of wind. He knew that voice, the one he had come to associate with safety and gentle when everything else burned around him._

_**Amber?**_

_A sudden rush of warmth and love surrounded him like the thickest blanket, the softest feathers. Even here in the darkness she was trying to save him, look out for him._

_But why?_

_Wasn't this the end? Wasn't it time for him to move on, go to the Halls of his Forefathers like he should have all those months ago?_

_**Hold on little one, your journey is not yet over; you are home surround by those that love you.**_

_Family? He had a family. Somewhere, once upon a time. But he wasn't with them anymore; he'd been taken far away where he'd never see them again –_

_Wait._

_No._

_They'd made their way back towards the Blue Mountains because of the letter the Orc had received from his master ordering him to take his prisoners to Forlindon._

_Amber said that he was home, surrounded by those who loved him. That meant her plan worked, that they'd been found. The smells that assaulted his nose, although faint were familiar; smoke, freshly baked bread, fresh flowers from the meadow, cedar wood… they were smells that reminded him of family. Reminded him of home._

_As though on cue new voices brushed past him, making his head turn ever so slightly in an effort to hear just what they were saying. But the words were mumbled, as though cotton had been stuffed in his ears making them harder to hear._

_What he lacked in hearing however was made up by a tingling in his hands, the occasional brush of warmth across his forehead; whether from lips or fingers he did not know._

_**I can feel them,**__for whom else could they be but those he never thought he'd see again? His mother and Uncle… how was he to explain what happened? How was he to tell them what happened to Kíli and beg their forgiveness for not saving him like he had sworn to do?__** But I'm unsure of how to return to them.**_

_A last, gentle brush of warmth for reassurance and then she was gone._

_He turned when a tiny pinprick of light pierced through the darkness, shielding his eyes as it pulsed softly before him. Unsure of where else to go Fíli walked towards it, revelling in the ease with which he could move here. If he had been awake every step would have had him on the verge of screaming as his flesh stretched and pulled because of fresh wounds._

_The closer he got, the brighter the light became until he was bathed in its soft golden glow. He reached out to touch it, to see if it was as warm as it looked and the moment his finger brushed it a wave of warmth hit him, like a wall of water crashing over him._

_He closed his eyes as it carried him away._

* * *

The small group was silent as they left the healer's cottage, Kíli choosing to walk behind Thorin and Dwalin in an effort to gather his thoughts. His brother was back, alive but not yet conscious, and they had his captor and some of his pack in custody awaiting what Kíli was determined to make a painful ending to their miserable lives.

It was no less than they deserved.

Seeing Fíli strung up in that clearing, whimpering and pleading for the Orc to stop made his blood boil just thinking about it. He had thought the last year had been unbearable; often coming close to wanting to throw it all in to make the pain in his heart stop but seeing Fíli there beaten, bloodied and so defeated… he knew what he felt came nowhere close to what his brother went through.

"Kíli?"

He looked up to find Thorin and Dwalin had stopped before the gates and were looking at him, sympathy and understanding on their faces.

"What?" He asked irritably, having an inkling as to what they might say but right now his blood was boiling too close to the surface for manners to matter.

He had Orcs to torture.

"Yer ok lad?"

He glared at Dwalin, squaring his shoulders as he drew himself up to his full height. "My brother lies in a bed unconscious, unmoving and so badly beaten that he is near unrecognisable. My brother has been held prisoner for a year, where he was starved, tortured and Mahal-knows what else for entertainment and sport and his only companion has been an elf who isn't much better off. And just beyond these gates are the scum who are the reason for his suffering so no, Dwalin, I am not 'alright', but once I separate their wretched heads from their miserable shoulders I will be!"

His last sentence finished in a growl so feral Thorin stepped forwards and placed a restraining hand on his nephew's shoulders.

"Enough Kíli," he scolded gently, giving the young dwarf a small shake. "We know you're upset about what happened to him, we are too and we will make these bastards pay. But right now I need your attention here and now because you are no good to us if you're focusing only on revenge. Once we find out why Fíli was taken and where their final destination was, then we will step aside and you can take all your frustration out on them. Am I understood?"

After taking several deep breaths Kíli nodded, closing his eyes briefly before looking at the older dwarves apologetically. "M'sorry," he mumbled. "I just – there are so many thoughts and feelings running through my mind and I…" he trailed off, not sure how to explain what he was truly feeling.

Thankfully both dwarves seemed to understand what he couldn't say. "We know little one," Thorin said kindly. "We know." He pressed a kiss to his nephew's forehead before taking a deep breath of his own. "Come, let us show these foul creatures just what happens when they mess with our family."

If anyone had told Thorin what his day held for him the moment he woke up he would have laughed in their face.

As it was, standing on the side-lines watching his nephew take revenge for what had been done to his brother whilst he himself processed the information the Orc had given up had not been at the top of his list for likely scenarios. The fact that the Orc pack had been ordered to travel to Forlindon with their captives worried him; an Orc that could not only orchestrate the capture and torture of a dwarf for over a year as well as having a master to answer too so close to home didn't sit well with him at all.

"We need to go to Forlindon," he told Dwalin quietly, pausing when the Orc Kíli was busy with let out a roar of pain. "If their destination was indeed there then there's a strong chance he's raided the town or is lying low nearby. Either way we need to find him and kill him before he harms anyone else."

Dwalin nodded absently, his focus still on the younger dwarf who was in the process of carving chunks of flesh from the Orc, asking him how it felt to be ripped apart. "'ow do yer want to play it then?" he asked. "Send a bunch o' troops to deal with it or lead 'em yerself? Fíli could wake any time an' yer wouldn't be there for 'im if yer go."

It was a valid point. On the one hand if he went he knew he'd not only extract any information that was to be had but he'd also make this Orc suffer for ordering the capture of his nephew and heir and the pain he'd put them all through since then.

On the other hand he'd miss Fíli waking, if he did as the elf had promised, and helping him through the beginning stages of his recovery.

"Y'know I'm with yer whatever yer decide."

"I know," he agreed, smirking when Kíli swung his sword and decapitated the Orc before nodding to the guards to bring forth another one. He was pleased to note the furious expression on the pack leaders face as his nephew hacked his way through the others. Saving the lead Orc till last was what Kíli had decided. "But killing that filth, it won't mean anything to Fíli if he finds out just any old guard did it. It needs to be made personal to help him move on, to know he's safe because we are the only ones he fully trusts and he knows we wouldn't lie to him."

The bald warrior turned to observe his friend who was in turn watching his nephew. "That may have been the Fíli from before Thorin," he reminded him quietly. "But the lad's been through a lot, it could very well be that the only person 'e trusts right now is that elf lying unconscious a few rooms away."

A grunt of annoyance was all the response he got and he rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest as they watched Kíli slice open an Orc and wrench its guts from its body.

"Lad's got a lot of anger," he noted quietly. It was slightly disturbing to see the normally level-headed boy reduced to a terrifying animal, taking joy in the suffering of his prey.

Thorin shrugged, beyond caring how others might judge his nephew for his actions. "Can you blame him? He blamed himself for the better part of a year thinking his brother's death was his fault only to find out it was staged. If that had been Dís or Frerin…" He stumbled over his long dead brother's name, the pain in his heart every time he said it a constant reminder for how badly he'd failed him. "Let's just say I know what he's feeling, and its best he takes that anger out now on those who deserve it than later on those who don't. Besides, if Fíli will believe anyone that they suffered… he'll believe Kíli."

"Might be a good idea to remind the guards of that then."

Thorin looked to where Dwalin had briefly nodded and smirked at the nervousness on their faces. They'd never seen his youngest lose control like this, and rather than assuring them all would be fine he decided to leave it as just maybe word would spread, and those select few who were determined to make life a misery for the young brunet would be discouraged from future mockeries.

"Eh," he said nonchalantly, "they'll deal with it. Let them spread rumours if they wish, but it will be in the back of all their minds that he is ruthless when it comes to interrogations and defending his brother, a skill he will need when Fíli becomes king and Kíli his right hand."

Dwalin could help but nod at that. "Aye, that he will."

* * *

"Bind him!"

With his face utterly expressionless Kíli watched as two of the guards dragged the leader of the Orc pack forward and tied him to the post that not two seconds ago had held the remains of another orc. Said leader struggled violently, spitting curses and trying to bite the guards as they secured him.

The Orc was furious.

Good.

He liked furious. Furious meant he would get a reaction, a fight and _oh how he wanted one_.

Stepping forward he circled the creature slowly, a mocking smile dancing on his lips. "Comfortable?"

When the Orc cursed at him in black speech, pulling at his bonds violently he couldn't help but chuckle mirthlessly. "No? Good." He collected a whip that had been slung over the railing of the fence, barely able to swallow back the bile as he looked over it. It wasn't of dwarvish make, their people not cruel enough to use it on dwarf or animal flesh. Instead this crude and vile piece of equipment had been collected from the Orcs campsite, still dripping with fresh blood from when the orc before him had used it on his brother.

"I'm going to take you apart, piece by miserable piece until you are begging for mercy and even then I will continue. I swear, I will be the last thing you ever see as you are torn apart by my hands for what you did to my brother."

Because of the vile creature he was Kíli knew the Orc wouldn't show fear to his threats. What he didn't expect was the maniacal laughter his threat received instead.

"You know nothin' dwarfling," Scarface sneered. "You think you know what your brother went through by _my_ hands? You couldn't even begin to imagine."

"Shut up."

It was a breathed response but clearly the fuel the Orc needed for his fire. "Should I tell you of 'ow we near gutted 'im when we first captured 'im?"

"Shut. Up."

"Should I tell you of 'ow I tore the flesh from 'is back over and over and over again with the same whip you dare to threaten me with? Or what 'is flesh smelled like -"

"Shut up!"

"- As it burned and bubbled on the end of my sword? Or perhaps…" the Orc sniggered, licking its lips as though the mere thought made his mouth water.

"You want to know 'ow 'e screamed for me to end it, reduced to the pathetic little princess -"

Kíli had had enough. "SHUT UP!" he roared, swinging the whip down and bringing it across the Orcs face and getting a howl of pain in return. He moved in quickly, one hand wrapping around its throat whilst the other dropped the whip in favour of removing the knife from his belt. "_I will make you suffer_," he swore, each word enunciated slowly and clearly as he brought the knife up until it was level with the Orcs face.

"An eye for an eye is a favourite saying of mine. So why don't we start there?"


	23. Return Of Hope And Sunshine

**A/N: Hello everyone! Sorry this update has taken so long to happen! I've been busy writing a heap of Almighty Johnson/Being human stories over on AO3 that this kind of got pushed to the side, but I'm back and I have this chapter plus the next one written, so the next update shouldn't be as big a wait as that this chapter was. ******After the super intense and highly unexpected turn of events from last chapter (yes even to me) I figured it was time for something a little more light hearted. **Hope you like it, we're finally approaching the end. Hooray!**

**Special shout out to the new followers/favouriters: hdwb, LeoHamato, Hannahrachelle, Truthful nomad, Mhyin, ValarenOfGondor and ElizabethSnow17, as well as all the current followers, you guys are awesome!**

* * *

The soft thud of a book closing echoed in the silent room. Rubbing tiredly at his eyes Kíli stretched in his armchair, sighing happily as his joints popped and he looked like a cat that had just woken from a satisfying nap.

Feeling somewhat boneless he placed the book on the table before straightening the covers on the bed from where he'd accidentally kicked them, his fingers brushing over his brother's still ones. It had been almost a week since they had found Fíli and brought him home, a week since the elf had done her magic on him and a week since they'd moved him and his friend from the healer's cottage to their own home.

But he still hadn't woken.

There had been a moment, several hours after he and Thorin had returned from disposing of their prisoners that he'd shown any sign of life; a faint flutter of eyelashes and a soft whimper of pain before going still again leaving the small family deflated and disappointed, but with a glimmer of hope slightly bigger than before.

"Come on Fee," he murmured, more to himself than the motionless dwarf before him. "You can wake up any time now nadad."

But Fíli remained oblivious to everything around him. In a sudden burst of absolute childish nonsense and little brother antics he leaned forwards, eyes darting around the room to ensure he was alone before poking Fíli in the cheek and withdrawing just as quickly. He couldn't help the frown that appeared when it triggered no response. Poking his brother had been something he delighted in when he was younger when he wanted attention and it never failed to get Fíli to notice him, whether it was a scolding, a chuckle or a twitching lip that showed he was trying to pretend Kíli wasn't there.

He tried again, this time pushing on Fíli's nose and moving it up and despite his best intentions he couldn't help the snort of laughter that escaped, only to let out a strangled shriek when a knock on the door sounded behind him.

Looking up he found himself staring back at his mother's raised eyebrows and he grinned back innocently, putting on his best smile.

"Hello mama," he greeted cheerfully, only to grumble and rub his forehead where she flicked him as she sat on the edge of the bed. His eyes lit up at the sight of the butter and jam filled scone she held and cooed in delight as she handed it over.

"Hello katagilemul habanuh," she replied, shaking her head fondly and turned to smooth down Fíli's hair that had curled out of control after the sponge bath they gave him that morning. "Aside from tormenting your brother what have you been up to?"

He swallowed his mouthful, his tongue darting out to chase some of the butter that escaped. "Just been reading to Fee," he told her before taking another bite. "Got through a good portion but my mouth was starting to hurt."

Dís chuckled at the admission and dodged his half-hearted attempt at slapping her knee. "I think this is the first time you've ever had that happen to you!" she teased. "My youngest son has finally been defeated by his own mouth! Whatever is this world coming too?"

"Hush you," Kíli said with a roll of his eyes. "You aren't one to talk. Gift of the gab right there."

"Oi!"

"It's a wonder Uncle Thorin managed to put up with you all these years, not a day of silence since you were born I bet," he continued with a mock sigh only to yelp when his leg was given a painful pinch. "Ow!"

"You are no better thank you very much," his mother huffed, a smile betraying her. "Pot and kettle son, pot and kettle."

After sharing a giggle they fell into a peaceful silence, fiddling with their fingers or glancing over at the slumbering blond occasionally in the hopes he would miraculously wake under their watchful eye.

When it was clear Fíli was content to stay as he was Dís looked over at her other son who was slowly making his way through his treat. "Why don't you take your bow outside?" she asked him eventually. "You haven't taken it out for a while and it's a nice day."

Kíli turned to look out the window and noted with some surprise that his mother was correct; a cloudless sky and chattering birds were what would greet him should he venture outside for the first time in ages.

But, as expected, it wasn't where he wanted to be.

"Nah," he told her with a shake of his head, snuggling into the armchair as though to help drive his point home further. "I'm happy here. Besides, I don't want to go outside in case Fee wakes up and I'm not there."

Dís bit her lip, knowing the conversation she'd had with Oin earlier would break her baby boy's heart. "Sweetheart," she said quietly, "Oin thinks he might not wake, that his body may have shut down from the pain and it's only whatever the elf did that's keeping him alive."

The change that overcame the young brunet was clear for all to see. Where he'd been relaxed and smiling mere seconds ago, his back had snapped straight and looked at her with a fixed stare. "Oin knows nothing," he ground out.

"He's a healer Kíli -"

"A healer of _dwarven_ ailments," Kíli snapped. "This is beyond his knowledge amad. The elf said she'd help him and we have to hold onto that."

"Sweetheart -"

Kíli glared at her and she remained silent, knowing whatever she said would only fall on deaf ears.

The young dwarf took a deep breath and his shoulders sagged as he exhaled. "I will take the word of an immortal that has been with my brother for a year, _helping him_ for a year over the word of our own kin," he told her quietly. "I can't give up on him amad. I thought I lost him and now I have him back and I need to hold onto the hope that he'll wake up and everything will eventually go back to normal. Besides, Fee would never give up on me so why should I give up on him?"

"I know sweetheart and I understand," she said with a kind smile, unbothered by Kíli's outburst. If anyone had a right to be angry and optimistic it was him, she just hoped he'd be able to cope if Fíli didn't pull through.

The young dwarf reached over and took her hand in one of his own, squeezing gently in apology. She squeezed back before turning to begin the daily examination of checking for any sores that may have appeared on Fíli's body whilst Kíli finished off his scone.

"Has the elf shown any sign of waking?" Kíli asked hopefully as he licked his fingers, regretting that there wasn't a second one.

Dís frowned at a sore she found that hadn't been there that morning. "Not yet, although she's looking better every day," she answered distractedly. "We may have to turn your brother, it seems his body is finally starting to rebel against lying down for so long."

Just as Kíli stood to help Fíli let out a soft whimper, tears slipping from beneath closed eyelids. The two dwarves froze, hands hovering over the blond afraid to touch yet dying to comfort him all the same.

"Fee?" Kíli called, his voice shaky. "Fee can you hear me?"

At first there was nothing. Fíli remained silent as though he hadn't stirred seconds before until –

"Kee…"

It was so quiet; as though it were a breath of wind ruffling their hair but it brought light back to the two dwarves eyes that had faded out over the last few days.

"Go fetch your uncle Nûlukhel," Dís told him breathlessly, her eyes never leaving her golden son's face. "He will want to know Fíli is moving, he could very well be waking."

Kíli didn't bother answering; he simply pressed a kiss to his brother's cheek before sprinting out the door. Heart hammering and mind racing he hurtled down the cobblestoned streets, ignoring dwarf and man alike that yelled at him to slow down as they leapt out of the way. They mattered little right then; the only thing that was important was finding Thorin and bringing him home.

Fíli would need all his family around when he woke.

Eventually he made it to the meeting house and threw himself at the entrance, the wooden door slamming open as he barrelled inside.

" –pefully have no -" whatever Thorin had been about to say was lost at the appearance of his panting and dishevelled nephew, wild brown eyes darting around the room until they landed on him. There was only one reason Kíli would look as panicked as he did, and that realisation made his stomach drop.

He took a step forward, eyes searching his nephew's. "Tell me he's not -"

The relief he felt was palpable when Kíli grinned shakily. "He said my name," he whispered excitedly. "He said _my name_ Uncle!"

Thorin was half way across the room the moment Kíli had lit up. "We'll finish this later," he told Dwalin and Balin over his shoulder before nudging his nephew and following him at a sprint back to their home.

He had begun to give up hope that Fíli would wake despite what the elf had promised but maybe, just maybe, they would finally get him back.

* * *

_He opened his eyes and found himself staring at his reflection. It was like he was peering into an unmoving waterfall, the water shimmering in the light but as still and sturdy as glass. Before he had the chance to think on what it was or investigate further the surface rippled and changed, his image disappearing to be replaced with the last time he had seen Kíli; the last time he had known freedom and safety._

"…_**Anything can happen on the road and there's a chance that I might not come back…"**_

"…_**I'm coming with you Fee, I won't let you go without me…"**_

"…_**Promise me that if anything were to happen to me, you wouldn't let my death rule and ruin your life..."**_

_How many times had he dreamt of this moment? How many times had his mind forced him to relive the last night he got to spend by his little brother's side? A night where his life had changed forever in the blink of an eye; where he had been taken and Kíli's fate remained unknown_.

_No… he did know._

_Kíli was dead. It was the only explanation. If he had survived then he would have sent word for help and F__í__li knew he would have been found and spared the fate that had befallen him._

"_**I'm ok... He just got my arm. Just a cut."**_

"…_**make for the ponies. NOW!"**_

"_**Get him home and don't stop!"**_

"_**Love you Kee, always."**_

_The agony that ripped through him, that squeezed his heart and threatened to choke him at the realisation that Kíli wasn't coming back, that he'd failed him as an older brother was a pain unlike anything he could have imagined. How was he supposed to look his mother and uncle in the eye knowing it was his fault the light of their lives had permanently been extinguished?_

_**Kíli**__, he cried silently. __**I'm so, so sorry! Forgive me nadad.**_

_He reached out towards the image of his brother who was smiling softly back at him, his own eyes welling with tears knowing it would be the last time he would see Kíli_ _as clearly as he did now. When he woke Kíli would become nothing but a memory, his laughter haunting him as it followed him into awakening, ringing out like bells over a wasteland._

_Fingertips grazed the water where his cheek was, the liquid glass cool against the pads before the water shifted, image changing once again. He watched in growing horror as the smiling Kíli was replaced with one screaming in agony, crying out his name and reaching for him as flames swallowed him whole._

_**No,**__ he uttered in terror, throwing himself at the water desperate to save his brother. __**No! Kíli!**_

_But he was gone, enveloped in flames and taken from him forever. Tears streamed down his face as he sank to his knees, his head bowed and resting against the cool glass._

_**Kee**__, he sobbed brokenly. __**Kee…**_

* * *

Dís flinched when the bedroom door slammed open but her eyes never left her son, worry in her eyes at the tears that were rolling down Fíli's cheeks.

"What happened?" Kíli asked in horror when he spotted the tears. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. They just started."

At that moment Oin bustled through the door, the old healer had seen Kíli race past as though Smaug was on his tail before returning moments later with Thorin in tow. And there was only one reason they'd both be running home. "What's going on with the lad then?"

"Oh thank Mahal!" Dís cried as she turned to look at him. "I feared one of us would have to leave to fetch you."

Shooing Kíli who was sitting on the other side of the bed out of the way Oin placed his apothecary bag on the bedside table and raised his eyebrow at the sight of the tears. "Well now, this is certainly looking promising."

Kíli looked at Oin like he'd gone mad. "How exactly is that promising?!" He asked indignantly. "He's crying for Mahal's sake! Most would find that somewhat worrying."

"And yet this is the first sign of life your brother has shown since you found him," Oin replied curtly as he began looking Fíli over. "Do try to keep up."

He began poking and prodding the unconscious dwarf, his eyes watching intently for any signs of discomfort that might be the cause for the tears. The wounds Fíli had been covered in when they brought him in were healing nicely, infection had for the most part been avoided and what little that did try to take hold had been quickly and efficiently dealt with using a paste made of kingsfoil.

Oin turned to look at the family who were watching with baited breath. "Well my lady, it seems your assumption was correct."

"He's waking?" Dís breathed, looking at her son and brother and saw the hope she felt mirrored in their eyes.

The healer nodded even as he began digging through his bag. "It seems likely. I'll dab a little of the spearmint and kingsfoil oil beneath his nose just to be sure. It'll help him wake and should hold any pain at bay."

After applying said oil the waiting game began. They had no idea whether it would work, let alone help Fíli should he wake; the pain could likely be so unbearable they'd have to put him to sleep again. But despite all their concerns nothing happened.

It felt like hours had passed when they began to give up hope that Fíli would show any sign of waking when he took a deep breath.

Then another

And another

And finally opened his eyes.

* * *

katagilemul habanuh - my sparkling gem


	24. Home

**A/N: Hello everyone! We're slowly reaching the end of this long tale, congratulations to everyone who has stuck with me on this right from the beginning. You guys are amazing! :D**

**Special shout out to the new followers/favouriters: Tanjamusen, SelkieShore, Fantasylover101 and PrincessBlonde, as well as all the current followers/ favouriters. You guys are awesome and the driving force behind us writers! :D So great job everyone! x**

* * *

The room was so silent Kíli was certain he could have heard a pin drop. They all stared at Fíli, hovering just at the edge of his vision as the blond blinked sluggishly, his eyes adjusting to his surroundings. Nobody moved, not even breathed, too afraid a sudden movement might spook Fíli or shatter the illusion of him being awake they had seemingly created.

It appeared Fíli had no clue as to where he was or who was around him, and whilst he was distracted Oin tapped Kíli on the arm, his eyes never leaving the blond as he did so.

"Go and fetch him some broth," the old dwarf told him under his breath, surprisingly quiet for one so deaf.

Kíli stared at the healer, the incredulous look on his face giving away how unhappy he was with the request. He'd been waiting an age for Fíli to wake; there was no way in Middle Earth he was going to leave him now.

The unimpressed look Oin returned briefly made Kíli feel like the twenty year old version of himself who'd fallen off a chair and injured his wrist when he was trying to pilfer his mother's freshly baked biscuits. "Your brother needs to heal," Oin muttered gruffly. "And he can't do that without sustenance."

"I'm not leaving him," he growled back quietly, eyes darting away to check on his brother.

Oin grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the bed, surprising the younger dwarf with his strength. "Your brother needs food; else I fear he won't survive. The sooner he gets it the better."

"But -"

"Your brother probably doesn't even know where he is right now Kíli, and it will take time before he is coherent enough. You'll be back before he starts talking."

Indecisiveness flooded him, and Kíli couldn't help but nibble on his lip as he glanced between the bed and the doorway. Eventually the need to help his brother outweighed the need to see him wake completely and he hurried out of the room, praying it wouldn't take long to heat the broth.

Kíli had barely left the room when Dís moved to her son's side, taking his frail hand in both of hers carefully.

"Fíli katagilemul habanuh," she called softly, "can you hear me my sweet?"

Blond eyelashes fluttered and Dís squeezed her sons hand slightly in encouragement. "That's right sweetheart," she said encouragingly, "Can you open your eyes for me?"

There was a pause then -

"-mad?" Fíli slurred, his tongue thick and heavy in his mouth. He tried to open his eyes but it was as though they were glued shut so he gave up without a fight, instead turning his head towards the voice that called him in the hopes it could help drag him from this eternal darkness.

"That's right my love," she agreed with a sniffle. "You're home, you're safe. Everything will be ok."

But everything wouldn't be ok, Fíli knew. He'd failed her, failed Thorin. It was only a matter of time until they realised everything that had happened, everything they'd been through had been his fault.

A single tear slipped from his eye at the thought of how badly he'd let his brother down, how he'd never get to see him again because he wasn't strong enough. Wasn't good enough.

"Sweetheart…" Dís said worriedly, wiping away the tear that was rolling down her golden son's cheek. "What's wrong? Are you in pain?"

"-m sorry Amad," he rasped, "-m so sorry, please forgive me."

Thorin and Dís exchanged looks of concern as the blond continued to mumble in distress. The last thing they had expected to hear from Fíli was him begging forgiveness. What could the Orcs have possibly done to their golden lion that would reduce him to this?

Thorin moved his chair closer to the head of the bed, placing his large hand on his nephew's cheek tenderly and turned his head so he could press their foreheads together. "Open your eyes inùdoy," he told him quietly. "Open your eyes and see you are no longer with those beasts. Whatever they made you do, it was not your fault."

He drew back and slowly, so slowly did blue eyes open.

The utter pain and grief in those eyes floored them all with its intensity.

"Kee," Fíli sobbed quietly. "-m so sorry I couldn't protect him, so sorry I failed him-"

The older dwarves glanced at each other in confusion. "Fíli…" Dís said slowly. "What do you speak of my love?"

"He's gone!" The weak outburst and the following heaving sobs shocked them all in its raw intensity, but suddenly everything became clear.

Fíli thought Kíli had died.

Oin barely had time to curse his stupidity for sending the younger dwarf away before there was a flurry of movement, Thorin slipping from his chair and hurrying out of the room, likely in search of Kíli while Dís smoothed her son's hair back in a vain attempt at calming him.

"It's ok Fí-"

"It's not! I f-failed him Amad! I failed h-him…"

* * *

Kíli stood with his arms crossed, tapping his foot impatiently against stone as he glared at the flames of the fireplace. Surely the blasted thing could heat up faster than it currently was! The longer he was there waiting for the broth to be ready the larger the chance of Fíli waking properly became, and he wanted to be there when he did.

After what felt like the passing of an age the broth finally began bubbling in the pot. Grabbing a dishcloth he wrapped it around the handle and removed the pot from the flames, placing it on the stone plate before giving it a quick stir and dipping his finger in to ensure it had heated all the way through.

Satisfied it was warm enough to be edible yet not hot enough to harm his brother he ladled some into a bowl, fetching a hunk of bread from the pantry and after some deliberation a glass and a pitcher of milk before setting them all onto a tray and carrying them back towards the bedroom.

As he got closer he could hear his mother's voice, her quiet words mumbled through the door but it was enough to make him walk faster, his fingers tightening around the handles of the tray in trepidation. Just as he was about to set the tray down so he could open the door it was pulled open and Thorin came barrelling out, only to stumble to a stop suddenly at the sight of him.

"What -"

"Fíli is awake and asks for you," his uncle told him quietly.

His eyes widened in surprise and hope and he quickly abandoned the food with the intention of barging into the room and pulling his brother into a hug to reassure him everything was alright.

Thorin however seemed to disagree.

Before he could even get two steps Thorin place a hand on his shoulder and walked Kíli past the room, silencing the brunet's squawk of protest with a look.

Satisfied they were out of earshot Thorin released him. "There is something you need to understand," he told his nephew quietly. "Something you need to know before you go in there-"

"Out with it uncle," Kíli huffed impatiently. "I wish to see my brother."

Thorin cocked an eyebrow but didn't comment on his rudeness. "Fíli thinks you're dead," he told him instead. "He seems to think he didn't succeed in saving you and he won't listen to me or your mother."

"He thinks I'm dead?" His heart ached at how similar yet so different the last year had been for them both. While they had each believed the other was dead Kíli had had family and friends surrounding him with love and light to help him get through, but Fíli had suffered through darkness and fear, with only an elf and the dark void of unconsciousness to keep him company.

"Aye, he's convinced he failed to protect you, so it may take some persuading to show him you're real, we're _all_ real and not some figment of his imagination."

Kíli nodded, and without another word he strode to the bedroom, pausing in the doorway to take a calming breath before he made his way inside.

Fíli was the first thing he saw the moment he entered the room. His tears were the second. Completely ignoring the other dwarves he dashed forwards, gripping one of his brother's hands with both of his and squeezing firmly.

"Fee? Fíli? Look at me Khâzash, open your eyes and look at me."

FíIi's face scrunched further, eyes squeezed shut tight and his lips barely opening to mutter "So sorry, 'm so sorry Kee."

He sat on the bed beside him, removing one of his hands from the blonds so he could stroke the tear stained face before him. "Open your eyes Nadad," he pleaded. "I'm alive, I'm right here because you saved me Fee. I'm not dead, and if you open your eyes you'll see."

It was a tense wait, but eventually red rimmed eyes cracked open. Kíli put on a brave smile when the need to weep washed through him at the sight, and he watched as Fíli searched his face disbelievingly.

"K-kee?"

Kíli swallowed thickly at his brother's croak of his name, and smiled despite the tears that began gathering in his eyes. "Yeah Fee it's me."

There was nothing for it. Fíli burst into tears, heart wrenching sobs tearing from his chest as his frail fingers grasped at him weakly. He knew Fíli would be in a lot of pain, but the need to hold him close, comfort him in the way he so clearly needed far outweighed the need to be overly careful.

Mindful of his wounds Kíli gathered his brother to him, wrapping him in his arms tightly and holding on for dear life as he buried his face into his neck.

"I'm here Nadad, you're safe," he whispered, holding his brother that little bit tighter.

"Kee…"

"Shh," he soothed, rubbing a hand up and down the blond's back as he sobbed harder. "You're home Fee,

"You're home."


	25. Confessions And Words Of Comfort

**A/N: Hello to everyone still reading! I'm so sorry for the lengthy delay between updates, I've been busy writing and posting on another site, but I'm back! And guess what, you get a double update! **

**I think I'm only two chapters away from the very end, so hang in there! We'll have completed this long journey that has gone over the two year milestone soon.**

**Special shoutout the the new followers/commenters yshxf and beachgal, as well as everyone else who has been following from the very start, you guys are awesome!**

* * *

It took a while for Fili to calm down, and by the time he did he was exhausted and close to falling asleep again. While Oin fetched the food that had been abandoned both Thorin and Dís had gotten their own hugs, and there had been more tears shed when they were finally able to hold Fíli close, mumbling about how much they had missed him and how grateful they were to have him home.

The old healer entered the room and it took a lot of coaxing, and Kíli's constant goading for his brother to eat "just one more mouthful Fee" before the soup and bread was finished and Fili was close to passing out.

Fíli tried to reassure them as much as he could, but he was struggling to hold himself upright from how tired he was, and soon the older dwarves pressed kisses to both boys' heads before leaving them alone to get some sleep.

"K-kee?" Fíli had asked tentatively as his brother shifted away. "Stay?"

Kíli smiled softly at his brother, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "Always."

The brunet helped his brother slide over enough on the bed for him to crawl in, and when he was comfortable he pulled Fíli to him and with limbs tangled and fingers entwined they fell into the most relaxed sleep either had had in a long time.

* * *

Satisfied both boys were sleeping comfortably Thorin pushed away from the doorframe and headed back towards the kitchen where he could hear Dís moving around, and upon entering found Oin seated at the table as Dís poured him some mead.

"Thorin?" Dís asked, proffering the bottle in question.

With a nod he collected a cup for himself and his sister poured them both a drink, all three dwarves drinking in silence as they processed what had just occurred.

"You will need to make an announcement," Oin told Thorin eventually. "There are rumours around town that Fíli has been found and it would be best to address them before you start getting visitors asking at your door."

Thorin shook his head in exasperation. "They're too nosy for their own good," he grumbled. "I'll go find Balin now I suppose, get him to organise a meeting so they can be informed."

He drained the rest of his glass and stood up to fetch his coat. Pressing a kiss to his sister's head and clapping the healer on the shoulder he made his way out the door.

The trip to the meeting house wasn't normally a long one, but considering he was stopped by what felt like the entire town asking questions which he politely brushed off, he was beginning to wonder if he should have just shouted and hoped Balin heard him. It certainly would have been faster.

Eventually he got to the door and let himself in, sighing in relief when he found his friend scratching away with a quill. The old dwarf looked up and smiled at the sight of him.

"Thorin," he greeted, "it's good to see you. What news do you have?"

A small smile appeared almost unwillingly. "Fíli finally woke," he replied in relief. "He has eaten and knows he's home. He's currently sleeping on Kíli's chest, the poor lad refused to let his brother leave."

A wide grin appeared on Balin's face at the news. "Oh but that's wonderful!" he exclaimed happily. "I feared he wouldn't wake at all despite the help of the elf."

"As we all did," Thorin agreed. "But Oin made a valid point now that Fíli has finally woken; we need to address our kin, inform them of what has taken place. Fíli will need time to recover and I fear having dwarves knocking on the door constantly will only set him back."

Balin tapped his chin thoughtfully with the tip of his quill. "A valid point. What would be best? A meeting?"

"Sooner rather than later would be preferable."

With a nod Balin stood and moved from the desk, poking his head out the door into the main hallway.

"Ori!" He yelled, waiting patiently when there was a scuffle and a curse before the young scribe stuck his head out from the nearby library door.

"Yes master Balin?"

"I need you to go around town, spread word that a meeting shall be held at -" he paused, frowning slightly before looking over his shoulder at Thorin. "When are we holding it?"

"Midday?" he replied with a shrug. "It will give everyone a couple of hours to find out and gather."

With a nod Balin stuck his head back out the door. "At midday in the town square. Get Bofur to organise something for myself and Thorin to stand on so we can see everyone."

"Right you are," Ori agreed.

Balin turned away from the door and saw Thorin watching him in amusement. "What?"

"I will never understand you scholars," he said with a shake of his head. "What is so wrong with actually walking to the person you seek?"

"It's faster," Balin replied with a chuckle as he sat back down at his desk. "Besides, it's a good way to draw dwarves like Ori away from their work involuntarily. If I didn't we'd lose him in the library for good and then I'd have to deal with both Dori and Nori and their incessant nagging."

Thorin paused for a moment, thinking his cousin's words over before nodding when realised the older dwarf was right. "Good point," he agreed. "I shall take my leave old friend, I need to find Dwalin and discuss the capture of the Orc who took Fíli, see if we can come up with a plan to find the filth and bring him here to pay for what it's done."

"You're going to kill him yourself then?"

"Aye," Thorin agreed gruffly. "If you had seen Fíli when he woke Balin… you'd be out for that scum's blood too. I'm sure once our people learn of what they had done to him they will just as keen to get their hands on that Orc."

Balin let out a sigh and nodded. "I can only imagine what that poor boy was put through," he said sadly. "Our people are loyal to you and the crown so you will have no shortage of volunteers. Not for avenging that boy."

Humming in agreement Thorin left the room, taking a calming breath against the anger that was pulsing through him at the thought of the vile creature that had been the source of all their suffering.

When he was certain he was calm enough he strode out the doors into the sun and began his hunt for his friend.

* * *

Midday had come around faster than expected, and Thorin found himself standing on a wagon Bofur had sourced looking out at a sea of faces with Balin and Dwalin on either side of him.

There was confusion on some, trepidation and hope on others.

He held out his hand for silence and the murmuring of his kin stopped as though someone had flicked a lever. "My friends," he began, "it has come to my attention there are rumours being spread about the events of a week ago, that there are many stories and many uncertainties to what took place. I am here to set the record straight." He paused, taking a deep breath to centre himself. "The rumours that Fíli has been returned to us are true-"

As expected a roar exploded from the crowd, dwarves clapping each other on the back and children hugging their parents in delight. It was humbling to see how much Fíli meant to them all, and Thorin had no doubt that when his time came his nephew would be a much loved ruler.

"Peace my friends," he said with a smile, catching out of the corner of his eye Balin not so discreetly wiping away a stray tear. "Yes, Fíli has been returned to us, but his time in the hands of his captors has not been easy. He has suffered greatly, and his recovery will be long. It is only today that he finally woke, and I know it will be many days more before he will be able to move around on his own."

There were murmurs then, the jovial looks on many faces turning concerned or worried. Even the youngest of children picked up on the change in their parents, settling down or looking up at the adults with wide, worry filled eyes.

"The Orcs that had captured your prince were not the instigators behind the attack. While they were being disposed of at Kíli's hand it was then we learned of another orc, one who had devised the entire plan and is at this point still at large. I ask you this, I will send a team of Dwarves with Dwalin to capture the filth and bring him here to pay for what he has done. Who will join him?"

The majority of the dwarves present, including many dwarrowdams and younglings answered, their voices booming through the square and rattling the windows of nearby buildings.

"Dwalin will set out in two days' time," Thorin informed them, "so speak to him within that time if you wish to go. We will not take an entire contingent for fear of discovery before we can find the Orc so please do not be offended if you are not picked, the fact you wish to avenge your prince means just as much. Thank you my friends."

* * *

It took the better part of a day for Fíli to wake completely.

Oin had warned them he would be weak for the first few days until he recovered his strength, and to not expect him to do more than eat and sleep during that time.

So it came as a pleasant surprise when Kíli came hurtling down the hall into the kitchen with a wide grin.

"Uncle! Amad!"

"Mahal's sake inùdoy!" Dís scolded as she picked up the spoon she'd dropped in fright. "Since when are you permitted to run in this house?"

A faint blushed tinged the younger dwarfs cheeks as he ducked his head, rubbing the back of it in embarrassment. "Sorry mama."

Thorin chuckled, looking up from the final list of dwarves who would be accompanying Dwalin the next day to his nephew. "What is it Kíli?"

The bright grin returned and Kíli swiped an apple off the table. "Fee's awake," the twinkle in his eye belying the casual tone he used. "And he's asking for you."

Thorin and Dís looked at one another in shock before they stopped what they were doing; Dís grabbing a honey cake from the pantry before they both quickly followed the young brunet to the bedroom.

Upon entering they found Fíli propped up on a mound of pillows, his face pale and eyes half closed but he was very much awake.

"Amad, Uncle," he greeted softly, smiling tiredly at the sight of them.

"Oh Fíli," Dís gasped tearfully, handing the treat to Thorin who placed it on the nearby chest as she hurried forwards to sit on the bed and throw her arms around him. "Oh sweetheart, it does my heart good to see you awake."

Fíli raised his arms and hugged her back as much as his weak muscles would allow. "I've missed you," he whispered, burrowing his nose into her neck as much as possible "Mahal I've missed you so much."

Dís hugged her son tighter when he began trembling, his breathing shaky in her ear. "I'm here sweetheart, I'm here," she soothed, pressing her lips to the side of his head as he began to cry. "I won't let you go my love, not for all the gold in Erebor."

It took a while but eventually the blond began to calm down, and when he was certain he had his emotions more or less under control he drew away with a sniff. "You'll have to let me go eventually," he chuckled wetly, "can't keep me locked in here forever."

"See if she won't," Thorin disagreed with a small smile. He didn't have tears in his eyes, no matter what anyone else said.

Fíli smiled up at his uncle and opened his arms in invitation, and the two elder Durin's swapped places in order for Thorin to draw his nephew into a hug. "Welcome home little lion," Thorin whispered in his ear. "We've missed you."

The young dwarf didn't reply, instead burying his nose into his uncle's neck and inhaling the wood and steel scent he had come to associate with safety and home. The comfort his elders provided him, in any aspect of his life was something he had sorely missed this last year, and the chance to immerse himself in it now was one he couldn't pass up.

When he had gotten his fill he drew back slightly, eyes fighting against the exhaustion that had become all too common as of late. "'m sorry," he murmured, looking up at Thorin who was frowning back at him. "'m so sorry for getting capt -"

"No, don't do that," Thorin chided with a shake of his head, stroking over golden locks in an attempt to soothe. "Don't blame yourself for something you had no control over."

Despite his words Thorin knew the guilt and regret Fíli had lived with for the last year was going to be something the blond would struggle to deal with for a long time to come, but all any of them could do in the meantime was assure him each time it came up the attack and his subsequent capture was not his fault, and as he suspected when Fíli drew back with a nod the look in his eyes showed that he was unconvinced that he wasn't the one to blame.

Fíli slumped into the pillows, smiling tiredly up at his family that were gathered around. They could see him mulling something over, some thought that was clearly important enough to keep him awake despite his obvious need for sleep. "I need to know," he said eventually, voice quiet as he bit his lip, "how you found us. The… the Orcs moved at night and stuck to the trees, and I'm so glad to be home, but I just don't understand how you found us."

"Ever since you were taken the patrols have been increased. Two of the dwarves out that day spotted the pack from the cliff and reported back. We had assumed they were alone, and it wasn't until we got closer we saw they had prisoners." He sighed, shaking his head regretfully at his stupidity a year ago, thinking his people were safe where they weren't. Had the past not taught him they were never safe? "Back then we thought we were safe and yet you were taken by a large pack, right from under our noses. I couldn't risk losing another dwarf because of negligence on my part. I couldn't fail our people again-"

Fíli's eyes widened at the confession. "It wasn't your fault!" he protested shakily, placing a weak hand on top of his Uncle's. "You had no idea the Orcs were nearby, none of us did. Thorin despite thinking you should, you can't know everything that goes on around us, and trying to prepare for every likely scenario is impossible. If I am not allowed to blame myself for being captured then you are not to blame yourself for doing the best you could do with the information you had."

"How is it that even after a year away you make more sense than any other dwarf here?" Kíli asked in bewilderment. Secretly he was thrilled that despite the horrors his brother had been subjected to there was still love and compassion inside of him.

Those emotions would have been some of the first to go in a lesser dwarf.

Rather than replying Fíli winked weakly at his brother which made Thorin and Dís chuckle. As weak as he was, it was good to see a spark back in those cerulean eyes.

Fíli made himself comfortable against the pillows and looked around the room tiredly, blue eyes searching for his companion only to furrow with worry when he couldn't spot her.

"Where's Amber," he asked, looking between his family members in concern for his friend, "what happened to her?" Thorin frowned, about to ask who he was talking about when Dís spoke first.

"Do you mean the elf sweetheart?"

Ah. He'd almost forgotten about her. When Fili nodded he gave his nephew a small smile. "She's ok, she's next door but she has yet to wake as whatever she did to help you has taken its toll."

The relief was clear on the young dwarf's face. Dís leaned forward and brushed a hand over his hair lovingly. "She means a lot to you, doesn't she?" She asked with an understanding smile. She was grateful her son had had someone he could rely on during the last year, considering what he had been put through he was lucky that there was one person that wasn't out to kill him.

The blond leaned into the touch with a small nod, eyes drooping shut at the soothing motion. His voice was quiet, gentle, and it was as though he was a young dwarfling with how small he sounded when he spoke. "I can't explain it Amad, the bond I feel with her is so strong and her absence from my sight makes me want to panic even though you told me she's ok."

"It's ok Fíli, you don't have to explain it to us. You went through something no one should have to experience, but the fact you had her by your side, regardless of the fact she's an elf makes it that little bit easier for me to handle. Your bond was born of fear and pain, but the love you have for one another outweighs all else."

She saw Thorin's eye twitch at the mention of Fíli loving Amber, and she couldn't help but shake her head as Fili looked at her in confusion.

"But I don't love her Amad-"

"There's more than one type of love Fíli," she tutted, "and she will always hold a place in her heart for you, as you will for her. Now," she leaned forwards and pressed a kiss against his head before tapping him on the nose lightly with her finger, "you need rest. We have kept you up for far too long and Oin will have my head if he finds out you aren't resting."

"And food," Thorin chimed in, collecting the honey cake and handing it to Fíli who accepted it gratefully and demolished it in the blink of an eye. Dís stood from her spot and shuffled backwards so Thorin could place his own kiss on her son's forehead. As she moved she noticed her youngest looking at her with a frown on his face.

"What is it Kee?"

"Amad we need to know what happened so Thorin can-"

"There will be plenty of time for that later Kíli," she reminded him, "your brother must rest if he is to heal."

"But-"

"Not now Kee," Fíli begged as he took his brother's hand in his, "maybe one day, but not right now. I can't… I don't want to remember what happened, not when the memories are still raw."

The brunet shuffled onto the bed and wrapped himself around his brother in a hug, muttering apologies for upsetting Fíli when he was so clearly exhausted. "I'm sorry Fee, I only wanted to help."

"I know." A smile then, "can you stay with me? I haven't slept on my own for the last year and Amber's presence was the only thing that kept the nightmares at bay. Now that she isn't here…" He shook his head, unable to continue.

Not that he needed too. Kíli immediately understood what his brother was trying to say and quickly shuffled until he was more or less beside him, lying on top of the covers rather than underneath, and opened his arms.

Fíli shook his head with a put upon sigh, however the fondness in his eyes showed he was beyond grateful for the offer. "I meant sleeping beside me," he told his brother wryly in the hopes it would hide how much he actually needed him.

Thankfully Kíli knew how to read his brother, even after so long apart. "Well maybe that's what you want, but I lost you too, and I'd much rather have you close then wonder where you are in the middle of the night."

He nodded before curling up, his head resting on Kíli's shoulder as his brother wrapped his arms around him, holding him close.

"Just sleep Fee," he murmured in his brother's ear as he watched his mother and uncle leave the room quietly, "I'm right here.

"I'm right here."


	26. Healing Is The Only Way To Move Forward

The peace that had settled within the small household lasted until the early hours of the morning when a terrified scream rent the air.

Thorin leaped out of bed, throwing a tunic on as he burst through the door. Narrowly avoiding Dis who had toppled out of her room opposite his the pair hurried towards Kíli's room where the boys were sleeping, their worry increasing further when they could hear the younger dwarf's voice mixed into the yelling.

Throwing open the door Thorin and Dís barged inside to see Kíli trying to hold Fíli down who was thrashing desperately; eyes squeezed shut and face as pale as a sheet while he begged and pleaded for help.

"Fíli!" Kíli cried, dodging the flailing fists that struck out at him. "Fíli calm down! It's ok! You're safe!"

The brunet looked up as his mother and uncle hurried towards him and sobbed in relief. "He was whimpering and tossing and turning in his sleep and then he suddenly started screaming-"

"HELP!" Fíli, screeched, head thrashing from side to side. Kíli jerked his head back, barely avoiding getting his nose broken.

"AMBER! KÍLI! _HELP!_"

Without a word passing between them Thorin and Dís leapt to the bedside, grabbing an arm each and putting all their weight behind them as they pinned the flailing limbs to the bed. The last thing Fíli needed was to tear open his wounds and set his recovery back even further.

With his elders holding his brother down Kíli shifted until he was sitting on Fíli's waist, hands cupping his sibling's face in a firm but gentle grip.

"Fíli! Nadad, hear my voice!" he pleaded, his voice soothing and gentle now that Fíli had quietened down to whimpers. "I'm here, I'm right here. You're home, you're safe and you're free." There were more whines and whimpers, as though Fíli desperately wanted to believe him but didn't know if he should. Using his thumbs Kíli stroked his brother's cheeks lightly, hushing him as he did so. "Come on Fee, come on. You're home nadad, you're home."

Minutes passed without any change. Kíli kept up his constant litany of hushes and petting while Dis and Thorin kept the wounded dwarf immobile. Eventually Fíli started to quieten down; his whimpers turning into soft pitiful cries and his hitched breathing slowly evening out.

Just as the trio were on the verge of releasing a sigh of relief there was a loud crash in the room next door. The noise, which had been unusually loud in the briefly silent household set Fíli off again, but this time it was louder,

And more terrified than before.

"Fee!" Kíli cried, throwing a look at his uncle that was clearly read as 'what was that?!' before trying to shush his brother again, "it's ok! It's ok! You're alright I promise!"

It seemed that the peace Fíli had just found, however temporary, was too far out of reach this time. The blond shrieked and thrashed; curses in khuzdul, elvish and Man flying from his lips when he wasn't crying out for help.

Just when Kíli began to think they'd have to watch Fíli suffer through his nightmare until it ended, with the constant risk of opening his wounds and hurting himself further, a gentle touch to his shoulder had him jumping in fright. He whipped his head around and came face to face with a very pale and barely conscious elf.

"Please," she slurred, voice hoarse from disuse.

He moved aside without question, eyes watching like a hawk as she shifted to the head of the bed, skirting around Dís as she did so until she could place her hand on Fíli's forehead.

"Sleep, gwinig," she murmured to the thrashing dwarf, "sleep and have pleasant dreams."

It was like watching a lever switch from on to off. The calm that settled over Fíli's features was instantaneous, and with his breathing once again evening out Dís and Thorin were able to release their hold on him.

"Thank you," Dís sighed in relief, wiping the unshed tears from her eyes. "Thank you for helping him." Watching her son suffer a dream of that severity was terrifying, and the sense of utter helplessness she felt in that moment even more so.

Amber inclined her head to the dwarrowdam, and nearly toppled off the bed as she did so.

Three sets of hands shot out to steady her, and Amber couldn't help the blush that coloured her cheeks. When she regained her balance she looked at them sheepishly. "Thank you-"

Dís cut her off with a chuckle. "With everything you have been through, and have done for my son, I think stopping you from falling flat on your face is the least we could do."

Kíli and Thorin sniggered, only to snap their mouths shut when Dís levelled them with a look.

"Sorry mum."

"Sorry Dís."

"I should think so!" Although her tone was stern her eyes twinkled in amusement.

"I can see what Fíli meant," Amber laughed tiredly and drawing their attention, "by Kíli being the bigger troublemaker out of the two of you."

It was Dís' turn to snicker, and despite the lingering exhaustion even Amber looked quietly amused.

"That is totally untrue," Kíli huffed, "Fíli is just as bad as me, if not more so. Only reason he gets away with it is because he's too clever to get caught."

Thorin ruffled his nephew's hair fondly. "Is that so Nûlukhel? Perhaps we should give you additional lessons in strategy if that's the case."

Kíli blinked. "What- WAIT!" He cried in horror, "I didn't mean it like _that!"_

Dís shook her head fondly as Kíli and Thorin continued their quiet discussion about the brunet's cleverness, or lack thereof in this case, before turning to Amber. "If you don't mind my saying my dear, you look terrible."

"I feel terrible," Amber replied with a weak laugh, "but better than I have in a long time. The rest has done me well, and I thank you for that."

"You do not need to thank me -"

"And yet I shall all the same. I will however take my leave if I may, my body still needs some time to recover and sleep is the only way it shall do that."

Dís stood and offered her hand which Amber took gratefully. "You don't even have to ask. Do you need some help getting back to Fíli's room or will you be alright?"

Taking mental stock of her body Amber shook her head. "I should be fine," she said after a moment, "but if I need your help I'll be sure to ask."

Happy with the response she moved aside, hands shooting out to steady the elf as she rose.

"Oh and I realise you wish to know what happened during Fíli's capture," Amber addressed the three dwarves now that Kíli and Thorin had turned their attention back to her, "so I am more than happy to fill you in in the morning. In fact I think its best, it will spare him from having to relive it for the immediate future."

Thorin inclined his head to her, relief clear in his voice when he next spoke. "Thank you. For everything really, but especially for being there for Fíli when we could not." He turned to look at the other two. "And I think it's time we turned in also, I've had enough drama for one night."

With a nod Dís ushered Thorin and Amber out of the room, pressing a kiss to first Fíli's, then Kíli's brow before following the pair out of the room. "Sleep well inúdoy's," she whispered as she closed the door over.

"Sleep well."

* * *

The light of the mid-morning sun shining on his face and birdsong was what woke him.

Fíli blinked sleepily, turning his head slightly toward the window and luxuriated in the feeling of sun on his skin.

After several minutes of utter silence, and the peace that accompanied it he shifted carefully, deciding that it was probably a good idea to move his limbs from the dead attachments they currently were and into something a bit more lively.

It was when he was in the process of shifting his back that he realised there was a heavy weight behind him. Turning his head Fíli found his brother curled up behind him; one arm that he had somehow failed to notice thrown across his hip and his forehead resting against the back of his neck.

It was then that he noticed the third presence in the room; Thorin sitting in the chair beside the bed and reading a book.

Hearing the sheets rustle Thorin looked up and smiled at the sight of sleepy but alert blue eyes staring at him.

"Good morning little lion," he greeted, depositing his book onto the bedside table, "how do you feel?"

"Better," he rasped, coughing a little at the dry ache in his throat. "Water?"

Thorin nodded and stood, moving to the pitcher of water he'd left on Kíli's desk and poured a glass. Placing it on the bedside table he helped his nephew into a sitting position and handed the glass over when Fíli gave him a nod.

"Is there any for me?" A groggy Kíli asked, rubbing his eyes after being woken by his brother's movement.

"There is," Thorin told him, reaching out to help steady Fíli's hand, "it's on the desk."

"Cruel, uncle," he muttered as he rolled out of bed, groaning when he hit the floor unceremoniously. "Just cruel."

Finishing his mouthful Fíli chuckled tiredly at his brother's antics. "I'm glad to see nothing has changed in some respects."

Kíli rolled his eyes in fond exasperation as he crawled across the floor towards the aforementioned water, legs still somewhat unresponsive and uncaring he looked like a toddler.

With a put upon sigh Thorin turned back to the blond, smoothing golden hair back as he took the cup from him. "Now, how do you feel?"

"Much better, definitely," he answered honestly, "weak, still a little tired and my body aches, but I'm more alert than I have been in a long time."

Kíli let out a distressed noise from his place somewhere on the floor and Thorin looked at his oldest nephew sympathetically. "I'm not surprised. Amber filled us in on most of what happened and-" he took a few deep breaths, the events that the elf had filled them in about over steaming mugs of tea and early morning light still clear in his mind.

Part of him wished he'd been left in blissful ignorance.

"Fíli, I am _so_ sorry," he sighed, shaking his head to silence him when the blond tried to protest. "Listen to me inúdoy. I am not apologising for my failure to ensure your safety, although I will regret it until the day I return to the stone, I am saying sorry for what you were put through. No one should have gone through what you did, I wouldn't have wished a fraction of it on my greatest enemies and yet you suffered through it and _survived._"

Fíli blinked, biting his bottom lip to keep it from trembling as the memories flooded back in flashes. "I-I survived," he sobbed, raising a hand to his mouth as though trying to fight back against the swell of emotion. "I-I s-ur-_vived."_

Two sets of arms enveloped him as he started to cry.

And cry he did.

It was a much needed catharsis; all the fear, all the anger and horror and pain, all the times he'd wished for death and struggled to survive another night, all the times he'd screamed in terror and screamed for his family to save him…

Every pent up emotion he had hoarded over the last year came tumbling out, and Thorin and Kíli could do little more than hold on and weather his internal storm with him.

* * *

Dís took a deep breath and let it out slowly, readjusting her grip on the tray before pushing the door to Kíli's chambers open.

It had been twenty minutes or so since Amber's ears had pricked to the sound of her older son crying, and another ten since he had stopped. At the elf's suggestion she had waited to go in to see him, to give him a chance to compose himself as much as he could. When she had reminded Amber that she was his mother and he would need her she had shaken her head.

"_He will need you, that is true, and there will be plenty of times in the future where you can be there for him and help him through it. But he also needs support, not coddling, for if he is to heal and grow stronger then he needs to be able to do so without constant pity."_

While frustrating, she knew it was true. Fíli, her dear Fíli, had never been keen on people fussing over him. He'd had more than enough of it when he was training for his role as heir, and the last thing he ever wanted was everyone treating him like he was made of glass whenever something happened.

Smile in place she entered the room, chuckling at the look of delight that appeared on Fíli's face.

"Hello Gimlith, are you hungry?"

The blond nodded, a little bit of colour on his cheeks lessening his haggard appearance. "Definitely."

Pleased with his answer she moved further inside, waiting for Thorin to vacate from his spot so she could sit beside her son and hand him his food. "Here you go sweetheart," she said as she handed over a glass of milk and some porridge sweetened with honey and berries, "Amber said it would be best to start you off with something simple for your stomach. If you can keep that down, and you have room for more I'll bring you in a honey cake."

"Thanks mama," Fíli whispered gratefully as he balanced his bowl on his lap and took a small sip of his milk, Kíli there beside him ready to catch the glass should it fall. The rich and creamy texture of the milk hit his tongue and he moaned at the taste, all thought of eating slowly out the window.

When he drained the cup he handed it back to his mother. "You mentioned Amber," he said tentatively, "is she okay?"

Dís nodded, giving the glass to Thorin to put on the desk as she rubbed her sons shoulder gently. "She was in pretty bad shape when she got here, but she's slept the entire week away to recover. In fact helping you through your nightmare last night was the first time she'd left that bed."

"I had a nightmare?"

At his family's hum of affirmation he sighed, running his fingers through his hair and tugging on a strand. "I'm not surprised," he said after a moment. "I don't remember it, but it's not hard to guess what it was about. Where is she now?"

"Out in the garden. She said something about missing the sunshine and needing to breathe."

His lip twitched into a fond smile. During their capture the sun something Amber had admitted to missing under the cover of darkness when the orcs had discarded them for the evening. "I need to speak with her," he told them, "I need to thank her for getting us out of there, and for being there for me."

Dís bopped him on the nose lightly. "Finish your porridge Gimlith, and then you can go see her."

* * *

Thorin waited for the door to be opened before he walked outside with his precious burden; a disgruntled but resigned Fíli who accepted his uncle carrying him to the garden with only a small amount of grumbling.

He had his pride to protect after all.

Dís was over by the apple tree not too far from the kitchen window, placing a blanket and some pillows on the ground and checking Amber, who had a small pile of apples beside her, didn't want anything else.

"Stop pestering her Dís," Thorin laughed as he approached, "I'm sure if she had wanted something she would have asked for it by now."

Amber and Fíli grinned at each other, both in amusement and greeting, while Dís clucked her tongue.

"Bite me. I just want them to be comfortable is all."

"And we shall be," Amber assured her as she drew her blanket around her shoulders tighter, "you've given us more than enough I swear."

"If we need you mama we'll yell," Fíli promised.

With a sigh Dís fiddled with the last of the cushions and moved so Thorin could place her son onto them, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders and pressing a kiss to his head before taking her leave.

"Anything," Thorin repeated as he also kissed his nephew's head before following his sister into the house.

And finally, they were alone.

Fíli sighed deeply, rearranging pillows until he could lie back on the blanket comfortably. After draping one of the other ones over his legs to keep him warm he turned his head, smiling softly at Amber who was watching him with an equally fond look in her eyes.

"We made it," he chuckled quietly in relief. "We made it."

Amber smiled, taking his hand and linking their fingers together. "We did indeed."

They laid there in silence for quite some time, allowing the rustling leaves and birdsong to fill the air around them and enjoyed the feeling of being _free_.

Their fingers remained entwined.

"I'm scared," Fíli whispered eventually, keeping his voice low to avoid startling the birds from their songs.

Amber turned her head and looked at him, eyes searching his face. "What are you scared of?"

"Everything?" He shrugged as he thought, "nothing?" He opened his mouth several times, trying to figure out what he wanted to say but each time he thought he knew he'd close his mouth again. No matter how he phrased it, it didn't seem right.

Amber gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "Tell me what bothers you, mellon."

"I just- I'm scared to talk to my family, I guess. I'm scared to remember and I know they'll want me to talk about what happened, but how can I when every time I close my eyes, even for a second, I see fire and blood and pain. How can I when every time I see _him?_"

He didn't realise his eyes had started to sting until Amber had pulled him into her arms.

"It's okay mellon," she whispered, "its okay. Let it out, I'm here."

He didn't cry, for he had run out of tears to shed. But he did tremble in her arms for a long time, the pain that his body and mind had suffered for so long flooding out of him.

Eventually it stopped, and Fíli raised wet eyes to look at the elf. "Sorry," he chuckled wetly, "that was rather unexpected."

Amber grinned. "But you feel better?"

"Much. Thank you."

She winked at him. "Now, let us solve this dilemma of yours. The sooner it is done, the sooner you can heal."

"I worry about what they'll think of me when they find out what happened. That they'll think me weak."

"First of all you must remember that I filled them in on what happened. Not _everything_, but the things I thought were important to mention. Including where that Kuu`Datto is holed up. Hopefully your uncle and your kin will see to him swiftly. Secondly, they are your family, Fíli. They will never see your suffering as a sign of weakness. You are strong, you are brave, and your heart is filled with a love so great for those close to you that anyone lucky enough to know you should feel humble."

"You're just saying that to be nice," he laughed weakly.

Amber tutted. "I am _not_," she huffed, her words laced with amusement, "I don't say things to be _nice_, I thought you knew that by now." The smile that Fíli gave her, which was more amusement than sadness, was enough to make her cuff him lightly. "_As I was saying. _Your family love you Fíli, and they want to help you work through this. But you have to find a way to let them in. They want their golden dwarf back, but you have to help them do that, yes?"

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, rolling so he was once again lying beside her. Her words were honest, and truthful, and it was up to him to do what needed to be done.

He had to try and open up to his family.

"Yeah."

* * *

"What do you think they're talking about?"

Dís looked up at the interruption. Kíli was standing by the sink, rolling his mug in his hands absentmindedly and staring out the window to where he could see his brother and the elf talking.

"Whatever it is, it is only for them to know Gimlith," she said fondly. There was no way she would admit to her own burning curiosity.

"But still," Kíli huffed, turning away and placing his half-drunk tea on the counter. "What if what she's telling him is important for us to help him recover? What if-"

"If it's that important than either Fíli or Amber will tell us," Thorin interrupted. "I know you worry Kíli, but I don't think you have to worry about this."

Kíli hummed his displeasure, glancing out the window again.

"I just want my brother back," he murmured quietly,

"That's all."

* * *

mellon: friend  
Nadad: Brother  
gwinig - little one  
Bastard: Kuu`Datto  
Nûlukhel – moon of all moons  
Gimlith – star that is young  
inùdoy - my son


End file.
